I Changed My Mind!

After I posted my final post for NuVision, I started grieving. I haven't been able to get my blog off my mind.

I started thinking about all the people that stumble upon my blog. I thought about all the people that purposely travel to this spot.

I wondered was there another blogger that would and could replace my voice. and then I realized that was impossible.

My voice, my experience, and my perspectives are so incredibly unique. they are so unique that I need and must continue writing.

I'm perhaps the only African American, blind, college educated, professionally employed woman on the web, who is willing to self disclose to this degree.

Perhaps I'll take a two month break. However, I'll continue to use this platform to raise the awareness of issues, concerns, and perspectives of individuals with disabilities, in particular, blindness.

So, I'm back!

Angie Braden

Am I a Dreamer or a Doer?

**I wrote this at the beginning of the year. Sometimes, it's good to revisit some of the declarations that inspired you in the past. I thought I would post it, with the hope you will also be encouraged to live your dreams. Enjoy and be inspired!!!!!!**

I've decided that this would be the year that I stop talking about
what I would like to do with my life. This will be the year that I will put action behind
my intentions and make something, anything happen. I'm fed up with
dreaming. Yeah, dreaming is good. But dreams are what they are, just a
dream. It is not a physical manifestation of what is supposed to be
accomplished in your life. Dreams are a figment of your safely constructed, carefully controlled imagination.

In my dreams, I can start a business, but never fail. I can be in
love, and never have to worry about the man of my dreams falling out
of love with me. I can be 125 pounds, and never have to get on the
treadmill. I can be a best selling author, without ever having to face
rejection from a publishing house. I can be a PH.D, without ever
having to stand before a committee to defend my dissertation. I can be
rich, without ever having to work a day in my life. To sum it up, I
can be anything in my dreams.

But in real life, I have to face my fears, face the possibility of
failure, face the reality of hard work and disappointment, face the
truth about my laziness and procrastination, face the embarrassing
fact that I sometimes overeat, and face the many possibilities that a
person may encounter when you begin an unfamiliar path towards “living”
your dreams. .

And this year, I will…I must face all of the aforementioned.
This year, I will leap out of my dreams and make my dreams apart of my reality.
I will invest my money, my time, emotions, my energy, my spirituality, my
faith, my essence into bringing forth what God intends for my life.
I will demand that the atmosphere supports this calling by positioning myself around all those that can be of service to me and my
development into the woman that I've been designed to be.
I will disrobe myself from the cloak of fear, and rise with courage, apprehending all that I know is mine.
I will soar above all that is beneath me, rather than drowning in the mediocrity that I have let decorate my life for so many years.

This year is the beginning of the rest of my life.

This year is the beginning of achievements that will blow my mind.

This year is the beginning of recommitting myself to Kingdom agendas.

This year is the beginning of never looking back.

This year is the beginning of new beginnings.

NuVision for a NuDay Celebrates the Installation of a Statue of Helen Keller at the U.S. Capitol Building

I was absolutely thrilled when I got the news that a statue of Helen Keller was installed at the U.S. Capitol's National Statuary Hall. The memorial statue of Keller is the Capitol's first ever statue to depict a person with a severe disability.

NuVision believes that this honor was absolutely appropriate for such an outstanding American. helen Keller was the first deaf-blind person to receive a bachelors degree in the United States. And she managed this amazing feat in 1904. Keller was also a internationally recognized speaker, author, and political activist. Her life has motivated so many, including myself, to not only brave the darkness of blindness, but to create a light that would luminate our personal paths, as well as others.

To read more about Helen Keller and her lifetime achievements, visit the American Foundation for the Blind's website. There you will find resources that detail the amazing life of this American hero.

"Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the face." Helen Keller

Was it the blindness or the dirty panties?

I recently ran across an article about a blind woman, who hoped to have a child with the help of a fertility clinic. Turns out, the fertility clinic turned the woman down, refusing to help her have a child. The physician is said to have felt that the blind woman could not care for a baby.

According to the clinic staff, the woman had trouble "finding bus stops" and she had "dirty underwear." So, I'm supposing they thought that (If it's true...) would make her a bad mother. I don't know about the bus stop accusation... (That's probably true. A blind person is sure to not always find what they're looking for. Perhaps the dirty underwear accusation is indeed true. But I would put money on it that the blind woman wasn't the only woman that graced their clinic with soiled underwear.

They also refused to offer fertility services because she refused to hire an occupational therapist to evaluate her home, so that the doctor would feel assured that the blind woman's home was safe for a baby. (I wonder if this is something they make all of their patients do? Hmmm...) I wonder what they thought they would or would not find in the blind woman's home? I also wonder if they would next demand that the blind woman prove to the occupational therapist that she can do various housekeeping and cooking jobs within the home. I wonder if she would've had to prove that she was capable enough of dipping her child in a tub and drowning the baby the way that sighted Andrea Yates did. **So much to consider...**

Well, the fertility clinic won their case. Apparently, the courts feel that it is permissible for a clinic to refuse to help a blind woman have a baby.

Interestingly enough, the blind woman went to Iowa, and found a doctor that agreed to perform the procedure in 2001. I guess this doctor didn't give a darn about the babies he helps bring into the world. Why would any "good and moral" doctor help a "blind" woman have a baby?! Ridiculous!

Perhaps it was because the new doctor didn't notice her stank, nasty underwear...

Or just maybe, just maybe he realized that a blind woman is capable of being a good mother to a child, just as a sighted woman can be.

Side Note: I also wonder if this woman could have possibly been discriminated against because of something more than blindness. For instance, I wonder how much her race and sexuality played a part in the decision to not give her a child. All too interesting... I should definitely follow this case.

My Issues with Public Restrooms

My germaphobic tendencies cause me to really hate public restrooms! but what i hate more is when I "need" to use the restroom, but I'm not with any of my family or friends to assist me to get to the public restroom. For example, when my mother was in ICU, the restrooms were out in the waiting room. So, when I would visit her, I would just have to hold it until someone from my family arrived at the hospital. This is why I'm always glad when Mama is in a regular hospital room. And its an added bonus when she's in a private room. I can use the restroom, without having to "hold it", wait on family to arrive, or just swallow my pride and ask a stranger to take me.

Stress has the power to strengthen you or destroy you. Which will it be? (Part 3 of 3)

**I know I should've written this weeks ago. Sorry! I've just been overwhelmed with responsibilities. Thanks for being patient with me! Well, here goes.**

The next morning, I got up from my bed, not knowing if that day would be the day that my mother's life would end or continue. Either way, I was trying to prepare myself for what was to come. No matter how much I wanted my mother to fight, to live, to survive...I mostly wanted her to be in the center of God's will for her life. And if that meant it was time for her to pass from this world to a world untouched and unseen by the living, I needed to find a way to deal with that. So, I began to pray.

I prayed and reflected while taking a bath. I prayed some more as I got dressed. I prayed while I was eating breakfast. And I prayed even more as we drove from Humble to Houston's medical center to see my mother.

We arrived at the hospital, and went straight to her room. I expected to find her in the bed with the breathing machine working hard to assist her with staying alive. But instead of finding Mama in the bed, slipping between the cracks of time and timelessness, I found my mother sitting in a chair, eating her breakfast.

"Mama? Wow! You're eating breakfast?" That's all I could say.

She was awake, but she was quiet. She was eating, but she was still. She was living, but she was still not sure if she wanted to live.

I talked to her about what was going on with her health. I explained to her how much she needed dialysis and a blood transfusion to live. I strongly suggested that she consider the grandchildren. I told her to think about me. Likewise, I told her how much I needed her in my life. Although she was quite hesitant and a bit confused, she agreed to get the treatment.

A couple weeks later, after the treatments had started to create changing results for the better, my mother was sitting in her ICU room, enjoying her family. I smiled at her, and told her over and over how glad I was that she was doing better. Because I, along with my other family members, were telling her that continuously, she finally asked us what happened to her that was so bad. I explained to her that she almost died, and that she told the doctors to let her die. Mama was shocked. She gtold me that she was glad that she was still living. And of course, I was glad.

I learned a few things from this experience.
1. Life and death are in the hands of God, only.
2. One should never make a major decision when tired.
3. We don't know the true limits of our strength until we're put in the position to access more of it than usual.
4. We should fight until the very end.
5. Encouragement is not necessary unless the person needs some courage in a frightening, uncertain situation. And when the person needs it, the people that love them need to be willing and able to provide the encouragement.
6. Life is to be lived.
7. The time of death may be uncertain to the living, but it is not with God.

My mother is still in the hospital. She's been there for 67 days. I'm hoping that we will be able to bring her home in a few days. But if we don't, if she never comes home to me, if she goes to heaven from the hospital, and even if she comes home and then goes to heaven... I TRUST GOD!

Stress has the power to destroy you or strengthen you. Which will it be? (Part 2 of 3)

Perhaps a couple hours after I called for the family to come to the hospital to see their dying loved one, the grandchildren arrived with their parents. Because the hospital staff pretty much thought that Mama would soon be dead, they allowed the kids, who were all beneath the age requirement, to visit with their granny in the ICU.

By this time, the breathing device that they had Mama on was really helping her breathe better. And the result of better breathing was more oxygen in her blood. Likewise, the result of more oxygen was greater coherence. Mama was awake! I was so afraid that she would not be able to know that the kids were by her bedside.

All three of the kids stood around her bed with concerned looks on their innocent faces. My mother peered at the kids over the massive oxygen mask that covered her nose and mouth. I hoped that seeing them would remind her why living was important. She held their hands as they spoke to her in their fearful, yet faith-filled voices.

Then shortly after the kids visited with Mama, her personal physician arrived to speak with her. He came as her doctor, as well as her friend. He advised her to give the dialysis a try and to go ahead and have the transfusion. Knowing her history, Dr. Simms defied the recommendation of death from the other doctors. He felt that despite Mama’s tiring soul, she could overcome this major health challenge. I stood at her bedside while he was talking to her, nodding my head, showing her that I fully supported Dr. Simms’ advice.

Finally, after seeing the kids and after talking with her loving doctor, my mother decided to sign the consent to have the transfusion and the dialysis. My heart was glad! However, my heart was also conflicted. I honestly wasn’t sure if I wanted Mama to live for me, or to die for herself.

I had so much to consider. If Mama was to die, I would have to plan a funeral. I wasn’t in the mood for that. But is anyone when that time comes?

If Mama was to die, I would have to figure out what I was going to do about a monthly income. I had given up my professional income twice in the last seven years to take care of Mama. If she was to die, I would then be left even more broke, simply because her annuity would die with her.

I thought about the house that at the time of purchase was such a blessing to us. If Mama was to die, I would have enough insurance money to pay the mortgage for 2 years. After that, I would either have to pay it myself or put the house up for sale.

As a woman with a significant disability, I shuttered at the thought that getting ajob to take care of myself would likely not come as fast as I would need it to. And I would be left with only one parent to make sure that my needs were met in the meantime. Then suddenly, fear gripped me even tighter.

I wondered if I was thinking about myself over Mama's right to choose to live or die. However, there was nothing in my body and mind that could allow me to passively stand by as my mother chose to give up. Yes, she was tired! Yes, she wanted to die! But we can't cash in our ticket, just because we're ready to go. That's not how it works. And you know who taught me that? My Mama!!!

Livinglife with a chronic illness and/or disability often comes with feelings of weariness and thoughts of a final resting place. So, I was no stranger to this feeling. But I happen to think that disability is not the end of the road. So, one of the reasons why I rejected the doctors' advice was because I, a woman with a disability, understand the struggles of living with illness and disability. And I believe that each of us have the power to overcome these feelings of weariness if we lean on God and loved ones. So, that's what I was doing. I was standing by as a loved one, who didn't want my mother to give up on living, just because she was disabled and sick.

So much to think about! So many things to consider!

I shook myself and reminded myself that Mama’s life or death was in the hands of the One we call God. I reminded myself that my life was also in His hands. There was no need to be afraid, anxious, or depressed. There was no need to feel like Mama was giving up. Because if it was indeed her time to leave us and go meet with God, the decision rested with the One who sculptures both life and death.

I went to bed with one prayer. May God’s will be done in Mama’s life. I didn’t pray for her healing. I didn’t pray for her suffering to end. I simply prayed that God’s will be made perfect in her life. And if that meant that she was going to live or die, I would have peace in knowing that God was in control.

**This is the second of three posts on this subject. Stay tuned for the third installment. I should have it written in a couple days.**

Angie Braden

Stress has the power to destroy you or strengthen you. Which will it be? (Part 1 of 3)

As unfortunate as it may seem, I’m quite familiar with stressful situations. Every since I was a small child, I’ve been confronted with relationships and circumstances that produce stress and anxiety. Honestly, I’ve learned to manage the stress; and perhaps I’ve learned to live, work, and have fun with stress being the constant backdrop. However, in the recent weeks, my stressometer has been turned up. And boy, oh boy… The stress had started to take a toll on me!

I can feel the stress in my body. My back has been hurting lately. And when I do sleep, it's not a peaceful sleep. I just sleep because I can't go any further.

My diet is wacked out. I'm dehydrated. I'm not working out. And I'm picking up weight at a speed that is depressing in itself.

What's got me so stressed out? Well, the usual. But there has been a little extra in the recent months that has left me exhausted.

For instance, my mother has been in the hospital for 29 days. Thankfully, she's doing much better than she was doing when she went into the hospital. Mama was so sick that I actually braced myself for her departure. That's truly how sick she was! The walls of death were closing in on Mama as she was being overcome by internal bleeding from an unknown spot, congested heart failure, pulmonary edema, kidney failure, hypertension, diabetes, irregular heart rate, and seizure disorder. She was so ill that many of the doctors started conversing with me about perhaps giving my mother medicine to help her have a peaceful exit. I was even faced with making a decision on whether to resuscitate or not, in case she went into respiratory or cardiac arrest.

When it looked like she was going to die, a storm of emotions washed over me. I was sad that my mother, a woman of so much strength and resilience, had suffered so intensely over the last few years. I hated that this painful opera seemed to be approaching its tragic finale. I cried because I hated to see Mama's life, a life that has been filled with countless acts of kindness and selflessness, end with such pain and sorrow. I cried because I had no power to stop the further decline of her already poor health. I wept because what was happening to her seemed so unjust and so cruel.

I sat in the waiting area, closed my eyes, and considered that perhaps was now the time to say goodbye. However, my spirit just couldn't wrap my mind around that idea. I begin to struggle with myself, as I considered that perhaps I didn't want Mama to die because I'm truly scared of living without my parents. I prayed and asked God to prepare me for what was to come. I asked God to wrap His arms around me so that I would know that no matter what, I am never alone.

That night when I got home, I bathed my weary body and crept into the safety of my bed. But peace was not waiting for me under those covers. My head hit the pillow, and I immediately was whisked away into a tragic time machine. I began contemplating the last seven years. I was being drug through my past like James Byrd was violently drug through the streets of Jasper, Texas.

I thought about how one second, one blood clot, and one cerebral brain attack had changed my mother’s one chance at living a happy, peaceful life. I thought about how Mama’s personality was drastically altered, how her physical strength was diminished, how her ability to understand complex information was damaged, and how her ability to employ speech to communicate ideas, thoughts, and requests effectively was forever stolen. My mother, who was then an accomplished elementary school teacher, is now an extremely ill, significantly disabled woman, and it’s all because of a stroke. All of that makes my heart so sad.

Earlier that afternoon when I was at the hospital with Mama, doctors surrounded me, trying to convince me that it was perhaps time to let my mother go. They told me how Mama had conveyed to them earlier in the day how she was tired of living, and how she did not want the recommended treatment that could delay her eventual demise. By the time I got to the hospital, Mama was being poisoned by carbon dioxide, which was slowly entering her blood stream due to her inability to breathe. I tried and tried to wake her up to talk her out of this death wish she apparently made clear to the hospital staff. However, our conversation was quickly being interrupted by lethargic reactions to her rising respiratory failure. I couldn’t keep Mama up for more than 60 seconds!

I got right in her face and started telling her that if she refused the blood transfusion and the dialysis she would be dead in a matter of days. She nodded and went back to sleep. I nudged her and told her that she should want to live for the grandchildren. But mama looked at me and said that she didn’t care.

Even my darling friend, Chad, was trying to convince Mama to hold on, and to consider the medical treatment that could save her life. She woke up long enough to tell him to make sure that he sat with the family at the funeral! Mama even told my friend, Chris, to be ready to have words at the funeral service. And no matter how persistent my friend, Heather, was Mama still continued to express how death was the only good thing for someone in her condition.

Tears violated me, making my private anguish public. Tension squeezed my brain, and all the nerve endings on my body came to life as I considered a life with a lifeless mother. I stopped berating my obviously tired, clearly incoherent mother with my desires, and reluctantly backed off to let her rest in peace.

I asked my friend Chris to pray for my mother before she loss full consciousness, and then I called my sisters to inform them of what was going on. I instructed them to bring the grandchildren, with the consideration that it may be their last time seeing their grandmother alive.

**Tomorrow, I’ll post the second part of this narrative. Stay tuned! The second and third parts are not as intense. I promise!**

Angela L. Braden

A Fantastic Resource for Individuals that have Blindness or Low Vision Concerns!!!

I just got through reading the most recent entries on the American Foundation for the Blind's blog. The information they have posted there was great!!!

I'm ashamed to say that although I have the blog linked here on NuVision, I haven't visited their blog in a few weeks. I've been terribly busy. However, that's still no excuse. I should make it my business to stay informed about issues that impact individuals with blindness and low vision.

I strongly encourage my readers to check out AFB's blog! You won't be disappointed.

Much love to my readers!
Angie B.

Kathy Martinez: A Blind Woman That's Doing Great Things!!!

**i'm always inspired when I hear about people with disabilities doing great things. And it's even more exciting to me that Kathy Martinez is blind, a woman, and Latina. There's no doubt that being apart of three minority groups can make this road more difficult to travel. Ladies like Kathy Martinez are a reminder to me and others that professional success is achievable if you believe in yourself!**

From Diversity Inc. Magazine (March 23, 2009):

Obama Nominates ODEP Asst. Secretary Kathy Martinez
By Zayda Rivera

Internationally recognized disability-rights leader Kathy Martinez was nominated for assistant secretary for the Office of Disability Employment Policy (ODEP) by President Barack Obama on March 20.

Martinez, who has been blind since birth, specializes in employment, asset building, independent living, international development, and diversity and gender issues from her work as executive director of the World Institute on Disability (WID). Her impressive resume includes Proyecto Vision, WID's National Technical Assistance Center to increase employment opportunities for Latinos with disabilities in the United States, and Access to Assets, an asset-building project to help reduce poverty among people with disabilities.

She was also responsible for leading the team that produced the acclaimed
international webzine Disability World ( http://www.disabilityworld.org/ ) in both English and Spanish...

Preview of Black in america 2 (Part 3 of 3)

The date and time had finally arrived. It was 6:59 PM, and in less than one minute my preview of CNN's Black in America was scheduled to begin. My nerves started to shutter. I wondered what would all the people in the audience think about me, the unsuspected blind woman. I whispered to my pastor that I was nervous. He put the microphone in my hand, and reminded me that there was no time for fear and anxiety.

With less than one minute to get it together, I dug deep and pulled out one of my best smiles, stood with beauty and strength, and accessed my best voice. At 7:00 on the dot, I greeted my guest with confidence and pure humility. I was honored that so many, over 300, had gathered to participate in an event that I organized. I was thankful that there was no need to be embarrassed just yet. So far, the preview of BIA2 was off to a good start. I greeted everyone, Thanked CNN and my co-host, Dr. Cofield, and then talked a little about the Black in America special that was scheduled to air the next week.

Unfortunately, underneath my confident smile, nervous energy was rising up. I was so glad that I was approaching the time that I could hand the microphone to Dr. Cofield. I realized that even though my blind eyes could not see anything, I had at least 600 eyeballs looking directly at me. I forced my nervous energy under my feet, and smiled as I introduced Dr. Cofield.

Dr. Cofield had a few compelling words, and then the preview of Black in America 2 was presented to all that were in attendance.

It was great!!!

Although I watched the preview days before, it was still incredibly interesting and inspiring when I watched it at the church with my guest!!! I, in particular, enjoyed the segment on Malaak Compton-Rock and Steve Perry.

After the previewed aird, we had a fantastic discussion, which was moderated by Dr. Cofield. My distinguished panelists, which included a Harris County criminal court judge, an award winning radio personality, and a school board member, all did a marvelous job!!!

When the event was finally over, I sighed with relief. I had accomplished a few major things that would not have been accomplished if I hadn't connected with CNN.
A. I helped CNN market this very important documentary.
B. I, along with my friend, Chad, and my pastor, Dr. Cofield, successfully worked together to plan and execute a great event. I learned a lot about teamwork!
C. I met some great people because of this event!!!
D. I learned that fear is my enemy. And I, by all means, should never let fear be my guide.
E. At the end of the night, I realized that I'm ready to put myself out there. I'm ready to share myself with the world.
F. I discovered that the only thing that stands between me and great success is a lack of confidence.
G. I learned how much I really enjoy planning events! It was fun!!!
H. I learned how inspiring people are by my ability to perform despite my blindness. (I really do need to make that fact work for me!)

Before I end this series of posts about me hosting a preview of BIA2, I must thank the following:
CNN!!!
Dr. D.Z. Cofield
Good Hope Missionary Baptist Church
Chad K. Brawley
Judge Michael Fields
Madd Hatta - Host of the Madd Hatta Morning Show (Radio One 97.9 FM)
Patrick Ngwolo
Rose Bell
Wanda Johnson
Stephen Brown
Dr. Wendy Johnson
Michelle Stephenson
Ingrid Ashley
Rosetta Mayes
Crystal Reagans
Art Hooker
Dave Donaldson
Friends and Family

**I watched Black in America 2 last night and tonight. Tomorrow, I'll post a review. Here's a teaser... I think that it was actually very, very good! **

Angie Braden

Preview of CNN's Black in America 2 (Part 2 of 3)

As soon as I received my package from CNN, I called my friend and told him the great news. We immediately began strategizing on how we can plan and execute a successful prescreening of BIA2. We agreed that approaching our pastor with the idea of co-hosting the event would surely ensure a successful event.

That afternoon, we approached our pastor, Dr. D.Z. Cofield, who is also the Vice President of the NAACP-Houston Chapter. Being a person that is quite concerned about the condition and progress of African American people, Dr. Cofield quickly agreed to co-host the event with me, and to allow me to use Good Hope Missionary Baptist Church to show the preview and conduct the panel discussion.

We hit the ground running. We had only a week to market the event, to invite panelists for the discussion, and to make all the final arrangements with CNN. A few of us teamed together and made Facebook and Twitter work for us. I worked closely with Dr. Cofield to select a range of distinguished panelists that would offer insight, wisdom, and expertise in our discussion. I commissioned a very talented filmographer, by the name of Arthur Hooker to capture the event with his camera.

A week later, after sending dozens of e-mails, making countless phone calls, updating my Facebook and Twitter status several times each day, and inviting nearly 2,000 people on Facebook, the time had arrived. It was Thursday, July 16th; and this event that I had worked so hard to plan was finally at my fingertips.

**Stay tuned for the final installment of this series of posts.**

The premier of CNN's Black in America 2 will air tonight on CNN. Don't forget to watch!!! I promise you won't be disappointed!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009 on CNN
*All times Eastern

7:00pm – 8:00pm Moment of Truth: Countdown to Black in America 2

8:00pm – 9:00pm Presidential News Conference