Used for His Glory: That is truly my Prayer

"My life is not my story. It is God’s story.” Pastor Jeffrey Richardson

Each day, I’m learning that our life is not our own. And that God, in all of his infinite wisdom and authority, sometimes allows awful things to happen in the lives of His children to mature them, to demonstrate His glory, and to draw the lost and/or hurting to the cross. Again, this life that we have was created to bring God glory. And the most awesome thing about God is that He can get glory out of the most dark, fractured, shattered, smelly situations.

But that is only if the person that is enduring the affliction is willing to surrender to the plan that God has etched out for their life. This is a hard pill to swallow when you’re sick or disabled.

After becoming ill, I began to pray and fast for my healing. I attended every healing crusade in the area, and literally splashed myself with blessed oil daily. I truly believed that God could and would heal me. But despite all of my speaking in tongues, fasting and praying, and crusade hopping, I ended up losing all of my sight at 17. I was crushed. I couldn’t understand why God would deny my petition to be healed. It took years for me to trust God enough to “be open” to His plan for my life, even if that life included blindness.

What God has revealed to me over the years is that I had faith to believe that He could “heal” me. But I didn’t have faith that He could sustain me despite my blindness; nor could He exemplify His glory in the life of a blind woman. To simplify it, I really didn’t “believe God” like I said I did.

I learned over time that God’s impact in my life is greater than it would’ve been if He had healed me in the early years. Because of the lessons that God has unfolded in my illness, I’ve matured and grown closer to Him. I’ve learned how to trust God, even when I can’t detect His presence. I’ve learned that God is not only a healer, but a sustainer too. I’ve learned that it takes more faith to believe that God can get the glory out of a blinding situation than one that is illuminated with clarity and human explanations.

In addition to God revealing Himself to me through this illness, my life has been a testament to others that God can truly be glorified in the darkest situation. So many people have been encouraged to be strong during the absolute dark times of life, just because of their exposure to my “literal” dark experience. I’m glad that God has been able to use my blindness to speak to His people and to give them hope that He is the light.

I’m not completely sure how and to what extent God is going to use my life to further the kingdom agenda. But I am certain that I am now more willing than ever to allow God to use “all” aspects of my life to bless His people than I was before.

“My life is not my story. It is God’s story.”

Angela L. Braden

Transition

I'm experiencing a strange transition. And this transition has kept me from my blog. NuVision has been my home for so long. It has been the place that I felt safe to be me, free to remove my garments, and strong enough to explore parts of my life that I left untouched for so long.

But these days, I'm not feeling so comfy with NuVision. And I'm not sure why.

Perhaps I've said all there is to be said here. Perhaps I'm experiencing my annual burn out. It may be that maintaining this blog feels like work rather than an escape from the grind of daily responsibilities. Or it may possibly be that I'm starting to grow uncomfortable revealing so much of my emotional nudity on a blog that has now started attracting people that "know" me.

Whatever it is, it has kept me from my baby on the web. I have left this blog neglected. I don't even check the stats. And that's strange. Even if I didn't post, my nosiness would cause me to check the stats daily to see who was lurking and peeking in the windows, trying to see what they could see, without making a comment to reveal their presence.

Will I give up NuVision and permanantly retreat to Facebook, the place where I can connect with real people, while revealing one sentence updates about myself? Or will I continue to come here to NuVision and reveal paragraphs of myself to people that I mostly do not know and a few that I do know?

Only time will tell.

In the meantime, I will wait this thing out. And probably by the end of the month, I will decide if I will continue with the blog or say goodbye to my three-year-old friend, who has offered me so much in the last 36 months.

To all of my faithful readers: I love you. I really do! And I wish the best for you. Continue to be patient with me as I either find my voice again or decide if I want my voice heard on this platform.

Lovingly submitted,
Angela L. Braden
Author of NuVision for a NuDay
March 2006 to March 2009