tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22541859.post2573082450264235549..comments2023-12-18T13:09:16.700-06:00Comments on NuVision for a NuDay: You Bring Out the Worst in MeAngela L. Braden, Writer, Speaker, Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17473106954036686180noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22541859.post-36581468598791273372011-11-20T06:11:20.977-06:002011-11-20T06:11:20.977-06:00In response to Francis L. Holland's response: ...In response to Francis L. Holland's response: After being involved in a relationship the a person I believe to be a sociopath, I had to get some counseling. My counselor told me that I was a "rescuer." I remember being somewhat irritated at being labeled anything, let alone, THIS. However, it has been about 5 years since those therapy sessions and looking back, I can see a pattern of rescuing this person time and time again. So I admit that I WAS and DO HAVE the propensity to rescue..however, I have rehabbed myself and have taken a stand against this trait. My take on enabling...is that the difference between a HEALTHY giver and a rescuer (enabler) is the COST. Enabling will always COST the enabler something...and more often than not, it is the most valuable thing...OUR IDENTITY, OUR BELIEFS, OUR VIRTUES.RainaMayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04363225677870877894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22541859.post-31613648309288967202008-05-04T22:36:00.000-06:002008-05-04T22:36:00.000-06:00Shawn: Thanks for stopping by my blog. And thanks...Shawn: Thanks for stopping by my blog. And thanks for your thoughtful encouragement. I've been thinking about taking off my blogger's hat. Reading your comment made me wonder if now is the time. **shrug** There's so much to blog and write about. <BR/>Well, come back again. God bless you!<BR/>AngieAngela L. Braden, Writer, Speaker, Professorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17473106954036686180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22541859.post-56345846485261774972008-05-04T22:33:00.000-06:002008-05-04T22:33:00.000-06:00Francis, thanks so much for that excellent resourc...Francis, thanks so much for that excellent resource. I'll definitely check it out. I will also pass it on to some of the family members of my clients.<BR/>And also thanks for pointing out that I'm an enabler. I always have known this. But I try to disguise it as helping. Sometimes, I wonder what's wrong with me.<BR/>I pretty much know that it is quite, quite hard for me to sit by and watch people hurt/self destruct. It hurts me. So, sometimes my enabling is prompted by selfishness. I help them so I won't hurt to see them hurt. Know what I mean? Perhaps I need counseling. **smile**<BR/>Francis, thanks again for your thoughtful comments and insight. Please come back and visit me.<BR/>AngelaAngela L. Braden, Writer, Speaker, Professorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17473106954036686180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22541859.post-17506338828239804662008-05-04T21:30:00.000-06:002008-05-04T21:30:00.000-06:00Thanks again for visiting Dallas South. I remembe...Thanks again for visiting Dallas South. I remember your excellent post during the Megan Williams ordeal. Keep up the excellent work.Wax Poetichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00568201595808213166noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22541859.post-51307885612417977122008-05-03T14:36:00.000-06:002008-05-03T14:36:00.000-06:00Angie,Thanks for sharing this. I've had to draw c...<B>Angie,</B><BR/><BR/>Thanks for sharing this. I've had to draw clear <B><A HREF="http://www.coping.org/innerhealing/boundary.htm#What" REL="nofollow">"boundaries"</A></B> between myself and my duties and those mentally ill people who were part of my life, and their duties.<BR/><BR/>It sounds like a few Al-Anon meetings might help you in dealing with your family and your your own approach to dealing with them. You said,<BR/><BR/><B>"provide them with what they need, to nurse them while they're sick, to keep them out of jail when crimes have been violated, to pay bills when bill collecters call, to encourage when depression has set in, to forgive when they have violated trust and codes of respect."</B><BR/><BR/>"Helping" people when they constantly screw up is often called "enabling". <BR/><BR/><B>"Many times when family and friends try to "help" alcoholics, they are actually making it easier for them to continue in the progression of the disease.<BR/><BR/>This baffling phenomenon is called enabling, which takes many forms, all of which have the same effect -- allowing the alcoholic to avoid the consequences of his actions. This in turn allows the alcoholic to continue merrily along his (or her) drinking ways, secure in the knowledge that no matter how much he screws up, somebody will always be there to rescue him from his mistakes.<BR/><BR/>What is the difference between helping and enabling? There are many opinions and viewpoints on this, some of which can be found on the pages linked below, but here is a simple description:<BR/><BR/>Helping is doing something for someone that they are not capable of doing themselves. Enabling is doing for someone things that they could, and should be doing themselves." <A HREF="http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/info2/a/aa052197.htm" REL="nofollow">Enabling - When 'Helping' Doesn't Really Help</A></B><BR/><BR/>Even when people have mental illnesses, there still may be some ways in which they can take care of themselves, if we step out of the way and let them experience the pain of NOT taking care of themselves. <BR/><BR/>Unfortunately, it's part of mental illness that sometimes people who are mentally ill don't respond in ways that are constructive for them or for us. If so, then we need to understand that their illness is why they behave the way they do. <BR/><BR/>Why do I feel worse everytime I interact with certain people who are mentally ill? Often, because their illness makes them behave in ways that are completely inappropriate, self-and-other destructive, inconsiderate, antagonistic, etc. <BR/><BR/>Al-Anon's good because it helps to remind us not to expect more from people then their heads are able to give, and then for us to decide what we are going to do about it, now that we see the situation for what it is.Francis Hollandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11862777385923656061noreply@blogger.com