Monday, May 08, 2006

The Fountain of Youth

Like most women, I’m concerned about aging. Well, I’m not concerned about getting older per say. I’m concerned about looking older. I’ve already started coloring my hair to disguise the gray strands of hair that my younger sisters are so quick to point out on my head. My left knee sometimes hurts when I’m working out. And hanging out at the mall for a few hours produces an extremely tired woman. I don’t feel like a grandma or nothing like that. I just know for sure that I am not 21 anymore.

The biggest thing that concerns me about looking older is my inability to know if I really am “looking older.” I’m not stupid enough to believe that I look like an 18-year-old. I just don’t know how much older I really look. The last time I actually saw myself, I was 16-years-old. And even then, my vision was pretty blurry. So, the last time I really saw my self, with the help of pretty good eye sight, I was 11 or 12 years old. Of course I don’t picture myself to look like an 11 or 12 year old. I imagine that I look like what that 11 or 12 year old would have grown into. And that’s pretty good looking, I might add.

Truthfully, I really wonder what makes a 31-year-old Angela look different from a 21-year-old Angela. Since I’ve managed to dip my 10 or 15 strands of gray hair in the ocean of forever brown, I know it’s not the gray hair. So, what is it? What is it about me that says WOMAN? Do I look older than what I imagine? Even though it’s not likely, do I look younger than what I imagine?

Well, I discussed this very subject with one of my best friends. She advised me to not worry about it. She said that being blind prevents me from getting the news that so many women are forced to receive when they look into the mirror. She also said that because I haven’t seen myself in so many odd years, I have the advantage of not really aging. My very clever friend suggested that in my mind, I will forever look young. Interestingly enough, that’s probably true. I can’t even come up with an image of how I may look at 40. So, I have decided that I’m going to just freeze this current image of myself in my mental photobook. While other women are stressing over the gifts that the “age fairy” is bringing them, I will forever be a young, beautiful gal.

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