People are often shocked by my persistence to live a life of independence. It’s not that I’m so determined to be “independent.” I just can’ imagine doing anything less than what I do now. I guess people really believe that blindness should be my pass to get out of having to be responsible, almost like a “get out of jail free card.” But I don’t see it that way. Well, I don’t anymore…
When I first started college, I was so depressed about my blindness. I really did believe that God would have healed me by the time I got to college. I prayed the prayers of faith, splashed myself with bless oil, stood in dozens of prayer lines, fasted/starved myself, and outright rebuked Satan. But to no avail, I was still blind. And worst than that, I lost all of my sight the year before I started college.
(We’ll talk about all of that later. Just to issue this little disclaimer now… I still do believe in divine healing. Don’t worry…)
I never imagined that I would have to be blind at college. So, I plunged into an abyss of sorrow and hopelessness. I stayed in the bed and refused to go to class for a couple of months.
After eight weeks, I realized something… As each hour, day, week, and month rolled by, life was still going on. Life didn’t pause until I was ready to participate in it. I made a decision to get up out of the bed, get myself together, go to class, and make the best of this ridiculous thing that happened to my life. (Losing my sight is the thing that happened to my life.)
I still failed the entire semester. I had 2 F’s and an Incomplete. But that’s alright though. I didn’t give up. I returned back to school and did the dog on thing. It doesn’t matter how you start… It matters how you finish. I graduated with numerous honors.
Don’t let the circumstances of life retard your growth, progress, or happiness. Depression is a serious thing, and it sometimes seems too heavy to lift. But don’t let depression cloud your vision for your life. Life may not be at all what you hoped and planned for. But you are still here. It’s your responsibility, not anyone else’s, to make your life the best it can be. So, live! Existing is not good enough…
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
I GOT MY HOE AND I’M READY TO WORK
Although I’m tempted to use this opportunity to complain about pretty much any and everything that is going on in my life, I won’t. I’ve just had an epiphany... Complaining ain’t getting me no where. I think I commit too much of my priceless time discussing how much I hate the current landscape of my life. Day after day and night after night, I stand up, peer into this garden called my life and look at the jacked up flower beds, the dying grass, and the hungry, busy, determined pests, eating away of what’s left in my life. Instead of grabbing my hoe, shovel, and a can of pesticide to make every effort to intervene, I’ve been sitting here staring with utter disgust. It’s time to stop mourning the loss of the growth, fruitfulness, and life that was once in the garden. It’s time to clean up, fertilize, water, and maintain this garden. Complaints ain’t gon’ get this garden back alive. Work-work-work will…
In the next few days, I’ll get to work doing things that count. I’m always busy. I’m not a lazy person. I just think I’ve been spending far too much time tending to other folks gardens, while my garden has been suffering due to gross neglect. Shame on me!
Don’t get me wrong, I do things for me. I’ve lost weight, started grad school, and take care of my home… But all of that stuff might make me better. But it is not the stuff to make me my best. I need to make a commitment to enter into my destiny. It’s time to get busy doing tasks that effect my destiny as it relates to God’s master plan for me.
Believe me, everything we do or not do certainly effects our destiny. Either we will have the life that God has called us to. Or we will have the life we have stumbled and fumbled into. It doesn’t even matter if you’ve been sincere in the fumbling that you were doing. Sincerity is nice. But it doesn’t help you develop into what you’ve been called to do. If anything, be sincere when making steps to fulfill your life call.
That sermon was mainly for me. But if you needed it to, make sure you chew before swallowing.
I’ve made this commitment before, but I’ll just make it again. Hopefully, this time I will not falter. I WILL GET MY SPEAKING BUSINESS OFF OF THE GROUND AND INTO THE SKY WHERE IT BELONGS. Okay, I did it. Another commitment. But this time… The possibilities are limitless when you make a commitment and maintain the commitment. I’m looking forward to this adventure.
One love,
Angie
Although I’m tempted to use this opportunity to complain about pretty much any and everything that is going on in my life, I won’t. I’ve just had an epiphany... Complaining ain’t getting me no where. I think I commit too much of my priceless time discussing how much I hate the current landscape of my life. Day after day and night after night, I stand up, peer into this garden called my life and look at the jacked up flower beds, the dying grass, and the hungry, busy, determined pests, eating away of what’s left in my life. Instead of grabbing my hoe, shovel, and a can of pesticide to make every effort to intervene, I’ve been sitting here staring with utter disgust. It’s time to stop mourning the loss of the growth, fruitfulness, and life that was once in the garden. It’s time to clean up, fertilize, water, and maintain this garden. Complaints ain’t gon’ get this garden back alive. Work-work-work will…
In the next few days, I’ll get to work doing things that count. I’m always busy. I’m not a lazy person. I just think I’ve been spending far too much time tending to other folks gardens, while my garden has been suffering due to gross neglect. Shame on me!
Don’t get me wrong, I do things for me. I’ve lost weight, started grad school, and take care of my home… But all of that stuff might make me better. But it is not the stuff to make me my best. I need to make a commitment to enter into my destiny. It’s time to get busy doing tasks that effect my destiny as it relates to God’s master plan for me.
Believe me, everything we do or not do certainly effects our destiny. Either we will have the life that God has called us to. Or we will have the life we have stumbled and fumbled into. It doesn’t even matter if you’ve been sincere in the fumbling that you were doing. Sincerity is nice. But it doesn’t help you develop into what you’ve been called to do. If anything, be sincere when making steps to fulfill your life call.
That sermon was mainly for me. But if you needed it to, make sure you chew before swallowing.
I’ve made this commitment before, but I’ll just make it again. Hopefully, this time I will not falter. I WILL GET MY SPEAKING BUSINESS OFF OF THE GROUND AND INTO THE SKY WHERE IT BELONGS. Okay, I did it. Another commitment. But this time… The possibilities are limitless when you make a commitment and maintain the commitment. I’m looking forward to this adventure.
One love,
Angie
Friday, June 16, 2006
OFF AND ON
If anyone is reading this blog besides me, I’m sure my off and on absence has been noticed. I made a commitment to blog 3 times a week. Have I? Of course not…
Let me explain… The afternoon of Mother’s Day, my house caught on fire for the 3rd time in 6 months. I was in the middle of helping my mother close on a new house. And I had my usual stuff going on around me that stresses me all the way out. Oh yeah… My internet access was interrupted by the move. There it is… My excuses for not adhering to my blog schedule. Please forgive me.
So, in order to let myself off the hook and to deflate some of the pressure that’s on me, I have decided to make some modifications to my blog schedule. At this point, I will only blog about disability issues. And not just “disability issues”, but my issues with my disability. I’m going to use this medium to discuss how my life is impacted by my blindness. You can expect to get something from me on the subject once or twice a week.
I hope and pray that my narrations about what I experience as a woman that’s blind will somehow educate, inspire, or just flat out entertain you. Take this journey with me. The journey to self love, growth, and peace.
Maybe later, when I’m more inclined, I will write about other subjects. The coolest thing about this blog is that it is mind. In fact, it’s one of the few things that is mine. So, I get to make this adjustment in my blogging schedule.
I pray that you are blessed and a recipient of God’s peace. Remember to love God, yourself, life, and others.
If anyone is reading this blog besides me, I’m sure my off and on absence has been noticed. I made a commitment to blog 3 times a week. Have I? Of course not…
Let me explain… The afternoon of Mother’s Day, my house caught on fire for the 3rd time in 6 months. I was in the middle of helping my mother close on a new house. And I had my usual stuff going on around me that stresses me all the way out. Oh yeah… My internet access was interrupted by the move. There it is… My excuses for not adhering to my blog schedule. Please forgive me.
So, in order to let myself off the hook and to deflate some of the pressure that’s on me, I have decided to make some modifications to my blog schedule. At this point, I will only blog about disability issues. And not just “disability issues”, but my issues with my disability. I’m going to use this medium to discuss how my life is impacted by my blindness. You can expect to get something from me on the subject once or twice a week.
I hope and pray that my narrations about what I experience as a woman that’s blind will somehow educate, inspire, or just flat out entertain you. Take this journey with me. The journey to self love, growth, and peace.
Maybe later, when I’m more inclined, I will write about other subjects. The coolest thing about this blog is that it is mind. In fact, it’s one of the few things that is mine. So, I get to make this adjustment in my blogging schedule.
I pray that you are blessed and a recipient of God’s peace. Remember to love God, yourself, life, and others.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
I STARTED RAMBLING TONIGHT, AND ENDED UP ENCOURAGING MYSELF!
Despite my persistent quest to have a normal life, which might be best described as an ordinary life, somehow, I manage to still experience life in the most out of ordinary kind of way. When God created me and designed the blueprint for my life, I wonder why He chose to make me different. I’m not talking about basic differences, like the shape of my nose, the color of my hair, the dimple in my cheek, or the sound of my voice. I’m talking about majorly significant characteristics to differentiate me from the rest. To say the least, I’m unique. My experiences, which are quite different, I must say, transformed me into a very different kind of chick. And the bad thing is, I don’t quite know for what. I have an idea. But that’s one of the unique things about me. I always have an idea about something or another. So, this is not out of the ordinary for me.
So far my ideas have not really transported me to a place of liberation. So, I want to disregard my ideas for a minute and fully consider the plans and thoughts that God has for me and my life. While I’m banging my head against the wall looking for a normal/conventional/ordinary job, God may not have designed me for a job like that. He may not have designed a job like that for me. I think that it is high time for me to tap into God’s master plan for my life. While I might be an imperfect girl, God has a perfect plan designed for my life.
Perfect does not mean that the plan does not include hardship, failures, and painful lessons. Perfect means that all of it, the good and the bad, the smiles and the tears, the pleasure and the pain, the peace and the tragedies; are all the necessary the ingredients to erect a life that gives God glory. I may not believe everything. But one thing I do believe is that “all things work together for the good for them who love the Lord and are called according to the plan and purpose of the Lord.” (Reference drawn from Romans 8.28)
Despite my persistent quest to have a normal life, which might be best described as an ordinary life, somehow, I manage to still experience life in the most out of ordinary kind of way. When God created me and designed the blueprint for my life, I wonder why He chose to make me different. I’m not talking about basic differences, like the shape of my nose, the color of my hair, the dimple in my cheek, or the sound of my voice. I’m talking about majorly significant characteristics to differentiate me from the rest. To say the least, I’m unique. My experiences, which are quite different, I must say, transformed me into a very different kind of chick. And the bad thing is, I don’t quite know for what. I have an idea. But that’s one of the unique things about me. I always have an idea about something or another. So, this is not out of the ordinary for me.
So far my ideas have not really transported me to a place of liberation. So, I want to disregard my ideas for a minute and fully consider the plans and thoughts that God has for me and my life. While I’m banging my head against the wall looking for a normal/conventional/ordinary job, God may not have designed me for a job like that. He may not have designed a job like that for me. I think that it is high time for me to tap into God’s master plan for my life. While I might be an imperfect girl, God has a perfect plan designed for my life.
Perfect does not mean that the plan does not include hardship, failures, and painful lessons. Perfect means that all of it, the good and the bad, the smiles and the tears, the pleasure and the pain, the peace and the tragedies; are all the necessary the ingredients to erect a life that gives God glory. I may not believe everything. But one thing I do believe is that “all things work together for the good for them who love the Lord and are called according to the plan and purpose of the Lord.” (Reference drawn from Romans 8.28)
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