I used to shutter at the idea of dying. I hated that the only guarantee of life was that we, all of us, including myself, would one day have to die. However, as I've matured, and as I better understand what it means to live and live free, I am certain that I don't want to live forever.
As we live, we are surely dying slowly. Our brain cells are dying. Our bones are thinning. Our heart is growing more tired. Our veins are stiffening. Our senses are fading. And as all of those natural body changes are occurring, disabilities, illnesses, and impairments are sure to come.
Tonight, I told my friend to make sure that they respected my DNR if I was to suffer cardiac arrest or a stroke that clearly damaged my brain. I told them that living with one disability has been hard enough these 25 years, even though I've learned to live, love, and laugh, despite my disability. But the idea of adding to my disabilities as an lonely, sick, elderly woman would certainly be more than I desire to live with. **Just keeping it real.**
I asked her to understand that I didn't want to be a burden on anyone. And since I am not married, and I do not have any children, I would certainly become the responsibility of some family member or friend that would soon grow weary of taking care of me. I am sure I would be placed in some government funded nursing home, fully staffed with rude, lazy, badly trained workers, with no one to come and make sure that I am being cared for properly.
So, to get to my point... I do not want to live forever, especially if my body has already died.
Instead of crying over my lifeless body, trying to figure out if you should pull the plug or not, let me go ahead and get to heaven so that I can find that tree I've been hearing about since I was akid. I got a leaf to pluck in glory!!!!!! LOL
Angela Braden
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