My Random thoughts

As many of you know, I post my random thoughts about very specific things from time to time. Well, I'm inspired to open the window of my head and let you guys see what I'm thinking.

1. This morning, I'm sitting on the floor in my upstairs den, listening to the silence that hardly ever occurs at my house. It seems that the only time it is quiet around here is when the residents are sleep. And even then, I doubt if they are quiet. I'm sure that their dreams are filled with the noise and unrest they fill my house with when they are awake. I will be so glad when I can live alone again. I will be able to control the thermostat, the on and off button on the televisions, turn the ringers off on the phones when the spirit hits me, and walk around the house with or without clothes.
Am I a control freak? Perhaps... When it comes to the place I call home, I like to control certain aspects of it. Failure to control the noise level and conflicts makes me nervous. This is why I need to live alone or with someone that matches my temperament.

2. Last month, my aunt died. I cannot believe she's gone. Although she and I had what many, including myself, would call a terrible relationship, I will admit that I'm sad she's gone. Contrary to what she and perhaps others believed, I did love her. I didn't agree with how she did certain things, but I understood how she got to be and act the way she did. Again, I hate that she's gone.
I wish she was still here, enjoying the many hours of christian television she would watch daily. I wish she was still here to enjoy the warm colors she painted on the interior of her house earlier this year. I wish she was still here to go to church and enjoy her pastor and the church family. I wish she was still here to see my nephew and nieces grow up. I wish she was still here to watch Sunday's Best while she's on the phone with my mother.
In a few hours, I will be going to the house where my aunt lived to continue the process to clean it out. Each time I go, I am met with the sadness of knowing that with the exception of my mother, all of the residents of that house, are now gone; my grandparents and three of their daughters. My mother is the only one left. emptying the house seems like a betrayal to the memory of my family. and it is also a reminder that one day, and perhaps one day soon, my mother will join her parents and sisters.
Well, I guess I better stop with this random thought. It's making me quite sad.

3. I honestly desire to blog more, but much of what I would like to say is not what I would really like people to know. I guess I need to keep a private journal. Getting my thoughts outside of my head is quite therapeutic. However, sharing these thoughts with people that actually know me is outright crazy at best. I do need to find an outlet to unload. Perhaps one day, I'll be bold and put some of my "real" business out here for you guys to read. You know... It's like this... Even though I've been blogging here on NuVision for a NuDay for seven years, I'm quite careful what I put out here. I don't want my words to come back and strangle me in the future. So, many times, when I feel inspired to run to my blog and unleash, I hold back. this is the reason why my blogging has become less and less over the years.

4. I'm running a demo version of JAWS. It cuts off every 40 minutes. This is really getting on my nerves. It slows my progress down. I got to figure out a way to purchase the upgrade of JAWS. I'll let you guys know when that happens. My demo version is about to cut off now. **sighing**

5. I think I'm going to post again this week. Be on the lookout.
Love,
AB