Friday, October 26, 2007

After the Tears Dried

The other day, I broke down in tears at my desk, which is a big no no in my book. And then I followed up with the tears by posting a blog entry, confessing to the whole wide world that I had a crybaby moment. That's also another big no no in my book.

Well, I made up my mind that as soon as I got access to my computer again, I was going to snatch the post down. I said that I couldn't risk people seeing that I was that upset. I was also thinking that it is not good for potential clients to see that the "motivational speaker" was not feeling so motivated.

Well, after thinking about this thing long and hard, I've decided to keep the post up on my blog. I am learning that fear, pain, disappointment, sorrow are all real emotions, and often essential emotions to help us remember that we are human. Sometimes when you are so used to having on your Wonder Woman or Super Man gear, you forget that there is a real person, with needs, fractures, and the ability to tire. I guess I needed that reminder.

Another reason why I left the post up is because I wanted everyone that could have ever wondered to know that life ain't by no means easy. It is a fact of life that trials and hardship will certainly come to visit you. Will it get you down? Probably... But here's what you can't do... Let it keep you down.

The other day, I was feeling rather low. And guess what... That was cool for that moment and that moment alone.

After I had my low moment, I had to get it together, shake the dust off my head, and stand up to the so called giant that was standing in front of me. I had to tell myself that I am strong enough to battle anything that comes at me.

How do I know I'm strong enough to tackle my giants? Because I have in the past.

I've survived:
The loss of all of my sight
17 surgeries
Growing up in a divorced family
Suicide of my treating physician
Death of my grandparents
A suicide attempt when I was 12-years-old
Suicidal ideation until I was 24-years-old
Being torn away from my family to live in another city when I was a teen
Overt and covert racism
Past obesity
A broken heart
Being broke as a bad joke
3 house fires in 6 months
My mother's 2 massive strokes
The disabling effects of my mother's massive strokes
The removal of my left eye (A major confession that I have chosen not to talk about on my blog. But I've decided that I will. in the next month.)
Seeing someone I love get caught up in the criminal justice system
Internal bleeding
Losing the house we loved
Losing my job
Sexual harassment
5 long, crazy years at University of North Texas, earning my BA
3 inconvenient years at Texas Southern, earning my MA
A couple of years of not believing that God existed

And when I tell you that is only mentioning a few of the giants I had to pop in the forehead over the years.

So, when I say I'm a survivor, I truly am. There is no reason at all why I should think that I can't make it past this stuff I'm going through. The proof that I got the goods to make it is the fact that I'm still here. I've been a survivor in the past. And I sho' ain't stopping that trend now. If anything, I'm getting ready to overcome more stuff than I ever have before.

To anyone that runs across this blog entry and you are wondering in the back of your head if you can make it, take it from me, you can. Tap into the strength that comes from God. He put it in you to use. So, use it. Use that strength to survive.

Much love,

Angela Braden
The Survivor

2 comments:

Ensayn1 said...

Most powerful words Angie, and I know many people will take this as medicine. I pray they do. Often we lay in our sorrows without ever knowing who we are. For me, its Psalms 82-6.

Peace & Guidance

Angie said...

Hey Ensayn: What's happening, my brotha. Thanks for hitting me up and thanks for the kind words.

I don't know the scripture you referenced. I'm getting ready to go to the Bible reference guide that's on the net and look it up. (www.searchgodsword.org) FYI, it's a great resource.

Peace out,

A