Monday, December 19, 2011

Just one of those things...

When I pulled myself out of bed Thursday morning, it seemed that my day was going to be filled with the usual stress that I absolutely do not look forward to, as well as the usual joys that I've come to depend on to help me cope with the stress that has plagued me for the last few years. But there was something different waiting on me in the afternoon hours. Something that hardly ever happens... Something I work hard to avoid... Something that I hate...

I work from home. So, I typically spend most of my time at the house. That's really not something I've come to like since I've been working from home. However, the total convenience of earning money in the comfort of your home is so attractive, there are only a few things in life I would trade my work at home option in to gain.

Well, last Thursday was one of those unusual days that I had to go into the office. After my niece called to let me know what time she was coming to pick me up, I slipped on some denim jeans, a blue, three quarter length sweater, and some high heel, black boots. Next, I flat-ironed my hair, applied my make-up, slipped my jewelry on my ears and wrist, and sprayed my favorite perfume around my neck. My goal to look the part, even if I didn't feel the part, was achieved.

After leaving the office, I asked my niece to take me to the bank so that I could take care of some of my financial affairs. She said yes, but made it clear that she had no idea where the bank was that I needed to go to. I called my sister to get directions. But instead of giving directions, she eagerly agreed to take me herself. So, my niece brought me home, where I could get out of her passenger seat to switch to my sister's passenger seat to go to the bank.

After handling my financial affairs with the teller, I slipped my cash and receipts in my pocket, grabbed my sister's arm, and exited the building, already processing how I needed to split my money to cover the household bills. When I stepped out of the lobby of the branch, I could feel the warmth of the radiant sun shining across my face. Even though it's winter, it was 79 degrees that particular day. So, I was enjoying the unusual warm temperature and the coolness of the wind that brushed against my face.

All of the sudden, without any foreseeable warning, I slipped off the first of several cement stairs in front of the bank. It happened so quickly. One second I was walking, thinking about all the bills I needed to pay, but still enjoying the Houston weather. And then the next second, I slipped off the stair and went tumbling down, and quite, quite fast and hard, I might add.

I tried to use my hands to break my fall, but gravity took over and demanded that I continue to roll down the stairs. My mind was racing as I was tumbling. I didn't want to hit my face on that concrete. I didn't want to break a bone. I didn't want people around me that were watching to think of me as the pitiful blind lady. It was all so terrible. Finally, after about seven seconds, my body rested on the bottom step. My sister grabbed me and helped me off the ground.

Before I could get home, my body starting aching. My leg, back, and shoulder were bruised up pretty badly. Thankfully, I had no broken bones. I took some pain meds and got in the bed to rest my aching muscles.

That night, my family kept asking me over and over what happened. They wanted to blame my sister or the bank. I had to explain to all of them it was just an accident. And while I don't typically have accidents because I'm blind, I really think that this particular fall was a result of not being able to see.

So, there was no point in being mad at my sister who was guiding me. There's no point in getting a lawyer to try to sue the bank. There's no point in even being mad at myself. It's just one of those things that comes with being blind. Sometimes you're going to bump into things, stumble and fall, knock things over, and lose something that's right in front of you. It is what it is.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Twenty Years

As I'm sitting here working on my memoir, I just realized that I've crossed over into the 20th anniversary of losing all my sight. I was 10 years old when I first contracted Glaucoma. After a 7 year battle that included 14 painful surgeries, swallowing countless pills, and dropping liquid medicine in my eyes, I was left only with the ability to perceive light from darkness. A year later, the ability to see light would also turn into a nere memory. And the tripped out thing is that after going through all of that, there are still folks that believe I'm faking my
If I'm that good of an actress, I need to be making millions in Hollywood instead of sitting here in this armchair updating my blog.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

I have a confession.

In general, I hate it when people use social networking sites, like Facebook, to air out their dirty laundry. Most of the times, I cringe and shake my head every time a highly inappropriate piece of personal disclosure from one of my FB friends pops up in my FB feed. I often wonder if these people just don't care what people think about them and their disclosures, or if they just don't realize what people really think about them and their raw FB confessions.

And then there are other times when I sympathize with my FB friends when I read their random confessions. I honestly think that people just want to be heard. They want their voices to be recognized. They want their story to be told. Isn't that why I and millions of others have started personal diaries on the internet in the form of blogs? Hmm...

Even still, I think that it's important for people to understand that telling one's personal story or honest perspective on an issue should require that you think before you post/speak/publish.
Words follow us. And words also have the power to empower or destroy.
I encourage everyone to find a way to use their words to empower oneself or others rather than using words to insult or disrespect.

And if you're one of these people that need to disclose for the purpose of cleansing oneself or unburdening yourself of bad feelings, be careful what you disclose and who you disclose it to. You never want what you needed to get out of your system in the first place to loop back and crack you upside your head when and if someone decides to use your confession against you.

There's no doubt that I have used this blog as a form of self-therapy over the years. There have been countless times since I started this blog back in 2006 that I felt like I needed to just get something off of my chest. So, I would write about what I was feeling and post it right here, on NuVision for a NuDay. But I would be kidding myself if I didn't think that my words weren't being read by people that I know and don't know. So, I don't post anything here that can revisit me in the form of emotional or verbal violence if it gets in the hands of the wrong people.

In the last few months, I've been working on my first memoir. As I write my book of confessions, I'm trying my best to write a book that will empower myself and others. I am not interested in hurting or outing anyone. I'm not interested in using my book to get revenge against people that have hurt me over the years. The only reasons why I'm writing my story is to take ownership of my personal truths, help someone else, and make some money. All true! LOL

I have another confession. It's 3:18 in the morning where I am. The truth is that I feel absolutely horrible right now. The truth is that I wish I could just get on this blog and complain, complain, complain, and complain some more. But what good would that do me or you? So, instead of complaining about all the things I'm going through, I decided to write something that can be helpful to me and others if you or they stumble upon this post.

I have one more confession before I sign off.
I hope you have a beautiful weekend! It is my prayer that you find personal fulfillment and peace.

Angela L. Braden

Thursday, December 08, 2011

Like a Ton of Bricks

The other day, I was in the laundry room transferring a load of clothes from the washer to the dryer when the darkness I live in 24 hours of the day suddenly became more obvious to me than it normally does. A profound sadness fell over me as the memories of losing my sight flashed through my mind in what seemed like a millisecond. For that very moment, I wished I could somehow forcefully plunge through the walls of impenetrable darkness that surround me and reclaim the light that was taken from me twenty years ago. And then as quickly as the sadness came, it left me. I tossed the last of the clothes in the dryer and walked out of the laundry room, determined to live a happy life, with or without sight.

Sorry, ma'am. This is real life. Not a Sprint store or a Lexis dealership...

There's no doubt that I wish my life came with an upgrade benefit, the same way Sprint allows me to upgrade my phone every two years. Boy, don't I wish I could trade my life in for a new one after so many miles has accumilated on it, the same way car owners do when their whip is starting to require too many repairs to keep it running. Can you imagine it...

Yes, sir. I'm in the market for a new life. This one worked out beautifully for me in the beginning. But now, it just doesn't have the reliability it once had. I'd like to see what new lives you have on your showroom floor. This time, I want one with a full warranty, a fantastic body, and a superior navigation system. Money is not an option. Just put me in a new life that I can be proud to live.

But hey... It doesn't work out like that. The life we have now was given to us by God. And it is our job to take care of it the best way we can and know how. And if there is an upgrade that we want in our lives, we have to work to attain it. There's no doubt that the work we have to put in to change and/or upgrade our lives is tough. But you're worth the hard work! Give yourself a good life! That's what I've been trying to do for myself lately!!!!!

Angela L. Braden
Award Winning Blogger

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

Black Sky; Memoir of a Blinding Girl

I'm proud to announce to my readers that I'm currently in the process of writing my first memoir, Black Sky; Memoir of a Blinding Girl. I've completed 50% of the first draft a couple days ago. I'm working a few hours each day to complete this draft by January 15th. Once I finish, the hard work of rewrites will begin. I'll also start the process to find a literary agent to help me enter the world of publishing. Please keep me in your prayers as I pen my story.

Happy living,
Angela L. Braden