Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Broken Pieces

A couple weeks ago, my aunt, who has made it abundantly clear that she has nothing but disdain towards me, stopped by the house to bring my family copies of individual and family photos. She placed copies of specific photos in various envelopes, and labeled the envelope with the names of the persons she intended to have those particular pictures.

Well, of course, I needed assistance with identifying my envelope. My sister opened the envelope that was labeled for "Angela". To our dismay, we found more than just pictures of me as a child, teenager, and young adult.

What we found were pictures that had been sliced into creepy, violent displays of her anger towards me.

Yes, my aunt, my mother's sister, is so angry with me that she found it necessary to gather pictures of me, cut them up, place them in an envelope, and drive them 20 miles from her home to deliver them to my hand.

The truth is that I am not quite sure why this woman hates me so much. I, along with my mother and father, have our suspicions why my aunt has so much hatred in her heart towards me. But the truth is that I cannot understand the intensity of the hate.

Yes, she is mentally ill. But again, why has she decided to angle her pain, anger, resentment, bitterness, and resentment towards me? It's so baffling to me.

What I found to also be confusing is the fact that my aunt would cut up pictures and give them to a blind woman. I can't see them. So, the effect was lost in the darkness that extends from my eyes. I'm sure she didn't think about that.

I'm supposing that the visual image of the pictures would have probably disturbed me. Just holding the sliced up pictures in my hands kind of shook me up. So, seeing it would have likely had a profound impact on me.

But I didn't see them. And this time, I'm glad that I couldn't see.

I believe that my relationship with my aunt is intractable. Our relationship has been sliced, just as the pictures in the envelope. Except, we can take those pictures and put them together and scan them to restore the image. There is no tool, no method, no pressure that can restore my relationship with my aunt.

And the sad thing is that I'm okay with that. I truly am done. I hate it has to be this way. But it does... I have decided that I will no longer be a participant in that abusive relationship.

The End

**Note: One other sister also received cut up pictures. But we know why she's so mad at her. We are in the fog as it pertains to me.
I made a decision to not tell my mother about the pictures. She didn't need to see that. It would have hurt her to know that her sister is that hateful.
I also made a decision to not acknowledge the sliced up pictures to my aunt. I will not entertain her nonsense any longer.**

Angela Braden
Free Woman


sacredly breathing said...

I would meditate in prayer at the start of the day, on non-suffering and happiness for all beings. This will keep your heart flowing in compassion and love.

I agree with your non-entertainment of nonsense. In life we have to deal with things but we don't have to keep things company.

If you were to react negatively to a hateful situation, you would just feed it.

sacredly breathing said...

May God bless you and your family.

Lovebabz said...

My Sister,

Oh that is heart breaking but not crippling. Your aunt is mentally ill. So to trying to make sense of her behaviour is a waste of time.

I do think you should share with your mother her behaviour. Protecting your mother is keeping secrets. Your mother is strong and can bear this information. To keep her in the dark is disrespectfull to her ability to decide how she wants to feel about her Sister.

The heart you can guard is your own.


Angie B. said...

SB: Thanks for that advice. I will try to start praying/meditating in the morning. The truth is that I've not been doing as much of that as I used to. When I was, my mind was a lot more clear. I was thinking to myself just this morning that although I don't pray like I used to, I believe that I am still benefitting from the prayers that I had years ago. Praying definitely calms the spirit.

Thanks for your well wishes for me and my family.


Angie B. said...

Hey Babz!
How are you, my sister? I pray that you and yours are doing well.
Thanks for dropping by. And thank you, thank you, thank you for your comment.
The reason why I have decided to okeep this a secret from my mother is because my mother is quite ill. She's had two massive strokes in the recent years. She has a pacemaker to manage the speed of her heart rate. And she takes about 37 pills a day to manage various illness that can be made worse by stress.
I do not want my mother to become more ill. If she does, she will suffer more. And that's not an option for me. I can't stand to see her suffer more than she already has.
So, out of love, I've withdrawn her right to know what sins her sister has commited against her child. I will carry this burden alone.
On the other hand, I will not carry this burden alone. I place it at the cross, even know as I type this response.
God bless you, Babz! You're such an encouragement to me.
Love and thanks,