Saturday, April 05, 2008

Something I wrote a few months ago...

**I'm not really into posting negative pieces, but I wanted to share something I wrote a few months ago. I was all out of tears, so I sat down and cried on paper. The inspiration of this piece was the phantom pain that I experience in the spot that I used to have a real eye. Apparently, I'm not supposed to feel any more pain there. So, I'm one of the percentage of folks that get the lucky draw of not having a limb and/or an eye, but still feeling the pain that was there when the limb/eye was there. Ain't that a trip?
Yes, I had my left eye removed in 2004. This is my first time speaking of it so openly on my blog. The removal of my eye is a source of pain that I choose to hide from. But now, I feel is the time to start dealing with it head on.
So, take a look at this piece of what I guess I will call poetry. Perhaps in the coming days, I will write more extensively about the reason why my eye had to be removed, the way I felt about getting it removed, and the way I feel now about it being removed.
I know that this piece is pretty depressing, but that's how I was feeling when I wrote it. Don't worry, I'm cool now. I was just hurting that particular night.
I love ya. And God bless.
Peace out,


Heart shattering
Mind Battering
Emotions Clattering
All in my head
All in my body
All in my brain
I feel so clouded
I don’t know what’s worse
The physical pain or the emotional pain
Maybe if I could take some medicine to numb the pain
I would feel differently about the pain that rapes my body and emotions
But there is no sab
There is no pill
There is no anesthesia
There is no surgery
There is no cure
To help the pain disappear
It’s there
Stronger and more clever
Every time I think I grabbed it at the root
And pulled it from the ground
It springs back up
Sometimes in a different form
And sometimes more potent
But always the same
Physical pain or emotional pain
I’m so sad that I’m so acquainted with it.
I’m so sad that my familiarity with the pain is so high
Even when I’m not supposed to feel pain
My brain sends a signal to the empty place to hurt
How could something that’s not there hurt?
How can something that is basically useless experience so much pain?
I used to think that my mind was my best asset.
So, what is up with that?
Why can’t my mind erase the feeling that it knows far too well
Yeah, I know it can’t get rid of the memory
But that’s what it’s supposed to be
A memory
The memory shouldn’t turn into reality
What is it?
Why is it?
How is it?

Angela L. Braden
01/28/2008 at 11:13 P.M.

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