As unfortunate as it may seem, I’m quite familiar with stressful situations. Every since I was a small child, I’ve been confronted with relationships and circumstances that produce stress and anxiety. Honestly, I’ve learned to manage the stress; and perhaps I’ve learned to live, work, and have fun with stress being the constant backdrop. However, in the recent weeks, my stressometer has been turned up. And boy, oh boy… The stress had started to take a toll on me!
I can feel the stress in my body. My back has been hurting lately. And when I do sleep, it's not a peaceful sleep. I just sleep because I can't go any further.
My diet is wacked out. I'm dehydrated. I'm not working out. And I'm picking up weight at a speed that is depressing in itself.
What's got me so stressed out? Well, the usual. But there has been a little extra in the recent months that has left me exhausted.
For instance, my mother has been in the hospital for 29 days. Thankfully, she's doing much better than she was doing when she went into the hospital. Mama was so sick that I actually braced myself for her departure. That's truly how sick she was! The walls of death were closing in on Mama as she was being overcome by internal bleeding from an unknown spot, congested heart failure, pulmonary edema, kidney failure, hypertension, diabetes, irregular heart rate, and seizure disorder. She was so ill that many of the doctors started conversing with me about perhaps giving my mother medicine to help her have a peaceful exit. I was even faced with making a decision on whether to resuscitate or not, in case she went into respiratory or cardiac arrest.
When it looked like she was going to die, a storm of emotions washed over me. I was sad that my mother, a woman of so much strength and resilience, had suffered so intensely over the last few years. I hated that this painful opera seemed to be approaching its tragic finale. I cried because I hated to see Mama's life, a life that has been filled with countless acts of kindness and selflessness, end with such pain and sorrow. I cried because I had no power to stop the further decline of her already poor health. I wept because what was happening to her seemed so unjust and so cruel.
I sat in the waiting area, closed my eyes, and considered that perhaps was now the time to say goodbye. However, my spirit just couldn't wrap my mind around that idea. I begin to struggle with myself, as I considered that perhaps I didn't want Mama to die because I'm truly scared of living without my parents. I prayed and asked God to prepare me for what was to come. I asked God to wrap His arms around me so that I would know that no matter what, I am never alone.
That night when I got home, I bathed my weary body and crept into the safety of my bed. But peace was not waiting for me under those covers. My head hit the pillow, and I immediately was whisked away into a tragic time machine. I began contemplating the last seven years. I was being drug through my past like James Byrd was violently drug through the streets of Jasper, Texas.
I thought about how one second, one blood clot, and one cerebral brain attack had changed my mother’s one chance at living a happy, peaceful life. I thought about how Mama’s personality was drastically altered, how her physical strength was diminished, how her ability to understand complex information was damaged, and how her ability to employ speech to communicate ideas, thoughts, and requests effectively was forever stolen. My mother, who was then an accomplished elementary school teacher, is now an extremely ill, significantly disabled woman, and it’s all because of a stroke. All of that makes my heart so sad.
Earlier that afternoon when I was at the hospital with Mama, doctors surrounded me, trying to convince me that it was perhaps time to let my mother go. They told me how Mama had conveyed to them earlier in the day how she was tired of living, and how she did not want the recommended treatment that could delay her eventual demise. By the time I got to the hospital, Mama was being poisoned by carbon dioxide, which was slowly entering her blood stream due to her inability to breathe. I tried and tried to wake her up to talk her out of this death wish she apparently made clear to the hospital staff. However, our conversation was quickly being interrupted by lethargic reactions to her rising respiratory failure. I couldn’t keep Mama up for more than 60 seconds!
I got right in her face and started telling her that if she refused the blood transfusion and the dialysis she would be dead in a matter of days. She nodded and went back to sleep. I nudged her and told her that she should want to live for the grandchildren. But mama looked at me and said that she didn’t care.
Even my darling friend, Chad, was trying to convince Mama to hold on, and to consider the medical treatment that could save her life. She woke up long enough to tell him to make sure that he sat with the family at the funeral! Mama even told my friend, Chris, to be ready to have words at the funeral service. And no matter how persistent my friend, Heather, was Mama still continued to express how death was the only good thing for someone in her condition.
Tears violated me, making my private anguish public. Tension squeezed my brain, and all the nerve endings on my body came to life as I considered a life with a lifeless mother. I stopped berating my obviously tired, clearly incoherent mother with my desires, and reluctantly backed off to let her rest in peace.
I asked my friend Chris to pray for my mother before she loss full consciousness, and then I called my sisters to inform them of what was going on. I instructed them to bring the grandchildren, with the consideration that it may be their last time seeing their grandmother alive.
**Tomorrow, I’ll post the second part of this narrative. Stay tuned! The second and third parts are not as intense. I promise!**
Angela L. Braden
Monday, August 10, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
A Fantastic Resource for Individuals that have Blindness or Low Vision Concerns!!!
I just got through reading the most recent entries on the American Foundation for the Blind's blog. The information they have posted there was great!!!
I'm ashamed to say that although I have the blog linked here on NuVision, I haven't visited their blog in a few weeks. I've been terribly busy. However, that's still no excuse. I should make it my business to stay informed about issues that impact individuals with blindness and low vision.
I strongly encourage my readers to check out AFB's blog! You won't be disappointed.
Much love to my readers!
Angie B.
I'm ashamed to say that although I have the blog linked here on NuVision, I haven't visited their blog in a few weeks. I've been terribly busy. However, that's still no excuse. I should make it my business to stay informed about issues that impact individuals with blindness and low vision.
I strongly encourage my readers to check out AFB's blog! You won't be disappointed.
Much love to my readers!
Angie B.
Kathy Martinez: A Blind Woman That's Doing Great Things!!!
**i'm always inspired when I hear about people with disabilities doing great things. And it's even more exciting to me that Kathy Martinez is blind, a woman, and Latina. There's no doubt that being apart of three minority groups can make this road more difficult to travel. Ladies like Kathy Martinez are a reminder to me and others that professional success is achievable if you believe in yourself!**
From Diversity Inc. Magazine (March 23, 2009):
Obama Nominates ODEP Asst. Secretary Kathy Martinez
By Zayda Rivera
Internationally recognized disability-rights leader Kathy Martinez was nominated for assistant secretary for the Office of Disability Employment Policy (ODEP) by President Barack Obama on March 20.
Martinez, who has been blind since birth, specializes in employment, asset building, independent living, international development, and diversity and gender issues from her work as executive director of the World Institute on Disability (WID). Her impressive resume includes Proyecto Vision, WID's National Technical Assistance Center to increase employment opportunities for Latinos with disabilities in the United States, and Access to Assets, an asset-building project to help reduce poverty among people with disabilities.
She was also responsible for leading the team that produced the acclaimed
international webzine Disability World ( http://www.disabilityworld.org/ ) in both English and Spanish...
From Diversity Inc. Magazine (March 23, 2009):
Obama Nominates ODEP Asst. Secretary Kathy Martinez
By Zayda Rivera
Internationally recognized disability-rights leader Kathy Martinez was nominated for assistant secretary for the Office of Disability Employment Policy (ODEP) by President Barack Obama on March 20.
Martinez, who has been blind since birth, specializes in employment, asset building, independent living, international development, and diversity and gender issues from her work as executive director of the World Institute on Disability (WID). Her impressive resume includes Proyecto Vision, WID's National Technical Assistance Center to increase employment opportunities for Latinos with disabilities in the United States, and Access to Assets, an asset-building project to help reduce poverty among people with disabilities.
She was also responsible for leading the team that produced the acclaimed
international webzine Disability World ( http://www.disabilityworld.org/ ) in both English and Spanish...
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Preview of Black in america 2 (Part 3 of 3)
The date and time had finally arrived. It was 6:59 PM, and in less than one minute my preview of CNN's Black in America was scheduled to begin. My nerves started to shutter. I wondered what would all the people in the audience think about me, the unsuspected blind woman. I whispered to my pastor that I was nervous. He put the microphone in my hand, and reminded me that there was no time for fear and anxiety.
With less than one minute to get it together, I dug deep and pulled out one of my best smiles, stood with beauty and strength, and accessed my best voice. At 7:00 on the dot, I greeted my guest with confidence and pure humility. I was honored that so many, over 300, had gathered to participate in an event that I organized. I was thankful that there was no need to be embarrassed just yet. So far, the preview of BIA2 was off to a good start. I greeted everyone, Thanked CNN and my co-host, Dr. Cofield, and then talked a little about the Black in America special that was scheduled to air the next week.
Unfortunately, underneath my confident smile, nervous energy was rising up. I was so glad that I was approaching the time that I could hand the microphone to Dr. Cofield. I realized that even though my blind eyes could not see anything, I had at least 600 eyeballs looking directly at me. I forced my nervous energy under my feet, and smiled as I introduced Dr. Cofield.
Dr. Cofield had a few compelling words, and then the preview of Black in America 2 was presented to all that were in attendance.
It was great!!!
Although I watched the preview days before, it was still incredibly interesting and inspiring when I watched it at the church with my guest!!! I, in particular, enjoyed the segment on Malaak Compton-Rock and Steve Perry.
After the previewed aird, we had a fantastic discussion, which was moderated by Dr. Cofield. My distinguished panelists, which included a Harris County criminal court judge, an award winning radio personality, and a school board member, all did a marvelous job!!!
When the event was finally over, I sighed with relief. I had accomplished a few major things that would not have been accomplished if I hadn't connected with CNN.
A. I helped CNN market this very important documentary.
B. I, along with my friend, Chad, and my pastor, Dr. Cofield, successfully worked together to plan and execute a great event. I learned a lot about teamwork!
C. I met some great people because of this event!!!
D. I learned that fear is my enemy. And I, by all means, should never let fear be my guide.
E. At the end of the night, I realized that I'm ready to put myself out there. I'm ready to share myself with the world.
F. I discovered that the only thing that stands between me and great success is a lack of confidence.
G. I learned how much I really enjoy planning events! It was fun!!!
H. I learned how inspiring people are by my ability to perform despite my blindness. (I really do need to make that fact work for me!)
Before I end this series of posts about me hosting a preview of BIA2, I must thank the following:
CNN!!!
Dr. D.Z. Cofield
Good Hope Missionary Baptist Church
Chad K. Brawley
Judge Michael Fields
Madd Hatta - Host of the Madd Hatta Morning Show (Radio One 97.9 FM)
Patrick Ngwolo
Rose Bell
Wanda Johnson
Stephen Brown
Dr. Wendy Johnson
Michelle Stephenson
Ingrid Ashley
Rosetta Mayes
Crystal Reagans
Art Hooker
Dave Donaldson
Friends and Family
**I watched Black in America 2 last night and tonight. Tomorrow, I'll post a review. Here's a teaser... I think that it was actually very, very good! **
Angie Braden
With less than one minute to get it together, I dug deep and pulled out one of my best smiles, stood with beauty and strength, and accessed my best voice. At 7:00 on the dot, I greeted my guest with confidence and pure humility. I was honored that so many, over 300, had gathered to participate in an event that I organized. I was thankful that there was no need to be embarrassed just yet. So far, the preview of BIA2 was off to a good start. I greeted everyone, Thanked CNN and my co-host, Dr. Cofield, and then talked a little about the Black in America special that was scheduled to air the next week.
Unfortunately, underneath my confident smile, nervous energy was rising up. I was so glad that I was approaching the time that I could hand the microphone to Dr. Cofield. I realized that even though my blind eyes could not see anything, I had at least 600 eyeballs looking directly at me. I forced my nervous energy under my feet, and smiled as I introduced Dr. Cofield.
Dr. Cofield had a few compelling words, and then the preview of Black in America 2 was presented to all that were in attendance.
It was great!!!
Although I watched the preview days before, it was still incredibly interesting and inspiring when I watched it at the church with my guest!!! I, in particular, enjoyed the segment on Malaak Compton-Rock and Steve Perry.
After the previewed aird, we had a fantastic discussion, which was moderated by Dr. Cofield. My distinguished panelists, which included a Harris County criminal court judge, an award winning radio personality, and a school board member, all did a marvelous job!!!
When the event was finally over, I sighed with relief. I had accomplished a few major things that would not have been accomplished if I hadn't connected with CNN.
A. I helped CNN market this very important documentary.
B. I, along with my friend, Chad, and my pastor, Dr. Cofield, successfully worked together to plan and execute a great event. I learned a lot about teamwork!
C. I met some great people because of this event!!!
D. I learned that fear is my enemy. And I, by all means, should never let fear be my guide.
E. At the end of the night, I realized that I'm ready to put myself out there. I'm ready to share myself with the world.
F. I discovered that the only thing that stands between me and great success is a lack of confidence.
G. I learned how much I really enjoy planning events! It was fun!!!
H. I learned how inspiring people are by my ability to perform despite my blindness. (I really do need to make that fact work for me!)
Before I end this series of posts about me hosting a preview of BIA2, I must thank the following:
CNN!!!
Dr. D.Z. Cofield
Good Hope Missionary Baptist Church
Chad K. Brawley
Judge Michael Fields
Madd Hatta - Host of the Madd Hatta Morning Show (Radio One 97.9 FM)
Patrick Ngwolo
Rose Bell
Wanda Johnson
Stephen Brown
Dr. Wendy Johnson
Michelle Stephenson
Ingrid Ashley
Rosetta Mayes
Crystal Reagans
Art Hooker
Dave Donaldson
Friends and Family
**I watched Black in America 2 last night and tonight. Tomorrow, I'll post a review. Here's a teaser... I think that it was actually very, very good! **
Angie Braden
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Preview of CNN's Black in America 2 (Part 2 of 3)
As soon as I received my package from CNN, I called my friend and told him the great news. We immediately began strategizing on how we can plan and execute a successful prescreening of BIA2. We agreed that approaching our pastor with the idea of co-hosting the event would surely ensure a successful event.
That afternoon, we approached our pastor, Dr. D.Z. Cofield, who is also the Vice President of the NAACP-Houston Chapter. Being a person that is quite concerned about the condition and progress of African American people, Dr. Cofield quickly agreed to co-host the event with me, and to allow me to use Good Hope Missionary Baptist Church to show the preview and conduct the panel discussion.
We hit the ground running. We had only a week to market the event, to invite panelists for the discussion, and to make all the final arrangements with CNN. A few of us teamed together and made Facebook and Twitter work for us. I worked closely with Dr. Cofield to select a range of distinguished panelists that would offer insight, wisdom, and expertise in our discussion. I commissioned a very talented filmographer, by the name of Arthur Hooker to capture the event with his camera.
A week later, after sending dozens of e-mails, making countless phone calls, updating my Facebook and Twitter status several times each day, and inviting nearly 2,000 people on Facebook, the time had arrived. It was Thursday, July 16th; and this event that I had worked so hard to plan was finally at my fingertips.
**Stay tuned for the final installment of this series of posts.**
The premier of CNN's Black in America 2 will air tonight on CNN. Don't forget to watch!!! I promise you won't be disappointed!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009 on CNN
*All times Eastern
7:00pm – 8:00pm Moment of Truth: Countdown to Black in America 2
8:00pm – 9:00pm Presidential News Conference
That afternoon, we approached our pastor, Dr. D.Z. Cofield, who is also the Vice President of the NAACP-Houston Chapter. Being a person that is quite concerned about the condition and progress of African American people, Dr. Cofield quickly agreed to co-host the event with me, and to allow me to use Good Hope Missionary Baptist Church to show the preview and conduct the panel discussion.
We hit the ground running. We had only a week to market the event, to invite panelists for the discussion, and to make all the final arrangements with CNN. A few of us teamed together and made Facebook and Twitter work for us. I worked closely with Dr. Cofield to select a range of distinguished panelists that would offer insight, wisdom, and expertise in our discussion. I commissioned a very talented filmographer, by the name of Arthur Hooker to capture the event with his camera.
A week later, after sending dozens of e-mails, making countless phone calls, updating my Facebook and Twitter status several times each day, and inviting nearly 2,000 people on Facebook, the time had arrived. It was Thursday, July 16th; and this event that I had worked so hard to plan was finally at my fingertips.
**Stay tuned for the final installment of this series of posts.**
The premier of CNN's Black in America 2 will air tonight on CNN. Don't forget to watch!!! I promise you won't be disappointed!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009 on CNN
*All times Eastern
7:00pm – 8:00pm Moment of Truth: Countdown to Black in America 2
8:00pm – 9:00pm Presidential News Conference
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Preview of CNN's Black in America 2 (Part 1 of 3)
This month, an amazing opportunity presented itself to me. Because of my blog and my connection to other larger African American blogs, CNN became aware of NuVision for a Nuday. Simply amazing!!!
Perhaps a year ago, I started getting updates from their PR folks about many of the specials and news stories that are deemed to be of some interest to African Americans. I always thought it was cool to get e-mails from CNN. But I must admit that I thought it was some sort of robotic, mass mailing service to bloggers of color; and I just happened to be one of them.
One day, I decided to reply to one of the messages to see if it would just bounce back undeliverable. I asked them why they were sending me programming updates via e-mail. Honestly, I don't know why I replied to the e-mail at all. I truly didn't expect a response back. Ten minutes later, I received a personal message from one of their PR folks, explaining why they selected me to receive notices of interviews and programs that would be interesting to African Americans.
I was immediately impressed! I thought it was amazing that CNN:
A. cared enough about African Americans to make an attempt to consider diversity in their programming initiatives.
B. understands the power and reach of the African American blogger.
C. is progressive enough to tap into the boundless marketing possibilities of blogs and social networking sites.
D. employs a personal touch when communicating with bloggers.
A few months after receiving that personal message, I started getting updates about their groundbreaking special, Black in America 2. Even though I didn't really enjoy last year's Black in america, I started looking forward to this year's. Many of the e-mails that came from CNN provided teasers of some of the things that would be covered this year, and I was impressed. I traveled to the website, and the content there seemed wonderful also.
A couple weeks later, some of my blogging buddies were posting status updates on Facebook, commenting on prescreenings of Black in America that they had attended in their hometowns. I bounced over to my e-mail and sent a message to CNN, asking them if they could let me know if any screenings were going on in Houston.
I got a response in about 5 minutes. Impressed again!!!
They told me that the prescreening in Houston had already occured, but I could host one myself if I wanted to. Of course I wanted to!!! So, I told them that I absolutely wanted to host a prescreening of the special. And three days later, a package arrived on my doorstep from CNN!
**This is 1 of 3 posts. I'll post the rest later today or tomorrow.**
Perhaps a year ago, I started getting updates from their PR folks about many of the specials and news stories that are deemed to be of some interest to African Americans. I always thought it was cool to get e-mails from CNN. But I must admit that I thought it was some sort of robotic, mass mailing service to bloggers of color; and I just happened to be one of them.
One day, I decided to reply to one of the messages to see if it would just bounce back undeliverable. I asked them why they were sending me programming updates via e-mail. Honestly, I don't know why I replied to the e-mail at all. I truly didn't expect a response back. Ten minutes later, I received a personal message from one of their PR folks, explaining why they selected me to receive notices of interviews and programs that would be interesting to African Americans.
I was immediately impressed! I thought it was amazing that CNN:
A. cared enough about African Americans to make an attempt to consider diversity in their programming initiatives.
B. understands the power and reach of the African American blogger.
C. is progressive enough to tap into the boundless marketing possibilities of blogs and social networking sites.
D. employs a personal touch when communicating with bloggers.
A few months after receiving that personal message, I started getting updates about their groundbreaking special, Black in America 2. Even though I didn't really enjoy last year's Black in america, I started looking forward to this year's. Many of the e-mails that came from CNN provided teasers of some of the things that would be covered this year, and I was impressed. I traveled to the website, and the content there seemed wonderful also.
A couple weeks later, some of my blogging buddies were posting status updates on Facebook, commenting on prescreenings of Black in America that they had attended in their hometowns. I bounced over to my e-mail and sent a message to CNN, asking them if they could let me know if any screenings were going on in Houston.
I got a response in about 5 minutes. Impressed again!!!
They told me that the prescreening in Houston had already occured, but I could host one myself if I wanted to. Of course I wanted to!!! So, I told them that I absolutely wanted to host a prescreening of the special. And three days later, a package arrived on my doorstep from CNN!
**This is 1 of 3 posts. I'll post the rest later today or tomorrow.**
Random Reflections About Very Specific Things
These are my random reflections.
1. Last week, July 12th, to be exact, I walked into a new age range. No longer will I be able to check the box on surveys, where my old age used to live. Now, I'll be checking a new box. And this new box is reserved for the more mature crowd. And you know what? I'm cool with that.
One of my closest friends was shocked that I was coping with getting older so well. I tried to explain to her that I simply made a decision that I wasn't going to let it get me down. Plus, I realize the only way you can live is if you get older. The two actions are conjoined, and there is no separating them.
2. I read an article the other day that said that only 20% of blind folks were employed. I'm so glad to be in the number! Yeah, I wish I made more money, but at least I do make some.
3. I wish I could get a job that paid me what I'm worth. Being broke all the darn time is nerve wrecking. Not to mention, it's quite unfair to me as a professional, college educated, competent woman. Somehow, someway, this has got to end!
4. My social circles are expanding. And for that, I thank God!
5. Crybabies make me sick!
6. Even though three planes have fallen out the sky this summer, I still wish I was on one of those metal birds. I need a vacation!!!
7. I only like homecooked breakfast food. Breakfast from fastfood joints is yucky!!!
8. I only put on a bra and shoes when I have to. LOL And right now, I wish I wasn't having a "have to" moment. This bra is getting on my nerves! LOLOL Just keeping it real!
9. I need a good book to read. Any suggestions?
10. I wish I had someone in my life that would romance me a little. I'm not really interested in marriage right now. I just want someone I can connect with in a more intimate, loving way.
Why am I not interested in marriage right now? Well, my family life, my responsibility to my mother, makes it difficult for me to think about being responsible for one more person. And when you're married, you have to give so much. Right now, I can't give what I think is required out of a "wife". So, I'll reframe from trying to be what I can't do well. But I have no doubt in my mind that I can be a good girlfriend.
11. I'm sitting here at the hospital with my mother. She just told the docs she wish she could just die. That's something she says often when we're around the house. Honestly, I don't really think she means it. But this time, I think she meant it. and that, makes my heart so sad.
12. Thank God for an internet connection at the hospital!!! Sitting at the hospital with family is so much easier for me than it used to be, simply because of my lap top and the hospital's internet connection.
What I think is interesting is that the hospital's server has blocked access to Facebook. I guess the hospital's staff were using social networking sites too much. Hilarious!!!
**Angie Braden**
1. Last week, July 12th, to be exact, I walked into a new age range. No longer will I be able to check the box on surveys, where my old age used to live. Now, I'll be checking a new box. And this new box is reserved for the more mature crowd. And you know what? I'm cool with that.
One of my closest friends was shocked that I was coping with getting older so well. I tried to explain to her that I simply made a decision that I wasn't going to let it get me down. Plus, I realize the only way you can live is if you get older. The two actions are conjoined, and there is no separating them.
2. I read an article the other day that said that only 20% of blind folks were employed. I'm so glad to be in the number! Yeah, I wish I made more money, but at least I do make some.
3. I wish I could get a job that paid me what I'm worth. Being broke all the darn time is nerve wrecking. Not to mention, it's quite unfair to me as a professional, college educated, competent woman. Somehow, someway, this has got to end!
4. My social circles are expanding. And for that, I thank God!
5. Crybabies make me sick!
6. Even though three planes have fallen out the sky this summer, I still wish I was on one of those metal birds. I need a vacation!!!
7. I only like homecooked breakfast food. Breakfast from fastfood joints is yucky!!!
8. I only put on a bra and shoes when I have to. LOL And right now, I wish I wasn't having a "have to" moment. This bra is getting on my nerves! LOLOL Just keeping it real!
9. I need a good book to read. Any suggestions?
10. I wish I had someone in my life that would romance me a little. I'm not really interested in marriage right now. I just want someone I can connect with in a more intimate, loving way.
Why am I not interested in marriage right now? Well, my family life, my responsibility to my mother, makes it difficult for me to think about being responsible for one more person. And when you're married, you have to give so much. Right now, I can't give what I think is required out of a "wife". So, I'll reframe from trying to be what I can't do well. But I have no doubt in my mind that I can be a good girlfriend.
11. I'm sitting here at the hospital with my mother. She just told the docs she wish she could just die. That's something she says often when we're around the house. Honestly, I don't really think she means it. But this time, I think she meant it. and that, makes my heart so sad.
12. Thank God for an internet connection at the hospital!!! Sitting at the hospital with family is so much easier for me than it used to be, simply because of my lap top and the hospital's internet connection.
What I think is interesting is that the hospital's server has blocked access to Facebook. I guess the hospital's staff were using social networking sites too much. Hilarious!!!
**Angie Braden**
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Still a Virgin
I'm sure that most of you can remember your first time.
Unfortunately, I can't say that I've been fortunate enough to have that unforgettable experience.
Why haven't I?
Well, various circumstances and a lack of opportunity have left me void of that first experience that most people have by the time their 21.
I'm told that the "first time" can be somewhat clumsy and rigid. But once you push pass your trepidation, it is awesome!
Too bad that I'm relegated to remaining a virgin for the rest of my life.
Be optimistic, you say?
Well, at this point, I don't ever expect to get my sight back, not unless a medical miracle occurs in my lifetime. So, as long as I can't see, I'll never get a chance to sit behind the wheel of a car and drive it down a street.
(You thought I was talking about sex, didn't you?!!!! LOL that’s not the only kind of virgin a person can be. Expand your thinking!!! LOLOL)
Last month, my sister bought a new car. I rode with her to take the final paperwork back to the dealership, so that her purchase could be final. When we rode off the car lot, my heart unexpectedly started to quake.
There I was, sitting in the passenger seat of her shiny black car, feeling an emotion that I’m not quite familiar with. Jealousy... And as we rode down FM 1960, that jealousy morphed into a twinge of profound sadness.
I silently considered why I was feeling this way. I've been the passenger in plenty cars and trucks. So, why did this particular ride bother me so much?
I realized at that very moment that I, Angela Braden, never got a chance to sit behind a wheel and drive. I never had the chance to have a driver's license. And I will likely never have the chance to purchase a vehicle that I will be able to legally drive. For a few profound minutes, on that sunny afternoon, it was hard for me to accept that large dose of reality, which was violently splashed right in my face.
But because I refuse to host or attend any pity parties, I quickly tore up the invitation to be depressed about my aging virginity. I angled the air condition vents directly on me, leaned back in my seat, and enjoyed the heat from the Houston sun across my face as I was being chauffeured back to my house in a shiny, new car. How many folks can say that they have a team of personal drivers?! LOL
Take this bit of advice from a blind woman... It's all in how you "choose" to see it!!!
All the best to you!
Angela Braden
Unfortunately, I can't say that I've been fortunate enough to have that unforgettable experience.
Why haven't I?
Well, various circumstances and a lack of opportunity have left me void of that first experience that most people have by the time their 21.
I'm told that the "first time" can be somewhat clumsy and rigid. But once you push pass your trepidation, it is awesome!
Too bad that I'm relegated to remaining a virgin for the rest of my life.
Be optimistic, you say?
Well, at this point, I don't ever expect to get my sight back, not unless a medical miracle occurs in my lifetime. So, as long as I can't see, I'll never get a chance to sit behind the wheel of a car and drive it down a street.
(You thought I was talking about sex, didn't you?!!!! LOL that’s not the only kind of virgin a person can be. Expand your thinking!!! LOLOL)
Last month, my sister bought a new car. I rode with her to take the final paperwork back to the dealership, so that her purchase could be final. When we rode off the car lot, my heart unexpectedly started to quake.
There I was, sitting in the passenger seat of her shiny black car, feeling an emotion that I’m not quite familiar with. Jealousy... And as we rode down FM 1960, that jealousy morphed into a twinge of profound sadness.
I silently considered why I was feeling this way. I've been the passenger in plenty cars and trucks. So, why did this particular ride bother me so much?
I realized at that very moment that I, Angela Braden, never got a chance to sit behind a wheel and drive. I never had the chance to have a driver's license. And I will likely never have the chance to purchase a vehicle that I will be able to legally drive. For a few profound minutes, on that sunny afternoon, it was hard for me to accept that large dose of reality, which was violently splashed right in my face.
But because I refuse to host or attend any pity parties, I quickly tore up the invitation to be depressed about my aging virginity. I angled the air condition vents directly on me, leaned back in my seat, and enjoyed the heat from the Houston sun across my face as I was being chauffeured back to my house in a shiny, new car. How many folks can say that they have a team of personal drivers?! LOL
Take this bit of advice from a blind woman... It's all in how you "choose" to see it!!!
All the best to you!
Angela Braden
Saturday, June 27, 2009
A Visual Memory that I'll Cherish for Life: Michael Jackson!
Thursday afternoon, I walked into the gameroom to talk to my mom for a second. While I was standing there, news of Michael Jackson being rushed to the hospital by ambulance broke. I immediately sat down to learn more about what was going on with my favorite childhood superstar. Three hours later, we found out that Michael Jackson was dead. My heart sank.
No, I didn't personally know Michael Jackson. But his music, his ability to capture the world's attention, and his commitment to artistic excellence struck me and had indelible impact on how I saw myself and the world we live in.
Michael was not just a celebrity, he was a legend. He was not just a dancer, he was revolutionary. Michael was not just a singer, he was a phenomena.
And I’m so glad that I got a chance to SEE him myself. I don’t think that anyone could have effectively described how Michael moved when he danced, how amazing the music videos were, and how people all over the world reacted when they witnessed his musical charisma.
I remember the album covers of Off the Wall and Thriller so vividly. It’s almost like I can still see them now. Michael was absolutely gorgeous to me!!! Beautiful skin, hair, eyes, and smile...
As incredible as it may sound, I also truly remember the many dance moves that Michael did in the Thriller, Beat It, and Billie Jean videos. That’s how captivated I was with him and his ability to express himself artistically.
And even though I got a chance to see Michael live in concert at the Astrodome when he did the Victory Tour, the performance I will never-ever forget was the Motown 25 television special. When I saw Michael, I was in a trance. He was so beautiful! And when he started moving… Oh my goodness!!! There are no words to describe how time froze for those few minutes. I’ll never forget! The glove… The hat… And that dance move that blew the world away!
Honestly, I don’t feel sad for Michael. His life was full of glorious opportunities that he was able to take full advantage of. In addition, Michael selfishly shared his gift with all of us. He absolutely made the best of the 50 years that were granted to him.
My friend, Randy, wrote a song about how there are so many treasures that are buried in the graveyard, simply because people were too afraid, too faithless, too selfish to transform their dreams to reality when they were alive. I beg you to not let that be you. Don’t let them bury your gifts and talents in the casket with your lifeless body. Give life to the gifts that God has stored in you from birth!
Yes, we die. But our gifts to the world can live forever. Michael is dead. But his gift to the world will live for decades, and perhaps centuries.
May Michael Joseph Jackson rest in sweet peace; and may his gift to the world live forever.
Angela Braden
Lifetime Fan
No, I didn't personally know Michael Jackson. But his music, his ability to capture the world's attention, and his commitment to artistic excellence struck me and had indelible impact on how I saw myself and the world we live in.
Michael was not just a celebrity, he was a legend. He was not just a dancer, he was revolutionary. Michael was not just a singer, he was a phenomena.
And I’m so glad that I got a chance to SEE him myself. I don’t think that anyone could have effectively described how Michael moved when he danced, how amazing the music videos were, and how people all over the world reacted when they witnessed his musical charisma.
I remember the album covers of Off the Wall and Thriller so vividly. It’s almost like I can still see them now. Michael was absolutely gorgeous to me!!! Beautiful skin, hair, eyes, and smile...
As incredible as it may sound, I also truly remember the many dance moves that Michael did in the Thriller, Beat It, and Billie Jean videos. That’s how captivated I was with him and his ability to express himself artistically.
And even though I got a chance to see Michael live in concert at the Astrodome when he did the Victory Tour, the performance I will never-ever forget was the Motown 25 television special. When I saw Michael, I was in a trance. He was so beautiful! And when he started moving… Oh my goodness!!! There are no words to describe how time froze for those few minutes. I’ll never forget! The glove… The hat… And that dance move that blew the world away!
Honestly, I don’t feel sad for Michael. His life was full of glorious opportunities that he was able to take full advantage of. In addition, Michael selfishly shared his gift with all of us. He absolutely made the best of the 50 years that were granted to him.
My friend, Randy, wrote a song about how there are so many treasures that are buried in the graveyard, simply because people were too afraid, too faithless, too selfish to transform their dreams to reality when they were alive. I beg you to not let that be you. Don’t let them bury your gifts and talents in the casket with your lifeless body. Give life to the gifts that God has stored in you from birth!
Yes, we die. But our gifts to the world can live forever. Michael is dead. But his gift to the world will live for decades, and perhaps centuries.
May Michael Joseph Jackson rest in sweet peace; and may his gift to the world live forever.
Angela Braden
Lifetime Fan
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Waiting in the Dark
A couple days ago, one of my best friends told me that her boyfriend always reminds her to call me back. She said that he doesn't like the idea that I'm sitting around in the dark, waiting for her to call. So, he often pushes her to call me, the blind friend, back.
Um, really?
Is that the only reason why "my friend" would need to call me back? To save me from a life of dark bordem? To save me from being lonely and blind? To save me from myself?
I guess calling me back because I'm a friend is not a good enough reason in his mind.
I know that when my friend reads this, she will likely be disappointed that I wrote about it. But I'm not writing about it to express anger in her man. I'm not even writing about it to put the brotha on blast. **So, don't take offense to this.**
The reason why I'm taking time to write about it is to point out how many people perceive me. Most of the people that I've come in contact with see me as a lonely, blind chick that lives in the dark, with no friends, and charitable family to care for me.
I hate that people see me as the "blind friend". I don't want to be the "blind church member". I don't want to be Frances, Paula, and Kim's "blind sister". And I'm shonuff sick of being Mama and Daddy's "blind daughter".
Because when people start seeing you as the "blind one", then they place different expectations and demands on the relationship. And many of those expectations and demands are unfounded and basically ridiculous.
Yes, I need a sighted guide to get around. Yes, I may need some assistance knowing what color some clothing items are. Yes, I need people to read to me from time to time.
But I don't need a special provisional friendship. I just need my friends to be a friend. Not a friend to the blind... But a friend to a friend...
But I might as well give up on that wish. I am the "blind lady" in all of my circles. It is what it is.
However I refuse to play the role that people are trying to assign to me. I will just be me. And from what I gather, to my real friends, the people that "know" me, being me is good enough.
**To my friend: Please, please don't be offended because I wrote about this. I'm not trying to slander your man. I'm just thinking out loud. And when I do think out loud about blindness related issues, it get's splattered on my blog, NuVision.
Love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Angie**
Um, really?
Is that the only reason why "my friend" would need to call me back? To save me from a life of dark bordem? To save me from being lonely and blind? To save me from myself?
I guess calling me back because I'm a friend is not a good enough reason in his mind.
I know that when my friend reads this, she will likely be disappointed that I wrote about it. But I'm not writing about it to express anger in her man. I'm not even writing about it to put the brotha on blast. **So, don't take offense to this.**
The reason why I'm taking time to write about it is to point out how many people perceive me. Most of the people that I've come in contact with see me as a lonely, blind chick that lives in the dark, with no friends, and charitable family to care for me.
I hate that people see me as the "blind friend". I don't want to be the "blind church member". I don't want to be Frances, Paula, and Kim's "blind sister". And I'm shonuff sick of being Mama and Daddy's "blind daughter".
Because when people start seeing you as the "blind one", then they place different expectations and demands on the relationship. And many of those expectations and demands are unfounded and basically ridiculous.
Yes, I need a sighted guide to get around. Yes, I may need some assistance knowing what color some clothing items are. Yes, I need people to read to me from time to time.
But I don't need a special provisional friendship. I just need my friends to be a friend. Not a friend to the blind... But a friend to a friend...
But I might as well give up on that wish. I am the "blind lady" in all of my circles. It is what it is.
However I refuse to play the role that people are trying to assign to me. I will just be me. And from what I gather, to my real friends, the people that "know" me, being me is good enough.
**To my friend: Please, please don't be offended because I wrote about this. I'm not trying to slander your man. I'm just thinking out loud. And when I do think out loud about blindness related issues, it get's splattered on my blog, NuVision.
Love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Angie**
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Finally!
After years and years of having a cell phone, I finally can do more than just talk on my phone. Thanks to advancements in assistive technology for cellular phones, I can now text message, browse the internet, listen to music, send and receive e-mails, manage the phonebook, and change my ring-tones, all independently.
Of course, being able to send a text message is not an essential part of my life. But for many years I was blocked out of being able make the most of my phone, simply because accessibility was not an option for so many cell phone manufacturers.
And because barriers absolutely bother me, I was always annoyed that I couldn't do a simple task like enter a name in the phonebook of my cell phone. So, for the last 15 years, I've hoped that technology would be created to knock those barriers down. And finally, there are companies that are dedicated to creating a product that is accessible for blind cell phone consumers. Yipee!!!
The program I use is Mobile Speak for Windows. This program was created by Code Factory. And it works marvelously on my Palm Treo.
I'm able to do almost anything on my phone, like a sighted person would. Of course, I'm having to not only learn how to use the Treo; I'm having to learn how to use the Mobile Speak as well. That's a little challenging. But the rewards far outweigh the time and energy I'm having to use to learn the phone.
The greatest benefit of having speech on my phone is the feature that allows me to enter information into my phonebook. For so many years, I was not able to save phone numbers. That was fine when my memory was in tip top condition. But now that I'm getting a little older, being able to have a telephone number in an easily accessible format is incredibly important. Already, after only having my phone for a couple months, I have 150 contacts saved in my phone. I suspect that number will increase over time.
Another aspect of my phone I enjoy is the possibility of sending someone a quick text message. So many times, I need to say something to someone, but do not want to actually call them. Texting truly works in those situations.
If you want to learn more about Mobile Speak, visit the manufacturer's website.
http://www.codefactory.com
Blessings!
Angie
Of course, being able to send a text message is not an essential part of my life. But for many years I was blocked out of being able make the most of my phone, simply because accessibility was not an option for so many cell phone manufacturers.
And because barriers absolutely bother me, I was always annoyed that I couldn't do a simple task like enter a name in the phonebook of my cell phone. So, for the last 15 years, I've hoped that technology would be created to knock those barriers down. And finally, there are companies that are dedicated to creating a product that is accessible for blind cell phone consumers. Yipee!!!
The program I use is Mobile Speak for Windows. This program was created by Code Factory. And it works marvelously on my Palm Treo.
I'm able to do almost anything on my phone, like a sighted person would. Of course, I'm having to not only learn how to use the Treo; I'm having to learn how to use the Mobile Speak as well. That's a little challenging. But the rewards far outweigh the time and energy I'm having to use to learn the phone.
The greatest benefit of having speech on my phone is the feature that allows me to enter information into my phonebook. For so many years, I was not able to save phone numbers. That was fine when my memory was in tip top condition. But now that I'm getting a little older, being able to have a telephone number in an easily accessible format is incredibly important. Already, after only having my phone for a couple months, I have 150 contacts saved in my phone. I suspect that number will increase over time.
Another aspect of my phone I enjoy is the possibility of sending someone a quick text message. So many times, I need to say something to someone, but do not want to actually call them. Texting truly works in those situations.
If you want to learn more about Mobile Speak, visit the manufacturer's website.
http://www.codefactory.com
Blessings!
Angie
Monday, June 01, 2009
The Prayers of a Blind Aunt
Last night, my sister informed me that my youngest niece's eye is swollen and it has mucus leaking from it. She said the doctors wanted to know more about my eye condition.
My heart shook at the very notion that the baby could possibly have an eye condition that could impact her sight. And it even more shook me up that her undiagnosed eye problem somehow drew a line back to me, her blind aunt.
The doctors want to know more about me and the dreadful disease that brutally stole my sight, and later my left eye. I guess they are trying to make sure that this baby doesn't become a victim of what overtook me in my younger years.
I always dream about what I would like to give my nieces and nephew as they grow older. But I am sickened at the idea that any child that is connected to me may get what I got. I somehow would feel responsible, like I gave it to them. And I'm not sure how I could live with doctors always pointing their fingers at me, as if my blindness dripped from me to one of the kids.
Yeah, I know... This makes no sense. I'm not the parent. I'm the aunt! But in a strange, ridiculous way, I would feel responsible. I would feel like I gave the kids that problem.
I'm praying for my 2.7 pound niece to continue on the track of growth and healing. But in the last few hours, I've specifically prayed for her eyes to heal and return to God's original design. And I must admit that my prayer for her eyes to get better is partially for selfish reasons. I want her to get better for herself, and so that I won't have to deal with all the emotions that will come if she does indeed have the eye disease that has taken up residence in my brown eyes.
**God bless Elyssa Adriana Perez. May God's healing power flow into her tiny body. May she continue to develop into the healthy, loving baby we all hope she will be. God, touch her lungs, eyes, and heart. You know the problem and the solution. She's in Your capable and loving hands. Amen.**
My heart shook at the very notion that the baby could possibly have an eye condition that could impact her sight. And it even more shook me up that her undiagnosed eye problem somehow drew a line back to me, her blind aunt.
The doctors want to know more about me and the dreadful disease that brutally stole my sight, and later my left eye. I guess they are trying to make sure that this baby doesn't become a victim of what overtook me in my younger years.
I always dream about what I would like to give my nieces and nephew as they grow older. But I am sickened at the idea that any child that is connected to me may get what I got. I somehow would feel responsible, like I gave it to them. And I'm not sure how I could live with doctors always pointing their fingers at me, as if my blindness dripped from me to one of the kids.
Yeah, I know... This makes no sense. I'm not the parent. I'm the aunt! But in a strange, ridiculous way, I would feel responsible. I would feel like I gave the kids that problem.
I'm praying for my 2.7 pound niece to continue on the track of growth and healing. But in the last few hours, I've specifically prayed for her eyes to heal and return to God's original design. And I must admit that my prayer for her eyes to get better is partially for selfish reasons. I want her to get better for herself, and so that I won't have to deal with all the emotions that will come if she does indeed have the eye disease that has taken up residence in my brown eyes.
**God bless Elyssa Adriana Perez. May God's healing power flow into her tiny body. May she continue to develop into the healthy, loving baby we all hope she will be. God, touch her lungs, eyes, and heart. You know the problem and the solution. She's in Your capable and loving hands. Amen.**
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