What should my response be?

One of my closest friends commented on the picture that's posted here on my blog. He told me that he felt that it was time for a new pic. I asked him why did he think so. He told me that he didn't like my lipstick and my hair. He said that I definitely have a better look.

Well, I didn't quite know what to say. It's not like I can disagree or agree with him. I have nothing to compare it to. I haven't seen myself in a mirror or on a picture since I was a teenager. And that image was blurry then...

Hell, the truth is that I don't know if I look awful in the picture. I don't know if I look awful in real life, for that matter.

The truth is that I'm never comfortable with pictures. There is no picture that is good enough for me. And I think it has everything to do with me not being able to approve the picture myself.

While my friend is a tough critic, I know that I would be tougher than him. I know that I would never put a picture out there for the world to see that doesn't capture the best of who I am. And the sad reality is that I don't know if the picture I have posted would meet my approval.

Another reason why I hate taking pictures is because I can't look directly at the camera. I often wonder if my eyes are looking "blind". And while I'm trying to get to a place that being blind is okay with me, I'm still not comfortable with "looking" blind. I want to look as "normal" as possible.

One more reason why I hate taking pictures is because of my lack of symmetry. A few years ago, my eyes started acting a bigger fool than they had already had before. Not only was I blind, my eyes decided to take a dive in the shape and color department.

Because of years of Glaucoma, surgeries, and strained eye muscles, my left eye doesn't open as wide as the right eye. And that burns me up. I hate that so much! And I have tried and tried to get it fixed. But so far, I've had no success. So, I just swoop my hair in my face to hide it.

As you can see from the pic here, I have my hair out of my face. And that's because the photographer begged me to pull my hair back so that he could capture my naked face. I don't know if that was a good idea or not. Because in real life, my hair is always in my face... Does it hide what I'm trying to hide? Not sure... But it's a security blanket now.

And the color of my eyes is a mess now. My cornea is swollen. So, my eye color in the left eye is fading to gray. Aint that a mess? One brown eye and one gray eye? I feel like Frankenstein's sister sometimes.

I don't think too many people notice it. But it still bothers me. And it's another issue that I haven't been able to correct just yet.

And no, I'm not going to start wearing any glasses. So, don't suggest the Stevie Wonder-Ray Charles shades. That ain't me.

In all seriousness, I realize that I have to get to a place that I learn to love me, even the parts of me that are broken, fractured, and imperfect. I have to love what I can't see. I have to love all of me.

**Lord, help me to one day be comfortable with who you designed me to be. For I know that I was made in your image. So, the outer me, the shell does not matter. Because it doesn't reflect your workmanship anyway.**

Angie B.