Saturday, March 17, 2007

It's Finally Happening. I'm Blogging More Often.

From the day I started this blog, I desired to post pretty often. Somehow, I managed to let time and space get between my blog entries. It wasn't that I didn't have anything to say. It wasn't even because I didn't have time to say it. I simply just didn't have the motivation.

Plus, I wanted my blog to be focused and not just ramblings from an opinionated, blind, black woman. So many folks use their blog as outlets to complain, murmur, and moan. I didn’t want this blog to be used for that. It’s tempting. But I refuse to go there.

In the last couple of weeks, it seems that I am now motivated enough to keep this writing up. Why am I more motivated? I'm not sure. Maybe it's just a new season for me. I’m hoping that the season will last for a while. I have a few writing projects that I need to push out. God help. I need to make some money!

I kind of think of writing as a way for me to cleanse myself of all the emotional toxins that's trapped inside of me. I'm surrounded by so much negativity. I think that this blog is a place that I can just empty myself out. Of course, I'm not disclosing all the crap I feel on the inside and out. But getting a little something-something out actually helps.

My aunt just called me at 3:00 A.M. with her usual rant about something that me and my sisters are and/or aren't doing. Talking to her sends me to a place that I hate visiting. But she is simply inescapable. I don’t want to be rude to her and hang up on her when she calls. So, I just indulge her. Yes, I know… That’s my fault.

Let me get this straight… I absolutely don't hate my aunt; I just hate what she likes to talk about when she calls. What's that? Negativity. If it's negative, she loves to talk about it. She likes to call here and talk about things that happened 10, 20, 30, 40, and even 50 years ago. She brings up stuff that dead folks did when they had breath in their bodies. Again, if it’s negative, it’s on her tongue.

I'm not a person that likes to reexplore the pain that I experienced in the past. Why rehearse the pain? I got enough pain this very minute. Why do I need to remind myself of the pain I experienced days ago, especially years ago.

And if I’m thinking about things that hurt me only to remember how and why they hurt me, I’ve just became my aunt. And that’s not an option for me. Unless thinking about my pain can empower me to create happiness, wealth, newness, and self worth, I don’t want to have anything to do with it.

My conversation with her sent me to this blog. Besides my ability to choose, decide on a perspective, and love, it is the only thing that I own and control. It’s my space. And in my space, I feel safe. (I didn’t mean for that to rhyme.)

I have to remember what is important to me. So many of the entries on my blog remind me of the hope and peace that I cling to with dear life, and why I do cling to it. I refuse to allow anyone to disturb that. I don't care who it is.

So, I often travel to my blog to read the different entries. I’m sometimes encouraged by the words that God spills out of me.

It’s official… I dedicate this blog for hope, healing, and love. And if I talk about pain, I will be talking about what I gained from the pain.

Don’t get me wrong… I don’t despise pain. I’ll explain that concept in another entry. Stay tuned.

Until we meet again, I pray that you make time to reach out to the Master. I also pray that you are refreshed, energized, and over loaded with satisfaction.

Much love, peace, and healing from pain,

Angie Braden

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