Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Moonlight Madness

Somewhere around fifteen-years-old, I developed this love for the night. I don't know. It was something about the midnight hours that relaxed me. No, not the kind of relaxation that seduces you to a good night sleep. I'm talking about the relaxation that's so good that you want to stay awake to enjoy it.

My unorthodox sleeping habits made its appearance when I moved out of my mother’s house and into a dorm at the Texas School for the Blind in Austin. Not immediately though… After one normal year of going to bed at roughly 10:00, the moon started calling my name. I started staying up to watch late night television, read books, and any other activity I wanted to do. I just enjoyed the silence of night.

Every night midnight rewarded me with silence. And silence was what I needed to gather my thoughts, do whatever I desired to do without any annoying interruptions, recover from the nonsense of the day, and heal my gaping wounds.

Another reason why I liked to stay up at night is because the folks that stood on my nerves would be sleep. It seemed that I could only escape them when they were sleep.

Let me explain, I lived in a dorm with a bunch of other girls. Most of them were not my friends. In fact, my dormmates were apart of that group of people that worked on my nerves the most. (I hate to be mean. It is what it is.)

But there was a chick that I loved hanging out with. She was one of the coolest white girls that I have ever known. Cassie also had an affair with the midnight moon. We would stay up and talk, read, watch television, try on clothes, and just sit in her room, soaking up the peaceful silence.

(I had to go to Cassie’s room at night. My roommate, Ladama, didn’t have any problem sleeping at night. So to give the sleeping respect, I would sneak down the hall to Cassie’s room after the dorm supervisor ordered the lights off.)

But it came with consequences though. We would often get in trouble by the night-time dorm supervisor. But that didn't stop us though. What did two night owls care about being on restriction in the evenings? That’s the time we would get our naps in.

So here I am... Fifteen years later... And I still find myself being more comfortable with 4:00 A.M. than 4:00 P.M.

But something is different lately. I'm up, but I'm not relaxed. I'm up, but I'm not at peace. I’m up, but not really getting much accomplished. I'm just up. And I’m not really comfortable with that.

I need to reevaluate some things. I need to take an honest look at my sleeping habits. I guess what I’m trying to figure out is:

Is staying up all hours of the night a choice?
What’s the real reason I can’t/don’t like to sleep at night?
Am I making the best of my time awake?
Are all these sleepless nights finally catching up with me?
Is it okay that I’m a woman of the night? (Get your mind out of the gutter. LOL)
Is it just my nature to be up late at night?
Does my blindness have anything to do with my clock being different from most people?

I guess I got a lot of exploring to do. In the meantime, I think I’m going to force myself to get in the bed. It’s 4:30 in the A.M. I guess this is a good time to call it a night.

Well, good night. Or should I say Good morning?


1 comment:

Tanae' said...

I can really relate... I used to have trouble sleeping at night and I could never figure out why. I finally realized that, for me, it was the lonliness that I fell in love with. During the night, I never had to worry about anyone calling me or bothering me or interupting my silence. I was free to be alone and thats what kept me going most of the time. Thanx for posting this... you just inspired my next blog! LoL!