Earlier this year, in the spring months, I entered into a place of repositioning. My already challenged patience for my job was increasingly waning, and each day was a struggle for me to focus, to maintain productivity, and to even pretend like I was happy at all. I was tired of the hour-long commute from my house to the job and then another hour to get back home after an annoying day at work. I was tired of the $200 a week fuel bill. I was growing more and more frustrated with some of the clients on my case load. And although I am quite grateful for my sister, Frances, and her willingness to get up and take me to and from work each day, I was quite tired of being forced to endure her preference for certain genres of music and her sometimes dangerous driving habits.
I didn’t know how I was going to get away from that job, but I knew I had to do something to break away. I felt like I was turning into a miserable person, resenting the fact that I had to get up and go to a job that I was perhaps good at, but nevertheless hated. I didn’t want to be like the millions of Americans, who found that it was safe, necessary, and acceptable to settle for less, to settle for a job/a situation/a relationship that was not really good for them, only because they couldn’t see another option.
Yes, the situation may indeed have its benefits. But if the relationship/job/situation is chipping away at your very core and driving you further away from what it is you know you were designed to experience in this life, then I would venture out to say the seemingly beneficial value of the situation is quite less than the damage that staying in that situation can do to your soul. That’s why you meat people, who souls stench from the decay that began long ago, when they decided to stay in a situation that was deadly to their personal growth, development, and overall satisfaction.
One thing I knew for sure was that I was good at my job. But I also knew that my job was not good for me. I was becoming more and more numb to my clients, and starting to develop an attitude of “whatever” when it came to trying to reach my goals. The stress and anxiety had started eating away at me, and I was becoming something that I never wanted to be, an annoyed social service worker.
Now grant it, part of the reason why I was so incredibly tired of my job was because my job did not fully appreciate me. They refused to provide me with the tools that I needed to effectively do my job. So, needless to say, doing my job was stressful. I refused to slack on the job, and to not achieve the very best was not even an option. So, that meant I had to bust my butt to get the job done. And that’s what I did. I worked hard to make sure that my worked reflected my core values and to provide quality services to my clients, no matter how hard or stressful it was to do so.
But no doubt, I developed some angst in my heart for my employer (not my manager) for taking advantage of the fact that I was the kind of person that would work hard to meet the goal, even if I didn’t have the tools to do it. I felt that my employer felt that accommodations were just something that I felt like I “wanted” rather than what I needed. I really felt like they, whoever they are, felt that if I was doing the job without the reasonable accommodation, then the so called reasonable accommodation must’ve not been necessary.
This square dance went on for over a year. And finally, I got tired of the dance. It was time for me to switch partners. But honestly, I wasn’t sure if there was another employer that wanted to dance with a blind chick. So, my heart grew heavy, and I continued dancing with my then partner, smiling, but wishing I could get away from them as quickly as possible.
**Stay tuned for the continuation of this.**
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