Looking Back

In 2007, I was bullied by a former coworker. The incident caused me to experience fear, anxiety, stress, and a decrease in self confidence.
Despite how disturbed I was about the issue, I made a decision to use the experience to add to who I am rather to subtract. I didn't want this woman to succeed at taking me down a notch, just as she planned. I wiped my tears, stiffened my resolve, and determined myself to be the best employee in the office. Wen I left that job a year later, I had achieved 100% of my required goals.
That experience, along with other circumstances, helped me develop into an even stronger woman than I was in 2007. I thought I was tough then. Well, I'm fierce now.
That same woman that had the nerve to get in my face and seek to humiliate me would not want to try that today. The end result would certainly be different. I'll just say this... I certainly wouldn't be in tears, scared, and intimidated. I would match that woman's nastiness with a boldness to protect my personal peace and civil rights.
So, Ms. Lloyd, you didn't win. I'm better because of you.

My Random thoughts

As many of you know, I post my random thoughts about very specific things from time to time. Well, I'm inspired to open the window of my head and let you guys see what I'm thinking.

1. This morning, I'm sitting on the floor in my upstairs den, listening to the silence that hardly ever occurs at my house. It seems that the only time it is quiet around here is when the residents are sleep. And even then, I doubt if they are quiet. I'm sure that their dreams are filled with the noise and unrest they fill my house with when they are awake. I will be so glad when I can live alone again. I will be able to control the thermostat, the on and off button on the televisions, turn the ringers off on the phones when the spirit hits me, and walk around the house with or without clothes.
Am I a control freak? Perhaps... When it comes to the place I call home, I like to control certain aspects of it. Failure to control the noise level and conflicts makes me nervous. This is why I need to live alone or with someone that matches my temperament.

2. Last month, my aunt died. I cannot believe she's gone. Although she and I had what many, including myself, would call a terrible relationship, I will admit that I'm sad she's gone. Contrary to what she and perhaps others believed, I did love her. I didn't agree with how she did certain things, but I understood how she got to be and act the way she did. Again, I hate that she's gone.
I wish she was still here, enjoying the many hours of christian television she would watch daily. I wish she was still here to enjoy the warm colors she painted on the interior of her house earlier this year. I wish she was still here to go to church and enjoy her pastor and the church family. I wish she was still here to see my nephew and nieces grow up. I wish she was still here to watch Sunday's Best while she's on the phone with my mother.
In a few hours, I will be going to the house where my aunt lived to continue the process to clean it out. Each time I go, I am met with the sadness of knowing that with the exception of my mother, all of the residents of that house, are now gone; my grandparents and three of their daughters. My mother is the only one left. emptying the house seems like a betrayal to the memory of my family. and it is also a reminder that one day, and perhaps one day soon, my mother will join her parents and sisters.
Well, I guess I better stop with this random thought. It's making me quite sad.

3. I honestly desire to blog more, but much of what I would like to say is not what I would really like people to know. I guess I need to keep a private journal. Getting my thoughts outside of my head is quite therapeutic. However, sharing these thoughts with people that actually know me is outright crazy at best. I do need to find an outlet to unload. Perhaps one day, I'll be bold and put some of my "real" business out here for you guys to read. You know... It's like this... Even though I've been blogging here on NuVision for a NuDay for seven years, I'm quite careful what I put out here. I don't want my words to come back and strangle me in the future. So, many times, when I feel inspired to run to my blog and unleash, I hold back. this is the reason why my blogging has become less and less over the years.

4. I'm running a demo version of JAWS. It cuts off every 40 minutes. This is really getting on my nerves. It slows my progress down. I got to figure out a way to purchase the upgrade of JAWS. I'll let you guys know when that happens. My demo version is about to cut off now. **sighing**

5. I think I'm going to post again this week. Be on the lookout.
Love,
AB

In Honor of my Sister, Frances--Sarcoma Awareness Month

This past Sunday, I was a guest on Real World-Real Talk on KTSU 90.9 FM, discussing Sarcoma Awareness. Here's a link to the show if you missed it. Although I think it would be a great idea for you to listen to the entire show, you can catch my segment around 16:05. Take a listen. And while you're at it, say a prayer for my sister, who is fighting this dreadful disease. **Love you, Frances!**
http://dzcofield.weebly.com/real-world-real-talk-radio.html

No more disabilities, please!

My mother asked me to take her walker in the house for her. Because it was too heavy for me to lift, I decided to push it in. I was running all off the sidewalk and into the bushes. I thought to myself that this blind girl bet not ever suffer any illness and injury that will cause me to have mobility issues. If I ever do, I will be in bad shape.
Tonight, I was reminded of when I broke my ankle my last semester in college. Walking with a cane and crutches was nearly impossible. I had to get sighted assistance to travel throughout the campus to get to my classes. That was a tough six weeks! I can't imagine a life of that.
God, help me get my health in check. I don't need any more disabilities!!!!!!!!!

The Midnight Betrayal

Every since I was a teenager, the midnight hours were the time I felt the pressures of life lift. The stillness of the night would ignite my creativity, provoke relaxation, and prompt major introspection. But in the last few years, that's when all the pressures of my life seem to find me and weigh me down the most. My thoughts are marching and sometimes racing through my head. My creativity is stifled and disconnected. And sleep is... Well, I don't know what sleep is. Even when I do fall asleep, I'm accosted by my thoughts in the form of high activity dream schemes. I wonder what the cause of this flip flop is.

Part of the problem is my family. For some reason, my sister, who is staying with us because she's unemployed, does not sleep at night. She stays up and watches television all night. The sound of the television gets on my nerves. The voices from the television competes with the voices of the characters for the book and plays I'm writing. And not only does my sister stay up all night, my mother is also invading my late night hours. She stays up half the night, watching westerns or the sci-fi channel. She even decides to do housework at three o'clock in the morning.

I wish they would go to bed and leave me with that time to myself. They have truly taken away from why night time was so special to me. In the past, the night time hours were the time I would use to be by myself. I would often use that time to study, write, or read. I wouldn't even listen to music or watch television. I was glad enough to be with my thoughts or the power of creativity.

I got to figure out a way to get my night time hours back. Whether I’m using the night time for conscious relaxation, sessions of creativity, or blissful sleep doesn’t make any difference to me. I just need my friends, the moon and the stars, to romance me again.

A Little Bit More Randomness from Yours Truly

Hello Readers!
Every now and then, I post some of my "random thoughts. Well, here's the latest edition of my random thoughts about very specific things."

1. I love, love, love the ABC hit show, Scandal!!!!!!!! I can't say that I've been this excited about watching television in a long time. I think that the show is awesome. It's full of smart drama, which keeps my brain happy. It's fast pace, which is very accommodating to my undiagnosed ADD. And it's dialogue heavy. The more wordy a show is, the more I can follow it. Action packed shows and movies are fine, but it's often too visual. So, that doesn't make for good television or movie watching for me.
I hear that certain networks are offering visual descriptions for a few hours of programming per week. I need to look into that. I think that may be cool!

2. I also love to watch murder mystery and/or true crime shows, like Snapped, 48 Hours, and Cold Case Files. My friend says that I'm a weirdo. He thinks I'm too caught up on shows and books that glorify murder. I think that I'm just a sucker for a good story. And the one thing I love about those shows is the narration. I don't have to wonder what's happening on the screen. The narrator tells the whole story, often describing the crime scene and even what the people looked like. I guess this is why I like to watch most documentaries. That reminds me... Other than my true crime shows, I haven't seen a good documentary lately. I need to go to Netflix and find one to watch. Any suggestions?

3. Trying to find a bedspread or any home decor, for that matter, is quite difficult when you can't see. I simply don't know what I like anymore. Well, I do know that I like nice stuff. I like items that are well made and beautiful. But what's beautiful to a blind person. Perhaps what others tell me is beautiful? But wait a minute... What's beautiful to one person is not beautiful to another. So, who do I believe? Now, do you understand why it's so hard for me to pick out a new comforter and pictures for my room?

4. Last week, I traveled inside one of the buildings at TSU with my cane. It was fun to be back in the saddle again. I don't get to use my cane that often these days. Working from home keeps me in the house most of the time. So, cane travel is not something I get a chance to do that often. I need to start getting out more. I don't want to lose my good cane skills or the little traveling confidence I have.

5. Last week, my aunt, who stays mad at me, told me that I was blind, stupid, and cursed." Well, she was right about one of those three things. So glad I don't believe everything people say to me or about me. Otherwise, I would be blind, stupid, and cursed for real!

Well, that's it for now.

Oh, before I sign off, I have one request. Spread the word about NuVision for a NuDay. Share my posts on Facebook, Twitter, and any social networking site you're on. The more the merrier!!!!!

Peace and light,
Angela Braden

Happy 7th Anniversary to NuVision for a Nuday!

I'd like to thank all of the intentional readers and unintentional stragglers that visit my blog. You are the reason why I keep writing and posting! Again, thank you!

Dear NuVision,
It's been a fun ride for the last seven years. Forgive me for trying to cut you loose throughout our time together. You've been there for me when no one else would listen to my rambled thoughts, rants, memories, and emotional commentary. Sorry that I've underestimated your value in my life. Here's to another great year together!
Love,
Angela Braden

P.S. I won't forget you when my book comes out.

Touched by a Reader of NuVision for a NuDay

"My name is Gabriel Campero and I'm a reader from Venezuela.
I visit your blog from time to time, and I always appreciate the courage and sincerity with which you share your life and thoughts.
Your posts have been moving and uplifting. In the highest sense of those words.
Please keep up posting, even if it is sporadic. You have a gift: the ability to touch others through your words.
I remember having read that you were working on your memoirs. I wish you much success in that project. I'm sure they will be a fantastic reading experience, which will be able to influence people.
Today I want to thank you for your words on this blog. At least in one opportunity, they have reached across the ocean, across the darkness, and given strength and optimism to a fellow human-being, in very different life conditions. I beg you, don't close the door for that possibility."

Thank you, Gabriel!!!!!!! You've inspired me to keep writing! Thanks for adding to my strength and optimism as it pertains to this task of sharing my voice on the web!
All the best to you!
Angela L. Braden

I'm on my way!

I'm in the process of writing my first memoir. I've been on this journey for a couple years now. Starting and stopping as the spirit of faith or fear hits me. I've come to the conclusion that I need to write as if my life depends on it. I cannot allow fear, family medical problems, and even my personal health to distract me from achieving my publishing goals. I will be a published author!!!!!!! I declare it!

I've recently connected with a writing coach to help me access and utilize all the tools to construct a beautiful memoir. My writing coach, who is a New York Times' best selling author, actually gave me a good review of the first 15 pages of my manuscript. She gave me some constructive criticism that I absolutely needed to help me make definite improvements to my memoir. I'm hoping that at the end of the month, I can submit at least 100 pages of my manuscript to her for critical review and feedback.

I've also been researching literary agents that I believe will be a good fit for me. While I'm kind of afraid to be rejected by dozens of literary agents, I'm not going to allow my fear to paralyze my efforts to aquire agent representation this year. I'm resting in the idea that God will connect me with the person that I need to be connected with. It shall happen!

I'll keep you all posted as I carve out this specific block of my life into my first published memoir.

Taking Care of Me

It's been so easy to shove my health to the side as I've cared for others. I'm now having to correct what I've neglected over the years. Even now, I'm tempted to shuffle my list of priorities and move me down a few rungs. But I'm forcing myself to think of myself, to consider myself, to love myself, to care for myself, to restore myself, to nourish myself, and to protect myself.
Where do you fall on your list of priorities?
"Loveth thine self as you loveth others." Braden 1:1

Glaucoma, Blindness, Doctors, and Angie

Earlier this week, I had an eye exam by an ophthalmologist that was completely unfamiliar with the extensive history of my infamous eye condition. I was very pleased that this particular physician didn't rush through my visit, just because I have one totally blind eye and one fake eye. Even though I informed her that the effort to save my eyesight ended twenty years ago, she still took the time to carefully examine my eye as if “preventative treatment” was even a possibility.
For about ten to fifteen minutes, she thoroughly examined the exterior, interior, and back of my eye to make sure that additional diseases hadn't set up shop in my already battered eye. I appreciate her patience and commitment to comprehensive care.

I’m very glad that my Glaucoma seems to be in remission, if you will. However, I do find it interesting that my Glaucoma seems to be well behaved now that all of my sight is gone. I haven’t had a drop of Glaucoma medication in over ten years. When I was being pillaged and assaulted by Glaucoma in the 80’s and 90’s, I couldn’t get enough medicine or have enough surgeries. It almost seems like it was fate for me to be blinded by Glaucoma.

During my eye exam, I gave the doctor a quick synopsis of how, why, and when I lost all my sight. It’s a story I tell often, being that people always want to know “what happened” to me. I’ve learned how to give a painless, well packaged run down of my thirty year story in about three minutes. However, when I get a chance to tell my story to someone that understands ophthalmologic conditions and treatments, I’m all too eager to share the gritty details. And usually, the ophthalmologic professional is all too eager to listen. It’s a story that is unglamorous, but incredible in so many ways.

After I finished telling my story, I engaged in a little name dropping. I told her that I was once a patient of Dr. Ronald Gross, one of the rock stars in the field of Glaucoma care. As I expected, she perked up even more and started singing her praises of Dr. Gross. She told me how he has saved the sight of so many. “Too bad I wasn’t one of those many people he helped save their sight.” I thought.

The truth is that Dr. Gross did everything he possibly could to try to save my sight. He tried new medication, groundbreaking surgical techniques, and even allowed us to pray for him before operating on my eyes. But despite his best efforts, I still lost all of my sight. I don’t blame him though. As I aforementioned, it almost seems that Glaucoma was supposed to win. Dr. Gross was just on the losing team when it came to this particular patient.

Although Dr. Gross didn’t succeed at saving my sight, he did save my life. He joined the ranks of individuals that ignited a fire in me to overcome the perils of blindness. He took an interest in the whole me, and not just in my eyes. He always asked me about school. And he always told me I can be anything I wanted to be. I believed him. And I even loved him very much. He was indeed my doctor, but he was also a source of compassion and strength.

My new ophthalmologist informed me that Dr. Gross is leaving Houston and moving to West Virginia. I did a Google search tonight and found the press release that discusses his new opportunity.
http://wvuhealthcare.com/wvuh/Content/Media/News-Releases/2012/DEC/Dr-Ronald-L-Gross-to-lead-WVU-Eye-Institute?feed=News-Releases-RSS

Reading that press release swept me back to 1987 when Dr. Gross first started working for Baylor as the new Glaucoma specialist. My former doctor had committed suicide and left a stable of patients that needed immediate medical treatment. I was one of them. So, Dr. Gross got to work on my very sick eyes right after taking the new position. I was only 13-years-old. I didn’t even know that my former doctor had committed suicide. I only knew he had died. The staff at the clinic and my parents thought I was too young and fragile to learn of the real reason my doctor was dead. I’m not sure if Dr. Gross was in on the secret. I do know, however, that he was all too aware of the challenges associated with my eye diseases. And he bravely accepted the challenge to try to help me.

Dr. Gross took care of me for nearly fifteen years. The only reason I stopped seeing Dr. Gross was because of insurance changes. If I could, I would still be in his chair, allowing him to look in the eyes that were there when he started his career at Baylor.

I loved him when I was a kid. And as creepy as it may seem to some, I love him now. I sincerely wish him the very best.

Next week, I’m going to find out when and if he’s left Houston already. I think it is only appropriate that I send him a going away/congratulations/appreciation gift. He is truly a historical figure in the life pages of Angela Braden.

Good luck, Dr. Gross!

New Chapter?

This has been my home on the web since March of 2006. When I started this blog, my voice was incredibly unique.
there were hardly any bloggers that provided random stragglers on the web a look into their personal life. So, whenever I got tired and/or bored with my blog, I pushed myself to keep writing. I wanted to do whatever I could to lend my voice to a population of people that needed to be heard.
Now, there are hundreds of blogs that provide thousands a chance to read about their daily triumphs, struggles, joys, and disappointments with disability. Some disability bloggers enjoy great traffic and constant feedback from readers. yay for them!
Lately, I honestly do not feel the burden to maintain this blog like I did a few years ago. I feel that there are others to hold up the light; and many of them can do it a lot better and more consistently than me.
Furthermore, because I'm taking so much time working on other goals, it's very difficult for me to make this blog a priority. So, I've really been considering letting this boat float out here in the waters of the world wide web, unmanned, but still with direction.
I know I've thrown this arrow out here a few times, only to continue posting on NuVision for a NuDay. However, this time, I'm going to make a final decision if this month will be my last month posting on this blog. When I make my decision, I will let you all know. Sounds fair?
Until then, be well and prosperous.
Angela L. Braden