Saturday, August 16, 2008

Transition Part II.

My job as a counselor got harder when my already inaccessible data base system became more inaccessible when they upgraded some software on my computer. Let me provide some background real quick…

The program that the agency uses to document client information is not user friendly for individuals who use screen reading software, such as the blind. In fact, the software is so terribly inaccessible; the state is working diligently to create a software that will work for blind employees. Well, my manager didn’t quite know how inaccessible this software was when she hired me. So, here I was starting a job that didn’t seem doable once I actually got through the door.

I was so frustrated. I honestly thought that I was going to have to quit, simply because I really couldn’t fulfill the essential functions of the job. Many of the tasks that a counselor was required to do, I could not do; and it was because the software was not written to ever work with technology for the blind.

I couldn’t understand why the Lord would open a door for me, just to get me on the inside to fail. Because I knew that was not apart of His plan and how God works, I made it my business to push past the obstacles so that I could complete the task that God had put before me. There was a reason why God had walked me through that door. So, I had to do whatever was necessary to fulfill the assignment that was within the walls of my job. I truly believe that God never opens a door without providing you with the provision to be successful on the other side of that door.

So, I got to work, trying to figure out how to make that darn computer program work. For the first couple of months, I bumped around the system, trouble-shooting many of the functions of the software. My manager and I would sit at the computer together, trying many different things, hoping and wishing for a breakthrough. And you know what? Sometimes, we would break different barriers down, and many of the tasks that seemed impossible became possible. With a few extra strokes on my keyboard, many of the actions on the software that the other counselors was able to do with just a click of the mouse, became possible to me. Thank God!

Once we broke the code on many of the software functions, I got moving as fast as I could to learn more about how to effectively serve my clients now that my major computer issues seemed to be resolved. Yeah, I still had some issues with the computer. But overall, it was much better. From time to time, I had to go get some eyeballs to look at something for me. But for the most part, I was able to do my job and do it well.

Thankfully, I had an excellent manager, who trained me to document my cases comprehensively. She also provided me excellent guidance on how to provide quality services to our clients. My confidence increased each day as I would achieve certain milestones on my cases. I was so proud that I was able to touch so many lives. It was truly a blessing.

Yes, the commute was still getting on my nerves. But I felt proud to do my job. I honestly felt like I was helping the people I was working with. I also felt that my presence in the office sent a loud message to the disabled individuals that we were helping prepare for, find, and maintain competitive employment... My presence in the office let the disabled folks know that someone with a disability is definitely capable of becoming employed and being a vital, productive member of society. My presence let many newly disabled folks know that there is indeed life after disability.

“Yes, it may indeed be hard, but you can make it. You can achieve your goals with faith, support from family, friends, community/government resources, and of course, hard work.” That’s the message I tried to send while working at my job. And honestly, I think I achieved that goal.

Well, after being at my job for nearly a year, some of the technology that I requested finally came into the office. But in order for me to use the technology proficiently, the help desk needed to upgrade the software on my computer. Well, when they did, the main software that I used to do my job as a counselor went berserk. It was almost liked the software got flipped upside down. It was terrible!

Every single day, for at least an hour, I was on the phone with the help desk, trying to get my computer running at least at the same level it was before. But to no avail, two months of trouble-shooting could not get it going.

My frustration mounted as my clients became frustrated with my slow pace to provide services. And I don’t blame my clients... Why should they have to suffer, just because my computer was jacked up?

I started feeling like that long drive to my office everyday and all that gas I was putting in my car was for nothing. I was coming to work everyday, only to be frustrated and only to frustrate my clients. The pressure to perform at the same level, but without the same tools, mounted on me, and burn out started rearing its awful head.

I had to make a break. This job that I was good at, but was not designed to do/called to do, became increasingly stressful once I couldn’t do it effectively. I felt that my grace, the provisional patience to do the job and to stay on the job without frowning, had run out. I was officially unhappy.

**Stay tuned. This story will take a while. Honestly, I didn’t think I would ever tell this story hear on my blog. But I feel like I need to tell it. Someone may be helped…**


Lovebabz said...

Hello Sister,
I know the feeling of unhappiness on a job. Perhaps there is another message being whipered to you. Be still and listen. Perhpas this is not the job for you. And you needed to be there to understand that.

Grace does not run out. YOu are frustrated and feel likeyou are not getting what you want. Surrender to the moment and see what GOD does next.

I know a little something about transitions...LOL!

Angie-Nuvision said...

Babz, you are so right. Thanks for your love and wisdom.

Brother John said...

Stumbled across your blog online. Very transparent and very thoughtful. Blessings to you sis and I'll be praying for your continued strength and guidance.

Brother John

Angie-Nuvision said...

Bro. John: Thanks for stopping by and making a comment. Please do me the honor of visiting me again.