In the recent weeks, I've been engaging in more self discovery, exploration, and analysis than I normally do. I've been sitting and talking with my friends, the folks that know me the most, discussing with them who Angie really is.
Most of what we discuss is not a shock to me. I pretty much know myself very well. However, there has been a couple of conversations that has left me feeling wide open, naked, and nervous. And that, I don't like.
I'm starting to discover more and more that my insecurities run deep. And as long as folks don't see it, I feel like that's cool. But if someone sees those insecurities, and if they manage to touch me where I'm insecure, I get freaked out.
Miko says that I'm a control freek. Perhaps the sista is right. But shhhh.... Don't tell her I said so.
While looking through some of the things that I have written over the years, I found a piece that tripped me out. The piece discusses how uncomfortable I am with people seeing the real me. The piece further discusses how I go to many lengths to cover myself up, with the hope that I protect myself from rejection.
I think I wrote this piece back in 2001. What's funny is that it is 2008, and I think I feel the same way now.
Miko pointed out that a love experience that I had back in 1995 is what messed me up. From the look at the below piece, I think she may be right.
Dang, I got a lot of work to do!
Hopefully, the folks that I do allow to take a peek under my quilt will help me do away with these insecurities that I'm trying to hide so much. Hopefully, they will help me learn to be more comfortable, and eventually incredibly secure with who Angie is.
Well, here's the piece.
Peace and love,
ALB
December 17, 2001
1:30 A.M.
I hate it when you look inside of me
Searching and digging around all of my junk
Trying to see what’s true and what’s false
Stop looking in me
I’m afraid if you keep on looking
You gon’ see the real me
Yes, the real me
That’s right… The real me is well hidden on the inside of me.
I said stop looking.
You might not like what you find
My past, my fears, my suppressed desires, all of my cravings
Even my secret sins are locked up in my private chamber
Did you hear me say private?
That’s why I don’t want you, nor need you looking inside
Can you respect that?
Why are you so interested in the real me anyway?
Can’t you be satisfied with what I permit you to see?
Trust me, what I’ve let you see, is intensely, immensely, incessantly better than the real me
So, submit to the sanctions
The real me is not as cute, polished or presentable.
Is tattered, shattered, and full of flaws.
Don’t act like you can deal with my imperfections.
If I can’t, I show nuff know you can’t.
Yeah, that’s right. I can’t deal with me, no more than you can.
I keep the real me hidden from even me.
If I don’t like it
If I can’t face it
If I can’t embrace it
What makes you think you can handle it more than me?
I said, stop looking at me
You might see what I don’t want you to see
You might mess around and see the real me
You might see the aches the pains, the tears, the dementia, the sorrow, the cracks, the hate
I don’t really want you to see that
If you see it, you might run
I want to keep you here
I want to keep you around for a while
So, just enjoy what I’ve let you see
I promise, I’ll only let you see the best of me
The last time I open the blinds and exposed the real me
I was left open, wide open
With unprotected, naked vulnerability
All of my glory was wide open
Or should I say all of my ugly for his eyes to see
Even though he was so sure that he could deal
His eyes couldn’t process what he perceived
So, I’ve learned not to reveal, not to undress, not to disrobe
I’ll just stay veiled
Covered from my head down to my small feet
So, enjoy the cover
Relish in the splendor of my tent
Enjoy the view of my mold
Yeah, my mold
Even though it contains the real me, it continues to stay polished, undefiled, and perfect
That’s what you want, right?
A perfect mold
A perfect picture
So, stop worrying about what’s on the inside
Just love what you can easily see
I’ve worked hard to make sure what you see is pleasing
I’ve labored and toiled to make sure that the wrapping is beautiful
So, don’t disturb the wrapping
Don’t pull the covers back
Just enjoy the view
Cause what you can see is dang good
The outside of me is confident, hot, saucy, inspired, and full of wisdom
You keep on trying to look inside of me
You gon’ mess around and accidentally see the real me
Trust me, it don’t look like nothing like what you can easily see
The real me is scared, small, frozen, full of questions, uncertainty, and doubt
The real me ain’t cute at all
So, don’t go pass the shell
Will you please stop looking at me!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
I'm so proud of him!
Randevyn, one of my best friends has recently finished his highly anticipated music project. Earlier today, I got a chance to take a listen. It was great!
I knew it would be good, being that he is a fabulous singer, an outstanding musician, deeply spiritual lyricist, and an extremely committed person. But I was still deeply impressed and moved by the quality, the beauty, and colors of his music. (And I'm not just saying that because he's my honey.)
Being the unselfish person that I am, I thought it would be a good idea to share Randevyn with you guys. I'm certain that you will love his music just as much as I do.
I don't think his second project is on the market yet. But you can get a preview of the new music at his blog.
Enjoy!!!
I knew it would be good, being that he is a fabulous singer, an outstanding musician, deeply spiritual lyricist, and an extremely committed person. But I was still deeply impressed and moved by the quality, the beauty, and colors of his music. (And I'm not just saying that because he's my honey.)
Being the unselfish person that I am, I thought it would be a good idea to share Randevyn with you guys. I'm certain that you will love his music just as much as I do.
I don't think his second project is on the market yet. But you can get a preview of the new music at his blog.
Enjoy!!!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Sunday Morning Blues (Part I.)
For all intense purposes, I am a church girl. My mother basically gave birth to me on a church pew. Some of my earliest memories include the backdrop of a church building, church furniture, church music, and/or church folks. From Sunday morning service, to choir rehearsal, to Vacation Bible School, to midnight musicals, to three o’clock services, to Sunday evening services; my mother had me there. (Somehow, my mother wasn't a Sunday School person.)
And the truth is, no matter how much we went, it didn’t bother me. Church was apart of my culture. I didn’t see it as a chore. I just saw it as a way of life. And I pretty much thought that “church” contributed to the overall happiness and balance of a person. It wasn’t until later that I changed my position on “church”, and adjusted how I would see “church” for the rest of my life.
When I was eighteen-years-old, I left my mother’s house for the second time to go off to school. But instead of going to a boarding school for the blind to complete my high school education, this time I was leaving to go to college with the sighted folks. When I got to University of North Texas, I was not emotionally prepared for what was waiting on me. It was there that I experienced the deepest, darkest depression that I had ever endured in my young life. I was so depressed that everyone else seemed to have a grasp on their life. But I seemed to be so lost, so dependent, so unsure about life and my purpose in it.
I immediately joined the gospel choir on campus. Since I had been in church all my life, I did have enough “Jesus” in me to know that I needed the Lord, especially in the time of any type of crisis. And I was certainly in a crisis.
**Stay tuned… I’ll post the rest tomorrow or later today.**
And the truth is, no matter how much we went, it didn’t bother me. Church was apart of my culture. I didn’t see it as a chore. I just saw it as a way of life. And I pretty much thought that “church” contributed to the overall happiness and balance of a person. It wasn’t until later that I changed my position on “church”, and adjusted how I would see “church” for the rest of my life.
When I was eighteen-years-old, I left my mother’s house for the second time to go off to school. But instead of going to a boarding school for the blind to complete my high school education, this time I was leaving to go to college with the sighted folks. When I got to University of North Texas, I was not emotionally prepared for what was waiting on me. It was there that I experienced the deepest, darkest depression that I had ever endured in my young life. I was so depressed that everyone else seemed to have a grasp on their life. But I seemed to be so lost, so dependent, so unsure about life and my purpose in it.
I immediately joined the gospel choir on campus. Since I had been in church all my life, I did have enough “Jesus” in me to know that I needed the Lord, especially in the time of any type of crisis. And I was certainly in a crisis.
**Stay tuned… I’ll post the rest tomorrow or later today.**
Friday, October 24, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Sarah: Your lipstick has been revoked, and I now award you a muzzle. Use it!
"We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation. This is where we find the kindness and the goodness and the courage of everyday Americans. Those who are running our factories and teaching our kids and growing our food and are fighting our wars for us. Those who are protecting us in uniform. Those who are protecting the virtues of freedom." Gov. Sarah Palin
If you don't believe me, take a listen for yourself.
Am I not a "real" American, just because I don't live in a small town?
Do I not love my country, just because I don't live in one of those pockets that the self described "hockey mom" has been visiting?
Well, let me tell you something, Mrs. Palin.
I am a proud American. And the last time I checked, my large city, Houston, is considered the fourth largest city in the United States of America. Last I checked, millions of proud Americans, who serve their country in the classrooms, in uniform on the city streets and in the battlefields of Iraq, and in the hospitals, taking care of the uninsured, also reside in Houston and many other large cities around the country. Last I checked, my father, Thurman the Plumber, who is also a proud American, lives here in Houston. And if I'm not mistaken, my mother, a retired school teacher of 25-years, also calls Houston, this massive town, home. And let me see... Oh yeah, I also live here, working hard to educate American students, as well as students who obviously think highly of the American higher education system.
How dare you, especially as a vice president candidate, question the patriotism of Americans that don't reside in a small town or what you call "the little pockets" of this country? How dare you consider small towns and "little pockets" "real America, suggesting that somehow other parts are not real"? What, do we, those of us who live in large cities, live in "fake America"? Do we not count as American?
Tell me, Sarah: Do you negate the "realness" of the larger cities because they are too colorful for you? Is that what it is? Is it too diverse for you? Are there too many people that don't look like you?
Well, I hate to inform you that when you decided to run for VP of this United States of America, you were not running to represent only the small towns and the "little pockets" of this country. Your job as VP would've been to serve all of us, even those of us that you don't think are pro American, those of us who live in these big old, colorful cities.
Sarah, let me give you some advice. Shut your pretty little mouth up and just smile for the cameras all the way until November 4th!
There is no point in you continuing to prove how anti-American "you" are.
There is no point in you continuing to show us that you really had no intentions at all in serving "all" of America.
There is no point in proving to us how you struggle with being truly patriotic when it comes to respecting and serving "all" of America.
There is no point in showing us that John McCain's selection of you as his running mate was the worst mistake that he made in this campaign.
There is no point in showing us how you really do have ethnocentric and xenophobic beliefs.
There is no point in you going down in the history books as a VP nominee that didn't mind using hate, fear, and lies to shamelessly try to salvage your losing campaign.
So, just be quiet. But then again, keep talking. Because the more you flap that lipstick painted mouth of yours, the closer we get to electing Senator Obama as POTUS. Thanks to your role in this campaign, America will finally see its first African American President of the United States.
So, on the other hand, you can have your lipstick back. A muzzle might actually help you and John McCain win the White house. And that certainly doesn't need to happen. America needs a president and vice president that cares about "all" of America, not just the parts that look like them.
If you don't believe me, take a listen for yourself.
Am I not a "real" American, just because I don't live in a small town?
Do I not love my country, just because I don't live in one of those pockets that the self described "hockey mom" has been visiting?
Well, let me tell you something, Mrs. Palin.
I am a proud American. And the last time I checked, my large city, Houston, is considered the fourth largest city in the United States of America. Last I checked, millions of proud Americans, who serve their country in the classrooms, in uniform on the city streets and in the battlefields of Iraq, and in the hospitals, taking care of the uninsured, also reside in Houston and many other large cities around the country. Last I checked, my father, Thurman the Plumber, who is also a proud American, lives here in Houston. And if I'm not mistaken, my mother, a retired school teacher of 25-years, also calls Houston, this massive town, home. And let me see... Oh yeah, I also live here, working hard to educate American students, as well as students who obviously think highly of the American higher education system.
How dare you, especially as a vice president candidate, question the patriotism of Americans that don't reside in a small town or what you call "the little pockets" of this country? How dare you consider small towns and "little pockets" "real America, suggesting that somehow other parts are not real"? What, do we, those of us who live in large cities, live in "fake America"? Do we not count as American?
Tell me, Sarah: Do you negate the "realness" of the larger cities because they are too colorful for you? Is that what it is? Is it too diverse for you? Are there too many people that don't look like you?
Well, I hate to inform you that when you decided to run for VP of this United States of America, you were not running to represent only the small towns and the "little pockets" of this country. Your job as VP would've been to serve all of us, even those of us that you don't think are pro American, those of us who live in these big old, colorful cities.
Sarah, let me give you some advice. Shut your pretty little mouth up and just smile for the cameras all the way until November 4th!
There is no point in you continuing to prove how anti-American "you" are.
There is no point in you continuing to show us that you really had no intentions at all in serving "all" of America.
There is no point in proving to us how you struggle with being truly patriotic when it comes to respecting and serving "all" of America.
There is no point in showing us that John McCain's selection of you as his running mate was the worst mistake that he made in this campaign.
There is no point in showing us how you really do have ethnocentric and xenophobic beliefs.
There is no point in you going down in the history books as a VP nominee that didn't mind using hate, fear, and lies to shamelessly try to salvage your losing campaign.
So, just be quiet. But then again, keep talking. Because the more you flap that lipstick painted mouth of yours, the closer we get to electing Senator Obama as POTUS. Thanks to your role in this campaign, America will finally see its first African American President of the United States.
So, on the other hand, you can have your lipstick back. A muzzle might actually help you and John McCain win the White house. And that certainly doesn't need to happen. America needs a president and vice president that cares about "all" of America, not just the parts that look like them.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Brown Eyes (Revisited)
When I was eight-years-old, I stared into the mirror and captured the image of my face. I looked at my lips and took note of their fullness. I looked at my nose and realized how much I really didn’t like it. It was an okay nose, but I would have picked another one from God’s inventory. I then zoned in on my cheeks. Full, but not too fat… Yep, I had a couple of my daddy’s dimples. I wished that I could somehow poke a couple more dips in my cheeks.
“Not too bad.” I shamelessly thought. I had some pretty good looking features carved into my honey brown skin. Not perfect… But I decided that I was indeed a good looking child.
I continued to stare into the face of a girl that I was becoming more familiar with as each second leaped into the past. Next, I caught a glimpse of my long, long eyelashes. I admired their beauty and reach. Those lashes extended above the image that I would zone in next, my eyes. I looked into the intense, yet innocent, brown eyes of a girl, who was unaware of the dreadful days to come. I studied the brown. It was so rich, pure, and honest. A true brown… Light enough to see the brown. Dark enough to be called brown. But in that brown sea, pain, sickness, and death stirred beneath the surface. I didn’t know it yet, but those brown eyes were the deep brown pits of despair. The brown would unleash the fury that hides behind them and life would change. The brown would fade, and the girl’s image in the mirror of herself would fade with it.
Now, the image of the brown eyes in the mirror is a memory, just as the girl’s brown eyes. But the sorrow, pain, and havoc are the reality. When I look in the mirror, I see nothing. I imagine brown eyes that are not there. But they are there. Well, at least one of them is there. And the one that I decided to let stick around is trying to pretend to be something other than brown. The remaining eye is now turning gray.
I always thought gray eyes were cool. My daddy’s gray eyes are the most beautiful that I’ve seen. But who wants to walk around with one brown eye and another eye that decides to switch it up on you and fade to gray. That is not the look I am trying to rock.
Why would my eyes betray the brown anyway? I guess they don’t know that brown is beautiful. Well, my eyes betraying the brown are the least of the backstabbing that my eyes could have done. I put blindness on the top of the list of ultimate betrayals.
“Not too bad.” I shamelessly thought. I had some pretty good looking features carved into my honey brown skin. Not perfect… But I decided that I was indeed a good looking child.
I continued to stare into the face of a girl that I was becoming more familiar with as each second leaped into the past. Next, I caught a glimpse of my long, long eyelashes. I admired their beauty and reach. Those lashes extended above the image that I would zone in next, my eyes. I looked into the intense, yet innocent, brown eyes of a girl, who was unaware of the dreadful days to come. I studied the brown. It was so rich, pure, and honest. A true brown… Light enough to see the brown. Dark enough to be called brown. But in that brown sea, pain, sickness, and death stirred beneath the surface. I didn’t know it yet, but those brown eyes were the deep brown pits of despair. The brown would unleash the fury that hides behind them and life would change. The brown would fade, and the girl’s image in the mirror of herself would fade with it.
Now, the image of the brown eyes in the mirror is a memory, just as the girl’s brown eyes. But the sorrow, pain, and havoc are the reality. When I look in the mirror, I see nothing. I imagine brown eyes that are not there. But they are there. Well, at least one of them is there. And the one that I decided to let stick around is trying to pretend to be something other than brown. The remaining eye is now turning gray.
I always thought gray eyes were cool. My daddy’s gray eyes are the most beautiful that I’ve seen. But who wants to walk around with one brown eye and another eye that decides to switch it up on you and fade to gray. That is not the look I am trying to rock.
Why would my eyes betray the brown anyway? I guess they don’t know that brown is beautiful. Well, my eyes betraying the brown are the least of the backstabbing that my eyes could have done. I put blindness on the top of the list of ultimate betrayals.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
I Feel Incredibly Blessed.
This afternoon, I, along with my friend Chad, hosted a very important event at his lovely house. I can't offer any details about the nature of the event just yet. But what I can tell you is that what we were working on at this event can change my life, as well as the lives of so many.
I have a tendency to be very anxious when I'm venturing out into new territory. And this project is definitely new waters. And to successfully accomplish what I'm trying to achieve, I don't need to just swim in these new waters, I have to walk on the water. But because of God's power, authority, and righteous provision, I expect to walk on the water without sinking.
So, I need to kick the anxiety out the door. Anxiety is a biproduct of fear. And fear sinks those who are trying to defy gravity. And I refuse to do anything but be apart of a miracle walk on this particular project.
Although I'm much closer to seeing destiny unfold as it pertains to this project, I do have a lot of work to do. But this week, next week, and every week until I see this project in its full maturity, I will putting my time, energy, and sweat into making this work out.
Soon, I will be able to talk about this project. My readers here at Nuvision will be the first folks outside of my social circles to know what great opportunity that God has opened up to me.
The purpose of writing this post was not to tease those who are reading by offering a tid bit of info. I wrote this post to encourage each and every one of you to know that God is so incredibly awesome, and He has a plan for each of our lives. I want to encourage you to tap into that passion that God has planted in you. Water it, and give it room to bloom.
I feel so thankful to God that I am in a place in my life that my passions are starting to unfold my destiny. It's truly a blessing to be walking in destiny. And I feel like I'm on that road.
Blessings,
A. Braden
I have a tendency to be very anxious when I'm venturing out into new territory. And this project is definitely new waters. And to successfully accomplish what I'm trying to achieve, I don't need to just swim in these new waters, I have to walk on the water. But because of God's power, authority, and righteous provision, I expect to walk on the water without sinking.
So, I need to kick the anxiety out the door. Anxiety is a biproduct of fear. And fear sinks those who are trying to defy gravity. And I refuse to do anything but be apart of a miracle walk on this particular project.
Although I'm much closer to seeing destiny unfold as it pertains to this project, I do have a lot of work to do. But this week, next week, and every week until I see this project in its full maturity, I will putting my time, energy, and sweat into making this work out.
Soon, I will be able to talk about this project. My readers here at Nuvision will be the first folks outside of my social circles to know what great opportunity that God has opened up to me.
The purpose of writing this post was not to tease those who are reading by offering a tid bit of info. I wrote this post to encourage each and every one of you to know that God is so incredibly awesome, and He has a plan for each of our lives. I want to encourage you to tap into that passion that God has planted in you. Water it, and give it room to bloom.
I feel so thankful to God that I am in a place in my life that my passions are starting to unfold my destiny. It's truly a blessing to be walking in destiny. And I feel like I'm on that road.
Blessings,
A. Braden
Friday, October 17, 2008
101 THINGS I WISH TO EXPERIENCE BEFORE I TAKE MY FINAL BOW (The Full List)
I started writing this list last week. On accident, I wrote 101 things instead of 100. Well, here's the final list from 1 to 101. Wish me the best in my journey to accomplish each and every goal on the list.
Blessings,
Angela
1. take care of my debt with the IRS.
2. pay-off my student loans.
3. have a breast reduction.
4. be a mortgage free home owner.
5. witness my plays performed on stage.
6. witness my plays tour the country.
7. finish writing one of my books.
8. publish one of my books.
9. relax in the arms of my soul mate.
10. share a true-love kiss with my soul mate.
11. go to Hawaii and stay at a beach-front resort.
12. set up a scholarship fund for high school students who are blind.
13. know in my heart that I trust my soul mate enough to marry him.
14. marry my soul mate without any reservations, reluctance, and fear.
15. lose myself in an incredible sexual experience withthe the man that I love and the man that loves me back.
16. take my mother on a trip of a life time.
17. buy my father a new truck or car.
18. get a doctoral degree.
19. learn how to swim.
20. have a huge salt water fish tank on display in my home.
21. visit Naigra Falls.
22. meet Oprah.
23. meet Barack Obama.
24. go somewhere for 72 hours without a cell phone and no access to e-mail.
25. see Jill Scott perform live.
26. give birth or adopt a child.
27. take Joseph and Jasmine on a plane ride to California and/or Florida to go to the beach and Disney.
28. trace my family's history on both sides back to at least slavery.
29. have a beautifully landscaped yard with flowers and even a water fountain.
30. travel to Africa.
31. experience great success with multiple plays on stage and even on screen.
32. have a million dollars of liquid assets.
33. have a personal gym in my home, equipped with all of the work-out equipment that best suits me.
34. go on a cruise somewhere beautiful and not too hot.
35. hire my own personal driver.
36. access regularly schedule maid services.
37. become a member at a church that I love and respect.
38. experience the success of being an internationally respected inspirational speaker.
39. live in the same city as Miko.
40. get my teeth completely fixed.
41. see Paula, Frances, and Kim living on their own, experiencing peace, fulfillment, and independence.
42. see Joseph, Jasmine, and Gabby go to college and graduate.
43. help Joseph, Jasmine, and Gabby pay for college related expenses.
44. waterski
45. go to each of the following cities, Chicago, New York, Miami, Seattle, Los Angeles, Washington D.C., and Vegas for a full week with the ability to spend as much money as my heart so desires.
46. visit Brazil.
47. earn a masters in professional counseling.
48. become 100% secure with who Angie is.
49. have a totally flat stomach.
50. be disciplined enough to work-out at least four times a week for the rest of my life.
51. consider healthy eating a way of life rather than diet food.
52. walk on a beach with beautiful black sand.
53. fully furnish my house with beautiful furniture and lovely accents.
54. cut my hair again.
55. jog a mile without feeling like I'm going to pass out.
56. not be so emotionally, financially, and spiritually tied to my sisters.
57. manage my stress and anxiety levels better.
58. pay all of my bills on time.
59. have a best selling book on the market.
60. spend a few hours talking with Dr. Miles Munroe
61. put on a swimsuit and feel totally comfortable.
62. buy as many bras as I want to from a regular department store.
63. stand naked in front of my lover and feel totally comfortable, at peace, and beautiful.
64. somehow get my eyes fixed. (cosmetic)
65. be the owner of a beautiful, diamond filled bracelet.
66. have access to any of the assistive technology that I think would make life easier/more functional for me.
67. get a degree in Biblical Studies.
68. be apart of an effective youth and young adult ministry at a church.
69. go on an Alaskan cruise with someone that will spare no descriptions of how beautiful the surroundings are.
70. make peace with the Gabby situation.
71. be hired as a full-time faculty member at a college or university.
72. live in a midrise or a highrise in the city. (Houston or where ever I'm living.)
73. sit on a quiet beach from sunrise to sunset with someone I love and find incredibly enjoyable. (friend and/or lover)
74. have a swimming pool with heating options in my private backyard.
75. go to a jazz festival on a beautiful island.
76. have tip-top credit.
77. get a facial.
78. get a full-body massage.
79. learn another language.
80. write a $10,000 check to the charity of my choice.
81. permanantly divorce myself from beef and pork.
82. permanantly divorce myself from all carbonated drinks, especially Coke and Mountain Dew.
83. have a beautiful patio, decked out with breathtaking furniture, flowers, and soft lighting.
84. permanantly divorce myself from fried foods.
85. spend a four-day-weekend in the mountains at a charming bed and breakfast.
86. go fishing with my daddy.
87. buy a painting from my friend, Devia.
88. open a loving, protective, beautiful home for foster kids.
89. take Jasmine and Joseph to see snow somewhere in the United States.
90. make enough money that I don't "have to" work for the rest of my life.
91. read the Bible in its entirety in one year.
92. teach at a historically black college or university.
93. prearrange the donation of my deceased body to medical science and research.
94. have a reality television show or documentary that is designed to educate individuals about disability related issues.
95. become excited about attending church again.
96. see my children graduate from college, start their own business, get married, and purchase their first home.
97. do a complete tour of the Hoovver Dam, which includes going into the underground tunnels that were blasted out with dynamite..
98. touch a glacier.
99. touch the outer walls of one of the historical pyramids in Africa.
100. skydive
101. see again. (I know you didn't think I was going to leave that out. **wink** Anything is possible. A. I believe in God. and B. Medical science is progressively magnificent.)
Blessings,
Angela
1. take care of my debt with the IRS.
2. pay-off my student loans.
3. have a breast reduction.
4. be a mortgage free home owner.
5. witness my plays performed on stage.
6. witness my plays tour the country.
7. finish writing one of my books.
8. publish one of my books.
9. relax in the arms of my soul mate.
10. share a true-love kiss with my soul mate.
11. go to Hawaii and stay at a beach-front resort.
12. set up a scholarship fund for high school students who are blind.
13. know in my heart that I trust my soul mate enough to marry him.
14. marry my soul mate without any reservations, reluctance, and fear.
15. lose myself in an incredible sexual experience withthe the man that I love and the man that loves me back.
16. take my mother on a trip of a life time.
17. buy my father a new truck or car.
18. get a doctoral degree.
19. learn how to swim.
20. have a huge salt water fish tank on display in my home.
21. visit Naigra Falls.
22. meet Oprah.
23. meet Barack Obama.
24. go somewhere for 72 hours without a cell phone and no access to e-mail.
25. see Jill Scott perform live.
26. give birth or adopt a child.
27. take Joseph and Jasmine on a plane ride to California and/or Florida to go to the beach and Disney.
28. trace my family's history on both sides back to at least slavery.
29. have a beautifully landscaped yard with flowers and even a water fountain.
30. travel to Africa.
31. experience great success with multiple plays on stage and even on screen.
32. have a million dollars of liquid assets.
33. have a personal gym in my home, equipped with all of the work-out equipment that best suits me.
34. go on a cruise somewhere beautiful and not too hot.
35. hire my own personal driver.
36. access regularly schedule maid services.
37. become a member at a church that I love and respect.
38. experience the success of being an internationally respected inspirational speaker.
39. live in the same city as Miko.
40. get my teeth completely fixed.
41. see Paula, Frances, and Kim living on their own, experiencing peace, fulfillment, and independence.
42. see Joseph, Jasmine, and Gabby go to college and graduate.
43. help Joseph, Jasmine, and Gabby pay for college related expenses.
44. waterski
45. go to each of the following cities, Chicago, New York, Miami, Seattle, Los Angeles, Washington D.C., and Vegas for a full week with the ability to spend as much money as my heart so desires.
46. visit Brazil.
47. earn a masters in professional counseling.
48. become 100% secure with who Angie is.
49. have a totally flat stomach.
50. be disciplined enough to work-out at least four times a week for the rest of my life.
51. consider healthy eating a way of life rather than diet food.
52. walk on a beach with beautiful black sand.
53. fully furnish my house with beautiful furniture and lovely accents.
54. cut my hair again.
55. jog a mile without feeling like I'm going to pass out.
56. not be so emotionally, financially, and spiritually tied to my sisters.
57. manage my stress and anxiety levels better.
58. pay all of my bills on time.
59. have a best selling book on the market.
60. spend a few hours talking with Dr. Miles Munroe
61. put on a swimsuit and feel totally comfortable.
62. buy as many bras as I want to from a regular department store.
63. stand naked in front of my lover and feel totally comfortable, at peace, and beautiful.
64. somehow get my eyes fixed. (cosmetic)
65. be the owner of a beautiful, diamond filled bracelet.
66. have access to any of the assistive technology that I think would make life easier/more functional for me.
67. get a degree in Biblical Studies.
68. be apart of an effective youth and young adult ministry at a church.
69. go on an Alaskan cruise with someone that will spare no descriptions of how beautiful the surroundings are.
70. make peace with the Gabby situation.
71. be hired as a full-time faculty member at a college or university.
72. live in a midrise or a highrise in the city. (Houston or where ever I'm living.)
73. sit on a quiet beach from sunrise to sunset with someone I love and find incredibly enjoyable. (friend and/or lover)
74. have a swimming pool with heating options in my private backyard.
75. go to a jazz festival on a beautiful island.
76. have tip-top credit.
77. get a facial.
78. get a full-body massage.
79. learn another language.
80. write a $10,000 check to the charity of my choice.
81. permanantly divorce myself from beef and pork.
82. permanantly divorce myself from all carbonated drinks, especially Coke and Mountain Dew.
83. have a beautiful patio, decked out with breathtaking furniture, flowers, and soft lighting.
84. permanantly divorce myself from fried foods.
85. spend a four-day-weekend in the mountains at a charming bed and breakfast.
86. go fishing with my daddy.
87. buy a painting from my friend, Devia.
88. open a loving, protective, beautiful home for foster kids.
89. take Jasmine and Joseph to see snow somewhere in the United States.
90. make enough money that I don't "have to" work for the rest of my life.
91. read the Bible in its entirety in one year.
92. teach at a historically black college or university.
93. prearrange the donation of my deceased body to medical science and research.
94. have a reality television show or documentary that is designed to educate individuals about disability related issues.
95. become excited about attending church again.
96. see my children graduate from college, start their own business, get married, and purchase their first home.
97. do a complete tour of the Hoovver Dam, which includes going into the underground tunnels that were blasted out with dynamite..
98. touch a glacier.
99. touch the outer walls of one of the historical pyramids in Africa.
100. skydive
101. see again. (I know you didn't think I was going to leave that out. **wink** Anything is possible. A. I believe in God. and B. Medical science is progressively magnificent.)
Tagged,
Mackdiva over at Excerpts from the Diary of a Diva left a comment on my blog, informing me that I had been tagged. Normally, the person that has been tagged would post some rules and tag six more folks. Well, since I'm clearly breaking the rules by not posting the graphic and by not tagging anyone else, I'm just not going to post the rules either. However, I will go ahead and answer the questions in the tag.
"Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours."
1. I'm guilty of not keeping my cell phones charged. So, when most folks are trying to call me on my cell phones, they most likely will have to leave a voice mail.
2. I don't like my food to touch each other, especially if one food is wetter than the other. For instance, I will be so annoyed if my toast or cornbread touched some food on my plate that had moisture in it for whatever reason.
3. If I'm feeling stressed, I like to sit in a hot tub of water. Therefore, those times of life that stress was high, I took a few baths a day.
4. I pop my knuckles. (Yes, I know that's not good. And I do it a lot less than I used to. But I still do it from time to time.)
5. For some reason, in the last year, the only way I enjoy water is if it is ice cold. I like to put my water bottles in the freezer, and let them get almost frozen. Thinking about it makes me thirsty right now.
6. I like to be barefoot. I'm not the kind of person that likes to wear shoes or socks in the house. My feet feel smuthered. And I can never ever sleep with socks on. Trying to sleep with socks on is like torture. Even if my feet are freezing, I would opt out for cold feet rather than socks. I'll just go get a blanket and cover my feet up. The blanket provides a little breathing room.
"Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours."
1. I'm guilty of not keeping my cell phones charged. So, when most folks are trying to call me on my cell phones, they most likely will have to leave a voice mail.
2. I don't like my food to touch each other, especially if one food is wetter than the other. For instance, I will be so annoyed if my toast or cornbread touched some food on my plate that had moisture in it for whatever reason.
3. If I'm feeling stressed, I like to sit in a hot tub of water. Therefore, those times of life that stress was high, I took a few baths a day.
4. I pop my knuckles. (Yes, I know that's not good. And I do it a lot less than I used to. But I still do it from time to time.)
5. For some reason, in the last year, the only way I enjoy water is if it is ice cold. I like to put my water bottles in the freezer, and let them get almost frozen. Thinking about it makes me thirsty right now.
6. I like to be barefoot. I'm not the kind of person that likes to wear shoes or socks in the house. My feet feel smuthered. And I can never ever sleep with socks on. Trying to sleep with socks on is like torture. Even if my feet are freezing, I would opt out for cold feet rather than socks. I'll just go get a blanket and cover my feet up. The blanket provides a little breathing room.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Who's the real terrorist?
I wish I had a real comment about this right now. But I don't. The grief from watching this clip has left me speechless and stunned that this level of hatred and psychological violence is still so prevalent in 2008.
Yes, I know that racism, xenophobia, and ethnocentrism exists in this country of ours. But I guess I never get used to seeing it face to face. And guess what... I never want to get used to seeing it. I never want to be comfortable or anticipate it. That way when I see it, the horrific experience pushes me to fight, to insist, to demand respect, safety, and equality for all of God's people.
A message to the racist terrorist that hide behind their Bibles and so called conservative values: You cannot stop what God has declared. The provision is already established in the land. And no amount of hatred, psychological terrorism, and demonic attacks can stop the plan of God from unfolding.
So, while you're sitting up thinking that God is on your side, I hate to inform you that you are mistaken. You are in direct opposition to God.
I pray that God spares your wicked soul. And I also pray that one day, that love of God you think you have, is finally introduced to you in the form of mercy and repentence.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
100 THINGS I WISH TO EXPERIENCE BEFORE I TAKE MY FINAL BOW (81-100)
Before taking my final breath, I would like to:
81. permanantly divorce myself from beef and pork.
82. permanantly divorce myself from all carbonated drinks, especially Coke and Mountain Dew.
83. have a beautiful patio, decked out with breathtaking furniture, flowers, and soft lighting.
84. permanantly divorce myself from fried foods.
85. spend a four-day-weekend in the mountains at a charming bed and breakfast.
86. go fishing with my daddy.
87. buy a painting from my friend, Devia.
88. open a loving, protective, beautiful home for foster kids.
89. take Jasmine and Joseph to see snow somewhere in the United States.
90. make enough money that I don't "have to" work for the rest of my life.
91. read the Bible in its entirety in one year.
92. teach at a historically black college or university.
93. prearrange the donation of my deceased body to medical science and research.
94. have a reality television show or documentary that is designed to educate individuals about disability related issues.
95. become excited about attending church again.
96. see my children graduate from college, start their own business, get married, and purchase their first home.
97. do a complete tour of the Hoovver Dam, which includes going into the underground tunnels that were blasted out with dynamite..
98. touch a glacier.
99. touch the outer walls of one of the historical pyramids in Africa.
100. see again. (I know you didn't think I was going to leave that out. **wink** Anything is possible. A. I believe in God. and B. Medical science is progressively magnificent.)
Okay, I'm finished. I think I'm going to paste the entire list, from 1 to 100, in one single post.
Love,
Angie
81. permanantly divorce myself from beef and pork.
82. permanantly divorce myself from all carbonated drinks, especially Coke and Mountain Dew.
83. have a beautiful patio, decked out with breathtaking furniture, flowers, and soft lighting.
84. permanantly divorce myself from fried foods.
85. spend a four-day-weekend in the mountains at a charming bed and breakfast.
86. go fishing with my daddy.
87. buy a painting from my friend, Devia.
88. open a loving, protective, beautiful home for foster kids.
89. take Jasmine and Joseph to see snow somewhere in the United States.
90. make enough money that I don't "have to" work for the rest of my life.
91. read the Bible in its entirety in one year.
92. teach at a historically black college or university.
93. prearrange the donation of my deceased body to medical science and research.
94. have a reality television show or documentary that is designed to educate individuals about disability related issues.
95. become excited about attending church again.
96. see my children graduate from college, start their own business, get married, and purchase their first home.
97. do a complete tour of the Hoovver Dam, which includes going into the underground tunnels that were blasted out with dynamite..
98. touch a glacier.
99. touch the outer walls of one of the historical pyramids in Africa.
100. see again. (I know you didn't think I was going to leave that out. **wink** Anything is possible. A. I believe in God. and B. Medical science is progressively magnificent.)
Okay, I'm finished. I think I'm going to paste the entire list, from 1 to 100, in one single post.
Love,
Angie
100 THINGS I WISH TO EXPERIENCE BEFORE I TAKE MY FINAL BOW (61-80)
Before I take my final breath, I would like to:
61. put on a swimsuit and feel totally comfortable.
62. buy as many bras as I want to from a regular department store.
63. stand naked in front of my lover and feel totally comfortable, at peace, and beautiful.
64. somehow get my eyes fixed. (cosmetic)
65. be the owner of a beautiful, diamond filled bracelet.
66. have access to any of the assistive technology that I think would make life easier/more functional for me.
67. get a degree in Biblical Studies.
68. be apart of an effective youth and young adult ministry at a church.
69. go on an Alaskan cruise with someone that will spare no descriptions of how beautiful the surroundings are.
70. make peace with the Gabby situation.
71. be hired as a full-time faculty member at a college or university.
72. live in a midrise or a highrise in the city. (Houston or where ever I'm living.)
73. sit on a quiet beach from sunrise to sunset with someone I love and find incredibly enjoyable. (friend and/or lover)
74. have a swimming pool with heating options in my private backyard.
75. go to a jazz festival on a beautiful island.
76. have tip-top credit.
77. get a facial.
78. get a full-body massage.
79. learn another language.
80. write a $10,000 check to the charity of my choice.
61. put on a swimsuit and feel totally comfortable.
62. buy as many bras as I want to from a regular department store.
63. stand naked in front of my lover and feel totally comfortable, at peace, and beautiful.
64. somehow get my eyes fixed. (cosmetic)
65. be the owner of a beautiful, diamond filled bracelet.
66. have access to any of the assistive technology that I think would make life easier/more functional for me.
67. get a degree in Biblical Studies.
68. be apart of an effective youth and young adult ministry at a church.
69. go on an Alaskan cruise with someone that will spare no descriptions of how beautiful the surroundings are.
70. make peace with the Gabby situation.
71. be hired as a full-time faculty member at a college or university.
72. live in a midrise or a highrise in the city. (Houston or where ever I'm living.)
73. sit on a quiet beach from sunrise to sunset with someone I love and find incredibly enjoyable. (friend and/or lover)
74. have a swimming pool with heating options in my private backyard.
75. go to a jazz festival on a beautiful island.
76. have tip-top credit.
77. get a facial.
78. get a full-body massage.
79. learn another language.
80. write a $10,000 check to the charity of my choice.
Monday, October 13, 2008
100 THINGS I WISH TO EXPERIENCE BEFORE I TAKE MY FINAL BOW (41-60)
Before taking my final breath, I would like to:
41. see Paula, Frances, and Kim living on their own, experiencing peace, fulfillment, and independence.
42. see Joseph, Jasmine, and Gabby go to college and graduate.
43. help Joseph, Jasmine, and Gabby pay for college related expenses.
44. skydive.
45. waterski
45. go to each of the following cities, Chicago, New York, Miami, Seattle, Los Angeles, Washington D.C., and Vegas for a full week with the ability to spend as much money as my heart so desires.
46. visit Brazil.
47. earn a masters in professional counseling.
48. become 100% secure with who Angie is.
49. have a totally flat stomach.
50. be disciplined enough to work-out at least four times a week for the rest of my life.
51. consider healthy eating a way of life rather than diet food.
52. walk on a beach with beautiful black sand.
53. fully furnish my house with beautiful furniture and lovely accents.
54. cut my hair again.
55. jog a mile without feeling like I'm going to pass out.
56. not be so emotionally, financially, and spiritually tied to my sisters.
57. manage my stress and anxiety levels better.
58. pay all of my bills on time.
59. have a best selling book on the market.
60. spend a few hours talking with Dr. Miles Munroe
41. see Paula, Frances, and Kim living on their own, experiencing peace, fulfillment, and independence.
42. see Joseph, Jasmine, and Gabby go to college and graduate.
43. help Joseph, Jasmine, and Gabby pay for college related expenses.
44. skydive.
45. waterski
45. go to each of the following cities, Chicago, New York, Miami, Seattle, Los Angeles, Washington D.C., and Vegas for a full week with the ability to spend as much money as my heart so desires.
46. visit Brazil.
47. earn a masters in professional counseling.
48. become 100% secure with who Angie is.
49. have a totally flat stomach.
50. be disciplined enough to work-out at least four times a week for the rest of my life.
51. consider healthy eating a way of life rather than diet food.
52. walk on a beach with beautiful black sand.
53. fully furnish my house with beautiful furniture and lovely accents.
54. cut my hair again.
55. jog a mile without feeling like I'm going to pass out.
56. not be so emotionally, financially, and spiritually tied to my sisters.
57. manage my stress and anxiety levels better.
58. pay all of my bills on time.
59. have a best selling book on the market.
60. spend a few hours talking with Dr. Miles Munroe
Sunday, October 12, 2008
100 THINGS I WISH TO EXPERIENCE BEFORE I TAKE MY FINAL BOW (21-40)
Before taking my final breath, I would like to:
21. visit Naigra Falls.
22. meet Oprah.
23. meet Barack Obama.
24. go somewhere for 72 hours without a cell phone and no access to e-mail.
25. see Jill Scott perform live.
26. give birth or adopt a child.
27. take Joseph and Jasmine on a plane ride to California and/or Florida to go to the beach and Disney.
28. trace my family's history on both sides back to at least slavery.
29. have a beautifully landscaped yard with flowers and even a water fountain.
30. travel to Africa.
31. experience great success with multiple plays on stage and even on screen.
32. have a million dollars of liquid assets.
33. have a personal gym in my home, equipped with all of the work-out equipment that best suits me.
34. go on a cruise somewhere beautiful and not too hot.
35. hire my own personal driver.
36. access regularly schedule maid services.
37. become a member at a church that I love and respect.
38. experience the success of being an internationally respected inspirational speaker.
39. live in the same city as Miko.
40. get my teeth completely fixed.
21. visit Naigra Falls.
22. meet Oprah.
23. meet Barack Obama.
24. go somewhere for 72 hours without a cell phone and no access to e-mail.
25. see Jill Scott perform live.
26. give birth or adopt a child.
27. take Joseph and Jasmine on a plane ride to California and/or Florida to go to the beach and Disney.
28. trace my family's history on both sides back to at least slavery.
29. have a beautifully landscaped yard with flowers and even a water fountain.
30. travel to Africa.
31. experience great success with multiple plays on stage and even on screen.
32. have a million dollars of liquid assets.
33. have a personal gym in my home, equipped with all of the work-out equipment that best suits me.
34. go on a cruise somewhere beautiful and not too hot.
35. hire my own personal driver.
36. access regularly schedule maid services.
37. become a member at a church that I love and respect.
38. experience the success of being an internationally respected inspirational speaker.
39. live in the same city as Miko.
40. get my teeth completely fixed.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
100 THINGS I WISH TO EXPERIENCE BEFORE I TAKE MY FINAL BOW
I've always wanted to compile a list of the things that I hope to experience before I check out of this thing we call life. And today, after having a chit chat with my friend, Randy, I have decided to go ahead and start formulating my must-do-before-dying list.
So, for the next five days, I'm going to post a list of twenty things that I would like to do while I am still in the land of the living.
Why am I creating this list?
So that I can have a real idea, a plan, a goal of things that I will definitely work towards. And as I accomplish one of the things on the list, I will scratch it off. And guess what... As I discover new things that I wish to experience, I will continue to add to the list.
But for now, I'm writing my first 100 things. And you will get a chance to be the first folks to know what my intentions are. So, enjoy!
By the way, these are not written in any particular order.
Before taking my last breath, I would like to:
1. take care of my debt with the IRS.
2. pay-off my student loans.
3. have a breast reduction.
4. be a mortgage free home owner.
5. witness my plays performed on stage.
6. witness my plays tour the country.
7. finish writing one of my books.
8. publish one of my books.
9. relax in the arms of my soul mate.
10. share a true-love kiss with my soul mate.
11. go to Hawaii and stay at a beach-front resort.
12. set up a scholarship fund for high school students who are blind.
13. know in my heart that I trust my soul mate enough to marry him.
14. marry my soul mate without any reservations, reluctance, and fear.
15. lose myself in an incredible sexual experience withthe the man that I love and the man that loves me back.
16. take my mother on a trip of a life time.
17. buy my father a new truck or car.
18. get a doctoral degree.
19. learn how to swim.
20. have a huge salt water fish tank on display in my home.
So, for the next five days, I'm going to post a list of twenty things that I would like to do while I am still in the land of the living.
Why am I creating this list?
So that I can have a real idea, a plan, a goal of things that I will definitely work towards. And as I accomplish one of the things on the list, I will scratch it off. And guess what... As I discover new things that I wish to experience, I will continue to add to the list.
But for now, I'm writing my first 100 things. And you will get a chance to be the first folks to know what my intentions are. So, enjoy!
By the way, these are not written in any particular order.
Before taking my last breath, I would like to:
1. take care of my debt with the IRS.
2. pay-off my student loans.
3. have a breast reduction.
4. be a mortgage free home owner.
5. witness my plays performed on stage.
6. witness my plays tour the country.
7. finish writing one of my books.
8. publish one of my books.
9. relax in the arms of my soul mate.
10. share a true-love kiss with my soul mate.
11. go to Hawaii and stay at a beach-front resort.
12. set up a scholarship fund for high school students who are blind.
13. know in my heart that I trust my soul mate enough to marry him.
14. marry my soul mate without any reservations, reluctance, and fear.
15. lose myself in an incredible sexual experience withthe the man that I love and the man that loves me back.
16. take my mother on a trip of a life time.
17. buy my father a new truck or car.
18. get a doctoral degree.
19. learn how to swim.
20. have a huge salt water fish tank on display in my home.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Okay... I did one more quiz. Yes, I know that it's not like me to post these here. But it's cool!
You Are Balanced - Realist - Empowered |
You feel your life is controlled both externally and internally. You have a good sense of what you can control and what you should let go. Depending on the situation, you sometimes try to exert more control. Other times, you accept things for what they are and go with the flow. You are a realist when it comes to luck. You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random. You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you... But you do your best to try to make your own luck. You have a good deal of power, but you also know the pecking order. You realize that working the system does get you further. You know who to defer to and who to control. When it comes to the game of life, you play things flawlessly. |
At Least Eight Reasons Why Ending Life is not an Option for Angie
1. Although I think that the depression gene is indeed apart of my DNA, one thing I am totally sure of is that "quitting" is not apart of my genetic, emotional, or spiritual blueprint. As much as I contemplate a mindless dive into the abyss of an unsure eternity, the truth is that I would never, never commit suicide. As much as it hurts me to live each day of this life of mine, I will continue to live the life, taking a breath every chance I get, and always hoping that each breath I take will lead me to a greater and more extraordinary opportunity.
2. Because there are some pretty important folks depending on me to live. Who are these folks? My mother, my father, my sisters (all three of them), and my friends: Miko, Alicia, Heather, Randy, Chad, Devia, Brian, and Phyllis. All of these people need me. And I certainly need them. We have this little pact called friendship. And friends don’t check out sooner than they are supposed to.
3. There are some people that I want to give a great deal to before I die. (Like who?) Jasmine, Gabby, and Joseph deserve to get all that I can give them. Each of them provide me with the boost that I need to keep living, to keep fighting, to keep building, to keep wishing, to keep believing, to keep insisting. I love them for that. I love them just because.
And if my second nephew was here, he would be the fourth person that I would insist on living to give to. But he, in his short time here with us on Earth, gave to me, most likely more than I would've ever given to him. Thank you Braden for your gift to me. (One day, I'll explain.)
4. I would disappoint so many that truly believe in me. I know that B.J. would be so deeply disappointed. And so many others in my circle of loved ones would be devastated if I took that suicidal path. I can’t disappoint them like that. I love them too much to do that.
5. I can't give up because I can't have that shame around me. My pride or whatever it is won't allow me to fail in the face of others. Just can't do it... Won't do it... I'm not a loser. And I certainly don't showcase and put my failures on display.
(This is why my battle with obesity has been such an issue for me. I hate for my failures to be so damn evident to others. But I'll blog on that another time as well. In fact, I'll tackle the subject of weight in the next 48 hours.)
6. I insist on holding on, fighting, living because I truly believe in God. I promise you that if I didn't believe in God, I would be out of here. God is truly the reason why I have the courage to rise from my tears to face the dark clouds of life. I believe that God, in all of his love and grace, has created the provision that I need to continue on this journey of life, and to continue with the certainty that my destination is victory. (That's enough right there to make me want to shout "Hallelujah!")
7. And like Mary Mary said, "I just can't give up now. I've come too far from where I started from." Yes, I know that lyric derived from the James Cleveland classic, "I don't feel no ways tired." But since I sho'nuff feel tired, that song really doesn't speak for me. But Tina and Erica put it down for a sistah named, Angie. Ain't no way that I'm going to give up after all the crap, the trials, the tears, the bloodshed, the battles that I had to endure. Trust me, you don't go through what I've been through to give up in the middle. Hell no!
8. And lastly, I cannot give up because I truly believe that I was brought here to this planet to make a true and definite impact. And the interesting thing is that this hardship of mine, this disability that gets on my nerves so much, is what I believe is the very thing that equips me with what I need to make that impact.
**Oh, I have one more reason. Because I need to see Senator Obama and Michelle in the White House. Obama 08-16!**
"I shall pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."
- Mahatma Gandhi
2. Because there are some pretty important folks depending on me to live. Who are these folks? My mother, my father, my sisters (all three of them), and my friends: Miko, Alicia, Heather, Randy, Chad, Devia, Brian, and Phyllis. All of these people need me. And I certainly need them. We have this little pact called friendship. And friends don’t check out sooner than they are supposed to.
3. There are some people that I want to give a great deal to before I die. (Like who?) Jasmine, Gabby, and Joseph deserve to get all that I can give them. Each of them provide me with the boost that I need to keep living, to keep fighting, to keep building, to keep wishing, to keep believing, to keep insisting. I love them for that. I love them just because.
And if my second nephew was here, he would be the fourth person that I would insist on living to give to. But he, in his short time here with us on Earth, gave to me, most likely more than I would've ever given to him. Thank you Braden for your gift to me. (One day, I'll explain.)
4. I would disappoint so many that truly believe in me. I know that B.J. would be so deeply disappointed. And so many others in my circle of loved ones would be devastated if I took that suicidal path. I can’t disappoint them like that. I love them too much to do that.
5. I can't give up because I can't have that shame around me. My pride or whatever it is won't allow me to fail in the face of others. Just can't do it... Won't do it... I'm not a loser. And I certainly don't showcase and put my failures on display.
(This is why my battle with obesity has been such an issue for me. I hate for my failures to be so damn evident to others. But I'll blog on that another time as well. In fact, I'll tackle the subject of weight in the next 48 hours.)
6. I insist on holding on, fighting, living because I truly believe in God. I promise you that if I didn't believe in God, I would be out of here. God is truly the reason why I have the courage to rise from my tears to face the dark clouds of life. I believe that God, in all of his love and grace, has created the provision that I need to continue on this journey of life, and to continue with the certainty that my destination is victory. (That's enough right there to make me want to shout "Hallelujah!")
7. And like Mary Mary said, "I just can't give up now. I've come too far from where I started from." Yes, I know that lyric derived from the James Cleveland classic, "I don't feel no ways tired." But since I sho'nuff feel tired, that song really doesn't speak for me. But Tina and Erica put it down for a sistah named, Angie. Ain't no way that I'm going to give up after all the crap, the trials, the tears, the bloodshed, the battles that I had to endure. Trust me, you don't go through what I've been through to give up in the middle. Hell no!
8. And lastly, I cannot give up because I truly believe that I was brought here to this planet to make a true and definite impact. And the interesting thing is that this hardship of mine, this disability that gets on my nerves so much, is what I believe is the very thing that equips me with what I need to make that impact.
**Oh, I have one more reason. Because I need to see Senator Obama and Michelle in the White House. Obama 08-16!**
"I shall pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."
- Mahatma Gandhi
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Here's a little something that you should read.
I have a lot that I want and need to say about the recent weeks of the presidential election. But tonight, I really have to place some energy and time doing some preparation for my classes tomorrow. But tomorrow, after I get back home, I'm going to let it all hang out. Be sure to come back and check it out.
But in the meantime, you should really check out
this article I grabbed over at the Huff Post, entitled "Silence in the Face of Hates Makes McCain and Palin Unfit to Lead". After reading it, come back here and comment if you would like. Let me know what you think.
Tomorrow, I'll share my thoughts on the content of this article and a lot more. Until then, be blessed.
Peace and blessings,
Angie Braden
Obama2008 - 2016
But in the meantime, you should really check out
this article I grabbed over at the Huff Post, entitled "Silence in the Face of Hates Makes McCain and Palin Unfit to Lead". After reading it, come back here and comment if you would like. Let me know what you think.
Tomorrow, I'll share my thoughts on the content of this article and a lot more. Until then, be blessed.
Peace and blessings,
Angie Braden
Obama2008 - 2016
Sunday, October 05, 2008
You teach regular people?
I had every intention in the world to write about this a couple of months ago when the question was first posed to me. But somehow, I kind of forgot about it. However, I was reminded of the question when my nephew, Joseph, asked me this weekend. So, I thought I should certainly write about it at this point.
A few months ago, my father was bragging to my uncle, letting him know that his daughter was now an instructor at a college. I guess the news stunned my uncle for more reasons than one. Uncle John quickly responded to the news with a question that I'm sure was sincere, but nevertheless still birthed by ignorance. Here's how the conversation went.
Uncle John: You teach at a college?
Angie: Yes...
Uncle John: You're teaching blind folks at the college?
Angie: So far, I haven't had a blind student. I teach whoever enrolls in my class. And up to this point, all of them have been able to see.
Uncle John: What, you teach regular people?
Angie: Regular people?
Uncle John: Yeah... You teach folks that can see? How do you do that?
Angie: Well, since I'm not teaching them how to see, I don't think I'm going to have a problem with teaching them.
Uncle John: I'm serious. How can a blind person teach folks that can see?
Now, don't get it twisted. My uncle is one of my biggest fans. And he and I have a cool enough relationship that he feels comfortable telling me exactly what's on his mind. So, I wasn't the least bit offended. I finished our conversation by offering him up a quick lesson on how a blind person is "capable" of teaching sighted folks in a classroom setting.
Although I wasn't offended, it struck me that my uncle was probably not the only person that would be wondering how a blind person was "capable" of teaching sighted folks anything. I can only imagine the number of people that have that question bouncing around the walls of their mind, but are too afraid to ask me.
The only other person that had the nerve to ask me about the "way I teach sighted folks" is my darling nephew, Joseph. This weekend, I was explaining to him that I am a teacher. I told him that I teach grown-ups at the college. Well, Joseph, being exactly who he is, asked basically the same question as Uncle John.
"You teach folks that can see? How do you do that?"
I was kind of shocked that Joseph asked. But he and I have the same kind of relationship that me and my uncle have. If Joseph wants to know something, he just asks me.
So, why did his question shock me, you might ask. Well, because Joseph has never spoke about my blindness in a way to distinguish my abilities from his other sighted family members. I guess Joseph, who is about to turn seven in a few days, is now starting to understand what blindness means and how it truly impacts his auntie's life.
I explained to Joseph that I use my computer to help me teach. Since he knows that my computer has speech on it, he understood how my personal computer equipment could help me get around some barriers. He then asked me, how do I check their work. I told him that I get someone to help me do the things that I just "cannot" do by myself. That seemed to fulfill his need for info about me and my ability to teach "regular people".
In the coming days, I'm going to write a post that discusses how my students, those "regular people", respond to having a "irregular teacher".
**Note to the reader: Please know that I am completely clear that those that do not have a physical and/or mental disability are the least bit "regular". And I also know that people who are indeed disabled are as regular as you can get.**
A few months ago, my father was bragging to my uncle, letting him know that his daughter was now an instructor at a college. I guess the news stunned my uncle for more reasons than one. Uncle John quickly responded to the news with a question that I'm sure was sincere, but nevertheless still birthed by ignorance. Here's how the conversation went.
Uncle John: You teach at a college?
Angie: Yes...
Uncle John: You're teaching blind folks at the college?
Angie: So far, I haven't had a blind student. I teach whoever enrolls in my class. And up to this point, all of them have been able to see.
Uncle John: What, you teach regular people?
Angie: Regular people?
Uncle John: Yeah... You teach folks that can see? How do you do that?
Angie: Well, since I'm not teaching them how to see, I don't think I'm going to have a problem with teaching them.
Uncle John: I'm serious. How can a blind person teach folks that can see?
Now, don't get it twisted. My uncle is one of my biggest fans. And he and I have a cool enough relationship that he feels comfortable telling me exactly what's on his mind. So, I wasn't the least bit offended. I finished our conversation by offering him up a quick lesson on how a blind person is "capable" of teaching sighted folks in a classroom setting.
Although I wasn't offended, it struck me that my uncle was probably not the only person that would be wondering how a blind person was "capable" of teaching sighted folks anything. I can only imagine the number of people that have that question bouncing around the walls of their mind, but are too afraid to ask me.
The only other person that had the nerve to ask me about the "way I teach sighted folks" is my darling nephew, Joseph. This weekend, I was explaining to him that I am a teacher. I told him that I teach grown-ups at the college. Well, Joseph, being exactly who he is, asked basically the same question as Uncle John.
"You teach folks that can see? How do you do that?"
I was kind of shocked that Joseph asked. But he and I have the same kind of relationship that me and my uncle have. If Joseph wants to know something, he just asks me.
So, why did his question shock me, you might ask. Well, because Joseph has never spoke about my blindness in a way to distinguish my abilities from his other sighted family members. I guess Joseph, who is about to turn seven in a few days, is now starting to understand what blindness means and how it truly impacts his auntie's life.
I explained to Joseph that I use my computer to help me teach. Since he knows that my computer has speech on it, he understood how my personal computer equipment could help me get around some barriers. He then asked me, how do I check their work. I told him that I get someone to help me do the things that I just "cannot" do by myself. That seemed to fulfill his need for info about me and my ability to teach "regular people".
In the coming days, I'm going to write a post that discusses how my students, those "regular people", respond to having a "irregular teacher".
**Note to the reader: Please know that I am completely clear that those that do not have a physical and/or mental disability are the least bit "regular". And I also know that people who are indeed disabled are as regular as you can get.**
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
What number are you? I was the number 5.
I grabbed this over at , one of the best personal bloggers out here on the blogosphere. Normally, I never do surveys. But this time I did. And it was pretty darn accurate. Check it out. Let me know what your number is.
You Are 5: The Investigator |
 You're independent - and a logical analytical thinker. You love learning and ideas... and know things no one else does. Bored by small talk, you refuse to participate in boring conversations. You are open minded. A visionary. You understand the world and may change it. At Your Best: You are sharp, inventive, and creative. You have the skills to lead the world. At Your Worst: You are reclusive, weird, and a bit paranoid. Your Fixation: Greed Your Primary Fear: Being useless or incompetent Your Primary Desire: Being competent and needed Other Number 5's: Bill Gates, John Lennon, Kurt Cobain, Bjork, and Stephen Hawking. |
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