Sunday, April 29, 2007

It Probably Will Never Happen

I got up off of my mother's bed to go and get me a glass of water. After getting the water, a thought that visits me so often, tapped me on the shoulder. "Ooh, I wish I could see."

It's been 22 years since I started losing my eye sight. I lost all of my sight 17 years ago. But strangely enough, I'm still not use to it.

Yeah, I deal with it. And I've learned to make the best out of it. Well, let me restate that. I'm learning how to make the best out of it. But with that being said, I am not to that place that being blind is okay.

In fact, I'm just going to have to say I hate it. I don't hate me. I just hate being blind. I can see how some might think of that as self hatred. I can even see how some might think that until I learn to embrace my blindness, I regect a part of myself. Maybe... I dont know.

Blindness doesn't prevent me from doing things that I want to do. But it certainly makes me have to work harder to do the things that I want to do. Sometimes, I don't want to work that hard. Sometimes, I just want to do without having to think about it. Is that lazy? I don't think so.

Well, even though this entry may be a little here and there, I still decided to post it. My blindness is real. And my feelings about it are real. One day, I feel like I'm the baddest, most tenacious sister on the block. And there other days that I wish I could be sleeping on a fluffy cloud in heaven. I guess that is just life.

One thing that I have learned is that having a bad day is alright as long as those days don't turn into the majority. Likewise, I've learned that as long as you don't allow your bad days to influence you to make bad decisions, you're cool.


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