Sunday, June 21, 2009

Waiting in the Dark

A couple days ago, one of my best friends told me that her boyfriend always reminds her to call me back. She said that he doesn't like the idea that I'm sitting around in the dark, waiting for her to call. So, he often pushes her to call me, the blind friend, back.

Um, really?

Is that the only reason why "my friend" would need to call me back? To save me from a life of dark bordem? To save me from being lonely and blind? To save me from myself?

I guess calling me back because I'm a friend is not a good enough reason in his mind.

I know that when my friend reads this, she will likely be disappointed that I wrote about it. But I'm not writing about it to express anger in her man. I'm not even writing about it to put the brotha on blast. **So, don't take offense to this.**

The reason why I'm taking time to write about it is to point out how many people perceive me. Most of the people that I've come in contact with see me as a lonely, blind chick that lives in the dark, with no friends, and charitable family to care for me.

I hate that people see me as the "blind friend". I don't want to be the "blind church member". I don't want to be Frances, Paula, and Kim's "blind sister". And I'm shonuff sick of being Mama and Daddy's "blind daughter".

Because when people start seeing you as the "blind one", then they place different expectations and demands on the relationship. And many of those expectations and demands are unfounded and basically ridiculous.

Yes, I need a sighted guide to get around. Yes, I may need some assistance knowing what color some clothing items are. Yes, I need people to read to me from time to time.

But I don't need a special provisional friendship. I just need my friends to be a friend. Not a friend to the blind... But a friend to a friend...

But I might as well give up on that wish. I am the "blind lady" in all of my circles. It is what it is.

However I refuse to play the role that people are trying to assign to me. I will just be me. And from what I gather, to my real friends, the people that "know" me, being me is good enough.

**To my friend: Please, please don't be offended because I wrote about this. I'm not trying to slander your man. I'm just thinking out loud. And when I do think out loud about blindness related issues, it get's splattered on my blog, NuVision.
Love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Becky said...

ABSOLUTELY!! I know your friend meant well ... but I can really relate to what you are describing. My friend and I were just talking about this on Saturday! We will always long for that, don't you think and appreciate those times when it occurs.

Angie-Nuvision said...

Hey Becky!!!! Thank you so much for continuing to drop by my blog and share your perspective. I truly appreciate it.
Likewise, I thank you for including NuVision on your blog roll. That's so nice!!!
Have a great week!
Angie Braden

I plan to start posting more. :)

MackDiva said...

As the "friend" in question, I'm certainly not offended that you chose to write about this. In fact, THIS is the kind of stuff that's perfect for your blog. However, for the record, I just want to add my response -- "Uh, what she's NOT doing is sitting around waiting for me to call!" HE may not know what's up, but I do. :) said...

Hi there,

This is so important that you have written about this. Why would ANYONE think that you are lonely just because you are blind? I don't understand THAT assumption at all... blind people can build friendships just as sighted people can.

Your friend ...if she is a TRUE friend...should not have to be reminded to call you back. She should call you because she WANTS to hear your voice and engage with you.